I hate when people assume it's nervousness...

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This really peeves me, why people have to automatically assume "nervousness" as the root cause of any behaviour they perceive as "odd" or "off". So many times, although it's less frequent today, people have assumed that my absent-mindedness in applying expected behaviours in a given context is due to nervousness.

This is especially true in a dating context, but has also been the case in a past job where there was a rumour circulating that I got nervous for no reason, because I took things literally that people said to me which was "obviously" due to the jitters...DUH....

Get this, on one date that I went on years ago, I hardly said anything when our dinner arrived - the young woman later emailed me saying that I hardly said a word and she's not used to that, she said "you must have been nervous" and also rubbed salt in the wound by saying "I felt kind of uncomfortable, and I don't easily get uncomfortable" - so my reply to her, which was the truth, was that I was always told not to talk with my mouth full - that was really drilled into me - clearly that was part of the AS black-and-white thinking, I could have talked more during mouthfuls (as was the NT protocol!!) - a lesson learned the hard way. I didn't hear back, she obviously wrote me off as a "weirdo" regardless, there was nothing I could have said at that point.

Granted, if this type of assumption is thrown in my face, it COULD easily beget nervousness - it's like a vicious circle, where I'm constantly thinking "okayyyy...what other innocuous behaviours, or lack thereof, are they going to interpret as nervousness NEXT??"

So, a very frustrating assumption, but what can ya do? From their perspective, they probably can't rationalize why somebody WOULDN'T manifest those expected behaviours, so they chalk it up to nervousness.

Of course it's not just Asperger manifestations that gets the "nervous" explanation - it could easily happen with someone who has Tourettes, someone with a stutter, or even someone with dyslexia. Picture a guy with dyslexia out on a date, they're reading the menu, and he appears to be struggling...which could get interpreted as "nervousness"...of course, he has the luxury of saying "I have dyslexia" which everyone understands and is more accepting of.

Yeah growing up my Mum would forever tell me not to be so nervous, when more often than not it was tics, stimming or simple fidgeting and I couldn't have been more relaxed if I tried.

Frankly, I bloody well will talk with my mouth full. People think I'm an oaf anyway, so it's not really like not talking with my mouth full will help a great deal.

Sometimes I get a mixture of being nervous and not wanting to speak about anything anyhow, thus it creates a loop. I have nothing in common with most people, no similar interests to speak of so when my turn comes to speak I can't think of anything to add that I care about but I also feel under pressure to try and say something to keep the conversation going so I get nervous and so on, lately I've been getting over it by talking about whatever comes to my mind I get a lot of strange looks but speaking is better then nothing I suppose.

Many times in the past I had not been nervous, but over time I have been told I must be nervous so often that I ended up feeling nervous about myself in the long run, lol.

I think a lot of AS behavior can also be shown by a highly anxious NT. For example, NTs often stim when anxious (nervous habits), whereas AS stimming is unrelated to anxiety. And overload involves similar behaviour to a panic attack. (I once had a karate teacher with panic attacks who kept mistaking my overload for panic attacks. It mostly worked out OK because she'd react in ways that reduced stimulation for me, but she sometimes tried to comfort me when I didn't need comforting.)

I hate it when people tell me to "just relax and be myself" in social situations. If I were truly relaxed, I would just be chilling, listening to everyone else talk while I drift in and out of my own thoughts. By virtue of the fact that I am attempting to engage in conversation, I am not relaxed.

The main thing that makes me nervous is being in a situation where I know the other person is expecting me to talk and I don't know what to say.

I've always known my odd behavior caused people to look at me askance, especially the fact that I tend to stim almost constantly, unless engaged in some specific task. However, after being officially diagnosed, I did become somewhat "hyper-aware" of my every move, step and gesture for a while and THAT made me very nervous. I still feel that way sometimes when I'm out in public alone, as though at any moment I might inadvertently do something that would cause everyone to stare incredulously at the Autistic buffoon.

I worked in a tattoo shop a few years ago whose owners expected all the tattooists to be like car salesmen, rushing to greet people the second they walk in the door (not to mention the LOUD electronic door chime they had) and strike up a conversation, following them around the lobby and ferreting out their personal information to make suggestions and pressure them to get a tattoo right away. Needless to say, that is not who I am. First, I think its unethical to pressure someone over a permanent decision like that. More to the point, though, being faced with a stranger tends to overwhelm my brain's processor, causing a flatline in my thought process, so I go momentarily mute, like Raj on Big Bang Theory. If the other person asks me a question, especially about something I have a personal interest in, I can then proceed to converse no problem, but having the bosses constantly watching and expecting me to perform like a trained seal just made for a nightmare experience. Needless to say, I didn't last very long under those conditions. Ironically, I had several repeat customers there who told me that they would only come back as long as I was there because I set them at ease and made them feel relaxed, where the other employees in that shop were too "pushy".

But mostly I don' worry about it. I've lived enough years to know that even an eccentric oddity like me can make a connection with another person from time to time. Others don't know I have a neurological dysfunction (unless I tell them), they just think I'm an individualistic sort of character and there are plenty of people who actually like that in another person. For those that don't get me - who needs them? I don't want to forge relationships with people who look down their noses at me for not living up to their snooty expectations. I figure people like that are doing me a favor by blowing me off. Screw 'em.

People can understand the basic idea that when someone is nervous, parts of their brian might stop working normally or might get thrown into overdrive -- so why people have such difficulty understanding that some folks have brains with parts that never work normally or always operate in overdrive, regardless of their emotional state, is both fascinating and baffling.

I kinda hate assumptions about my various traits in general. Granted, I think it mostly bothers me when they get it wrong, but still.

There was one time at a dinner where someone asked a question directly to me when my mouth was full. While I was still chewing, they asked me 'Well?!' While I was still chewing! I mean, come, on! It was meant to be a semi-fancy dinner, too. What else was I supposed to do?

In my case it might be the opposite. I am often nervous around people, but I try to pretend I am not. That somehow seems to make me look angry, rude or simply weird. People respond very negatively to that. If I don't/can't hide my nervousness, I will still be seen as weird any way.

The impression that people get seems to be the biggest thing affecting whether they would assume its nervousness or not, unfortunately, people tend to jump to that conclusion too quickly

I know that some people dont know how to describe someone else's behaviour in any other words so they just use the word nervous or nervousness to describe the behaviour, which is of course quite wrong thing to do

Many years back I was misdiagnosed by a doctor as having social phobia disorder. So even doctors get it wrong - wow who would have thought that

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Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.