Should I try to fight being asocial?

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I know a great deal of what it takes to become a more "truly social person" (the frame of mind it takes):

1. - adopting the view that all people are one single unit trying to survive, not individuals trying to survive.

2. - admiring people for their success, not their (good) treatment of other people.

3. - "The group over the individual"-mindset.

4. - Willingness to make fun of the weakest individuals in the group to be accepted as a higher-ranking group member.

5. - Accepting bullying as a means of making people "find their right place" in the social hierarchy. Both accepting people "above me" bullying me, and me bullying people "below me".


Should I strive to adopt these opinions the way society believes I should so as to no longer behave as someone having a serious "pervasive developmental disorder"?

You can if you want. I'm not.

Too far against my moral coding for me to be comfortable with it.

Besides I am more interested in pursuing my passions/fascinations than I am in status and power. I really can't be bothered if that is what socialising is all about.

Now I wouldn't mind finding someone special to share a connection with, but not if it's going to be endless power games, bullying, drama, ass kissing and admiring people for their success instead of what is in their heart. I'd take a pass on that one too if there are no other options.

No. You should try to find people to socialize with who do not have this awful outlook on other people, even if you never find them.

Not all people are like those jerks in your last job, qawer. People who work in charities and non-profits, or in the "helping professions" such as teachers and social workers, don't hold the values you describe. In my own field, which is dominated by women and intellectuals, it would be unthinkable to bully someone and call them gay.

Don't let one bad experience make you give up on all of humanity, because then the bullies have won.

I don't think you should bother, OP, to become social. I am asocial and I prefer it that way. Socialising makes me ill. It would hurt you to try socialising more than you are comfortable to.

Quoted for truth.

I just want to get by with average social skills and not become a crueler self-absorbed version of myself. And if people don't like me I'll move on.

Fighting the way you are just makes you tired and sets you up to eventually have a break down of some sort where your real self will come back out.

Thanks so much for your responses. I listen. More very welcome.

What makes you so sure?

Yes, this is important, you must avoid being selfish and try to be good to other people.


Good treatment of other people is a form of success. You can admire people for any reason you like, it doesn't make you more social.

social,ˈsəʊʃ(ə)l/
adjective; needing companionship and therefore best suited to living in communities.
"we are social beings as well as individuals"


This is not necessary in order to be social. In fact, it could well be a barrier to socialising. From observation, people who achieve social success tend to be those who do not belittle or bully others.

Hi The_Walrus.

Regarding point 1 and 3:

It has not really got to do with being selfish. One is not selfish because one does not have a pack mentality. Cats are not more selfish than dogs, they just do not have a pack mentality. Dogs are equally selfish, all wanting to become the alpha in a selfish manner. Animals without pack mentality can easily be helpful to others than themselves. Oppositely, animals with pack mentality can easily be selfish and evil towards others.

We need to distinguish between being social with pack mentality and without. What I was describing was being social with a pack mentality.

Well then, be social without having a "pack mentality"!

You can remain strong and still have your own sense of identity in social situations.

People do respect you for it in the end.

Absolutely right. Socialize with other cats, qawer!