Guy with Asperger's being "creepy" on FB

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I don't want to seem insensitive so I am really sorry if it comes off that way (especially since I may have Asperger's myself since it's in my family- I don't know) but I'm not sure how else to describe this person's behavior.

Let's start from the beginning...my dad's old coworker "friended" me on FB. He doesn't really communicate with my dad anymore, despite being FB friends with him, so it seemed odd to me, but I accepted his friend request anyway. My dad told me he almost certainly has Asperger's (my grandfather has it and my dad has gotten pretty good at identifying some aspects of it, but we're not 100% sure). He does have a lot of the telltale signs even just from FB.

Anyway, this guy started out by "liking" my stuff on FB all the time, but it didn't bother me because he's happily married and SO much older than me that it didn't seem like flirting. But it started getting weird...every time I post something he "likes" it. It's not rare for me to log into Facebook and see 10 notifications, all of them from him! Just him liking and commenting on everything I post. Often when I write anything he comments with something really incoherent that doesn't relate to my original post and continues commenting until I respond to him.

I didn't even mind that, because it's still harmless. But yesterday I posted something about sex from BuzzFeed and he responded with three long comments about the first time he had oral sex! It was major TMI and really weird, considering he is married to someone else and I have a boyfriend. Then he goes on and on about how he knows how to please a woman...really odd. In fact, a few other times he has responded with sexual comments but I just chalked it up to missed social cues. THIS ONE really crossed the line!

What do I do? My mom says I should unfriend him, but I don't want to fan the flames or cause drama (or have him start to message me incessantly asking why I blocked him). I've never even met him in real life!! ! I don't want to be intolerant or rude but his comments are making me uncomfortable, and I also don't want to embarrass him on FB by telling him that he's being inappropriate.

Have any of you had similar experiences (on either side)? Can you offer some insight? How can I handle this in a way that doesn't make him embarrassed? I know he may think that because I'm posting sex articles that he has the right to delve into personal TMI stuff but I think there is a huge difference- it's not like I'm messaging him about my sex life.

If you don't deal with this, he will get worse.

I'm sure that's true, but I'm not sure how to deal with it. He seems like a nice guy and I don't want to humiliate him or hurt his feelings, but it is getting very weird (obviously).

Unfriend him. Cut him off. Tequila is right.

Does he have some other way of contacting you (other than, say, through your father)?

"Hi, I'm sorry but I'm finding your attention rather off-putting. I would like to de-friend you, but understand that you may have challenges in this area. If you'd prefer you can unfriend me yourself. Otherwise I will do it myself tomorrow at 7PM."

Something like that. Just be straight-up and honest. And be sure to tell your dad what your plan is first, and that you may need some backup. Tell him because he may have some insights on a better way to handle the guy.

Nope, he doesn't..and I don't even think he sees my father IRL at all anymore. I do have OCD so I get very worried about "stalkers" so it's one reason I'm hesitant to even speak to him or make any changes.

You might want to bring this up with your father first. He may very well have a better idea on how to deal with this. Chances are he is highly sensitive, so there may be no way in letting him down gently.

I would get your dad to say something. I would also change the setting on your Facebook re who sees what you post if you are going to be posting anything else similar.

Hm, I'll call him tonight

Take lots of screenshots, too. Make sure to get the whole conversations so people will know what he's saying is inappropriate for the context.

Talking to your dad seems to be your best first bet.

I am sorry Melissa. I did not know you felt this way. I will stop posting on your page.

Not so fast -- this could just be an old git acting in an internet-naïve way that he perceives will strike a chord with 'hip n trendy' net users.

Anyone who has had their parents describe their sex-life to them will know what I mean --- the well-meaning but exquisitely-embarrassing attempts by adults to be seen as modern, permissive and 'down wiv da kids', which was unfortunately a common experience among middle-class adolescents during the 1980s

This form of behaviour, while gobsmackingly inappropriate and unwelcomed by all observers, was most emphatically not a form of incestuous sexual harassment, and the relevant parties would certainly (and understandably) be horrified if it was perceived in that way.

In your position OP, I would therefore send him messages such as 'err that's gross you old bugger' or 'why do you think I would want to know that?'

If he isn't silenced due to the subsequent self-perception of his embarrassing behaviour, then that might be the time to pursue it on a more serious basis,

That's just my perspective, gathered from dealing with embarrassing older relatives during the pre-internet age.

You aren't him.

the thing i find interesting is how he's not making any kind of effort to disguise his behaviour.

You would think that if he was going to be interested in you he would have the confidence to be direct and speak directly to you.

Or if he didnt have the confidence he would be trying to hide it.

This guy isnt direct but he's too obvious at the same time.

The way u said u have a bf and this guy is way too old so you completely discount him from being interested. Have u considered that he's done the same for you? and him knowing hes not interested and the relationship thing being completely off the cards making him think its ok to send you messages because being creepy is a relationship thing and he isnt interested in a relationship. this might be how he shows friendly interest.

Why dont u browse some of his friends from his friends list and see if he likes lots of other peoples stuff too.

im sure there are lots of options here ofc. could be straight out what u assume him to be. But aspies do quite often struggle to make friends and he could be trying too hard. to me aspie guys are like the male equivalent of that kind of girl that only has male friends. except where guys will accept a girl that only has male friends as a friend, females are too busy warding off male attention to accept platonic friendships from guys.

Well, this is a good point. I don't think he's necessarily flirting with me. It's more just crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. I do think he is happily married and has no intention of cheating on his wife, but that doesn't mean his attention isn't uncomfortable to me. I have no desire to know quite that much about his cunnilingus prowess.

I do have platonic male friendships (I've mentioned it on another thread) and I actually have an easier time with men than women. I've even made friends with men who WERE interested in me, and I couldn't figure it out until they made it really obvious. As I said, I was fine with his comments before they got sexual but I think it's gotten to the point of being inappropriate.