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I feel even more anxiety with people I've met before?

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Mootoo
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22 Apr 2013, 1:34 am

I'm not sure why this is - one would think it counter-intuitive - but I do worry upon seeing someone who knows me, and actively hide so as to not be greeted by them. I suppose though, logically, someone who doesn't know me is less likely to greet me, thus my anxiety.

Why is this, possibly on a biological level? Is it that the more a person doesn't see another person, even if they had a relationship with them before, the more they're not inclined to re-see them? (Like in attachment theory?)

...or is it just me, solely due to my social anxiety?



Biscuitman
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22 Apr 2013, 1:41 am

I am the same. I feel that there is a pressure or an expectancy with someone I have met before



briankelley
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22 Apr 2013, 1:47 am

I think it's a lack of anonymity. You've made an impression on this person and will continue to do so for good or bad. This person already has a certain take on you and is evaluating you further. You are recognized. I feel a certain desire to withdraw from people who know me.



Tyri0n
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22 Apr 2013, 3:10 am

I have the same thing. It's because I've memorized how to make a good first impression on people, introduce myself, make small talk, etc. But I don't know how to do anything beyond this, so when I meet someone the second or third time, I have no idea what to talk about.

I know the stuff that therapists and places for aspies usually teach, but I don't know the stuff that is supposed to come naturally even for aspies -- unless the person shares many traits in common with me, then it does come naturally.

I think it's a lack of stuff in common, which means you were never meant to be anything to this person. So don't worry about it.



jk1
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22 Apr 2013, 3:29 am

I have the same problem, too. With strangers I feel no pressure because I don't have to talk with them and I can just ignore them without being rude. With someone I've met before, I feel I have to say something and I don't know what to say. I often end up saying something stupid/weird. I'm just worried about being regarded as a weird person, but I usually end up that way. It really hurts when I know someone has started to think I'm weird and look down on me. That's why seeing someone who knows me causes anxiety.



Highlander852456
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22 Apr 2013, 8:17 am

Tyri0n wrote:
I have the same thing. It's because I've memorized how to make a good first impression on people, introduce myself, make small talk, etc. But I don't know how to do anything beyond this, so when I meet someone the second or third time, I have no idea what to talk about.

I know the stuff that therapists and places for aspies usually teach, but I don't know the stuff that is supposed to come naturally even for aspies -- unless the person shares many traits in common with me, then it does come naturally.

I think it's a lack of stuff in common, which means you were never meant to be anything to this person. So don't worry about it.


This is a big problem. People like me more then they should. Then it gets akward.



KnarlyDUDE09
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22 Apr 2013, 12:42 pm

briankelley wrote:
I think it's a lack of anonymity. You've made an impression on this person and will continue to do so for good or bad. This person already has a certain take on you and is evaluating you further. You are recognized. I feel a certain desire to withdraw from people who know me.
I agree; that's how I feel about other people.


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Homo_Economicus
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22 Apr 2013, 2:30 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
I have the same thing. It's because I've memorized how to make a good first impression on people, introduce myself, make small talk, etc. But I don't know how to do anything beyond this, so when I meet someone the second or third time, I have no idea what to talk about.


That's exactly what I'm feeling. If I've made a good impression before, I want others to keep that impression and in order to achieve that, I try to avoid awkward situations with them. Sometimes I avoid acquaintances and if that's impossible I make a quick chat and usually tell them I have things to do before it gets awkward. I find it hard to talk for a long time to someone who isn't a friend or a family member unless it's school-related. I always get the feeling I'm being judged.