The frustrations of being an outgoing aspie

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I consider myself to be very outgoing, so having Asperger's and anxiety can be quite aggravating. I'm not extroverted in the traditional sense (no loud parties for me!), but I am definitely a chatterbox and love connecting with other people. If I am in an environment where I feel comfortable (just a couple people, no large groups), I really enjoy conversing with others. What is so frustrating about my AS and anxiety is that I am constantly being told I behave in an awkward manner. People who know me well say that I am pleasant, personable, and have a good sense of humor, but oftentimes those who haven't spent much time around me (or are speaking with me during an anxiety episode) conclude that I am aloof and not very socially adept. Yes, I get overwhelmed in crowds, and I am a frequent stimmer, but that doesn't mean that I like to isolate myself. I may come across as incredibly anxious when speaking with someone, but I wish I could make all the manifestations of my anxiety subside, because it gives others the impressions that I don't like to socialize. I have been told that I should pursue a career that doesn't involve interacting with people, but a desk job isn't my style--I would must rather be out and about, interacting with others instead of sitting in a cubicle by myself. Are there any other outgoing aspies who are frustrated by society's perceptions of them? I want to lead a very connected life--have lots of friends, date, get married, volunteer, maintain a job that involves working with the public--but a lot of people don't want to associate with me, or misinterpret me, because of my Asperger's and anxiety symptoms. Yes, I need quiet time to recharge, yes, I have issues making eye contact, but I really love engaging with other people, and it is so frustrating to constantly be told that I am awkward!

The most productive thing you could do, then, would be to take their criticisms to heart and try to adjust your social style accordingly. It will cause you even more anxiety in the long run, but if you want to pass as normal, that's what it takes.

You can't please everyone. Don't bother trying, it will simply make you an unhappy, nervous wreck. Some people will get you, some won't - the ones that don't you probably wouldn't enjoy associating with anyway.

You can't spend every waking moment of your life worrying about AS. It's kind of a Catch-22, I do believe that our autism shapes and informs us from birth and influences every aspect of who we become, whether we are aware of it or not - OTOH, I don't think it's constructive to focus on it so much that you are constantly hyper-aware of everything you do as "Omigod, that was SUCH an ASPIE thing to do!" A person could go crazy obsessing on that.

Don't get me wrong, I often do it myself. It's one of the hazards of being diagnosed - once you know, you can't ever un-know, so you notice. And it can make you very self-conscious.

Just remember, you are a human being first, an individual second, and an autistic person somewhere after that. It will always be a part of you, it will frequently be a handicap, but just because it may occasionally hold you back doesn't mean you have to let it stop you altogether.

I have found that I have a better chance of gaining a friend when, rather than talking someone's ear off (as I am wont to do), I instead actively listen to what they have to say. I have a choice between the immediate gratification of verbally regurgitating on some poor victim, or the longer term benefit of truly connecting with someone.

In my opinion, passing as normal is one of the main causes, if not the main cause, of autistic burn-out. we need to work together to stop passing as NT and start educating the NTs'.

Yes, a person with AS constantly trying to pass as NT will make that person unhappy.

A cat will never be satisfied leading a dog's life - You're not a disabled dog, you're a cat!

You don't need everyone, or "a lot" of people to like you. Just a few people who like you for who you are. They're out there somewhere. You basically need one person who loves you (spouse), two to three friends, a few supportive family and relatives, some boss and co-worker who can tolerate you OK. Then you're all set in your social life, and if I may say, way more social than most aspies already. Exactly where these people are depends on what you prefer. Write down qualities of people you get along with, think where such people might frequent, then get yourself there. i.e. I like smart people so universities and research places are the places to find them.

One of my sons is outgoing. He rarely shut up really, but all he talk about are either his special interests or echolalia. He doesn't hold a conversation very well. Basically his weirdness is out for everyone to see and hear. It's still much easier than pretending to be normal.

I mix my words up etc and am not always sure what to do socially but I like to be out and about around people as well.

The world keeps trying to isolate me..I don't want to be isolated and lonely. It is upsetting and depressing and i wish they would stop it. I keep trying to tell people social isolation is making my depression worse but they won't listen. It means I have no one who understands to talk to and its why I never turn to other people for help or take their advice. Their advice keeps me socially isolated and that is the last thing I want.

It's why I refuse to stay home...I go out most days of the week. I don't want to be sat at home everyone day by myself. It is boring.

I too need time to recharge and don't always want to interact with people but that does not mean I never want to socialise or enjoy social gatherings.

I used to love family xmas dinners...now I spend the day completely alone
I used to love going on family outings..now I go everywhere by myself.
I have always wanted to find someone who will ride roller coasters with me...but if I go to a theme park I do so alone again.

I don't always want to do everything alone...I like having people I can have a laugh and joke with. I want someone to share fun with...

And then when I try and tell people I am depressed because I am lonely they won't listen and keep saying I have to cure my depression before I can find people to be with. Um....I can't my depression is caused by my loneliness...

All I wanted was someone to have fun days and evenings out with because it is nice to be able to share such things.

I am bored with everything in my life being about myself...I wanted to share some happiness with other people.

But the ones I do attract hate everything...how can I share love, joy and laughter with people who hate everything and take everything so seriously? They won't lighten up and enjoy life and it gets me down..no offense but they are depressing to be around.

So in those instances I choose to be alone instead.

My present life ambition is to find someone fun loving to have fun times with....I figure if I keep going out every day to museums, traveling around, enrol in a enough classes I might be able to find just one person to hang around with who is easy going and doesn't make everything stressful (ie such as expecting me to live up to impossible and ridiculous expectations such as never making a mistake...for gods sake will people be realistic...mistakes are part of life's learning curve anyway and are necessary for learning sometimes! Or expecting me to feel bad because I am not good at something...oh piss off with that kind of thinking you cant possibly expect someone to be good at everything they try...another unrealistic expectation...Jesus).

I like to take things in my stride...I am not really competitive and like to get around to doing stuff in my own time. Things are not a problem, things are a work in progress (except where other people are involved...they like to make WIPs into problems instead...they make a big god damned deal over every bloody thing...fuss fuss fuss fuss...gah).

Other than that I like to be around people even If I don't always want to directly interact with them because I need to recharge my brain cells.