Does My Girlfriend have Aspergers?

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The reasons why I think so:

1) I met her brother and he was the classic autistic case

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he basically talked like this. And I read autism runs in the family. She doesn't talk like the classic autistic person at all though, so I suspected maybe asperger's instead. She can socialize fine, but after 1 minute of talking to her, you can tell she is introverted/shy.

2) She never texts me first and I ask her why and she says she never wants to bother me. One time, she was picking me up for a date and she was waiting outside for me for 20 minutes and never even texted me that she was there (she arrived early). I asked her about it, and she told me didn't want to bug me.

3) She has barely any friends and only a few contacts in her phone

4) She sometimes doesn't get sarcasm or slang/jokes

5) She has a hard time expressing her feelings and is awkward about showing emotion relating to love/infatuation in person like holding hands, kissing, etc. I have to initiate everything and ask if its ok to do it, and she acts somewhat aloof about it. She understands the dynamics of a relationship but doesn't know how to handle them and its awkward for her. (Shes never had a boyfriend)

6) She has a child-like sense of humor

7) she told me she has some social anxiety

Is she obsessed with anything?

To me that information presents her to be an introvert and nothing more. She needs more issues such as (but not limited to) sensory problems, dependance on routines, rigid thinking etc for Asperger's to be considered.

Just sounds quiet/shy/introverted to me

Introverts find social action for any length of time as well as large groups tiring. They are energized by inward activities like more then people contact. But they can act "normal" socially, they know how to do it.

Social Awkwardness goes further, it can be debilitating and is the public stereotype of Aspergers Syndrome.
Yes most people with Aspergers have very strong social ackwardess. We usually have trouble with eye contact, and reading other peoples motives or social cues and tend to have the flat voice. But as Norny said this is just the start of things.

We are literal thinkers. As we are discussing in a current thread when somebody says "I will be back in sixty seconds" most people will understand it to mean they will be back soon not literally 60 seconds like people with Aspergers might. We are poor with "blurred lines" or grey areas. Something is true or false to us, not a little true or are a little false or inbetween.

Sensory Sensitivities.
This could involve one or all senses such as touch, sound, taste, smell. If you touch her in the "wrong" place does she act like you shocked her? Does she want to run out of the room if florescent lights are flashing? Do sudden noises startle her more then usual? If several of these senses are on overdrive one is not going to like big crowds and social situations for very long, if at all.

Repetitive Routines and Special Interests
This goes beyond just passion for a subject. This involves hyperfocus, obsession to the point of excluding other necessary things in life and the interest is usually a very specific part of a subject. This is a coping mechanism to being overwhelmed

Repetitive Routines usually involve some form of stimming. Oversimplifying it is an extreme tic. Hand flapping, constantly rubbing hands, constantly manipulating an object like like a pen are just some examples. Some people can control these enough not to do them in public.

Meltdowns
I think this is self explanatory if not just ask.

Autism is believed to be genetically related. Were you told her brother is classically autistic, or seems that way to you based on the one meeting you had with him?

Executive Functioning Deficits
This is complicated but involves, planning organizing, focusing. Is she bad at multitasking?

Female people with Aspergers often copy part of a whole other personality to "fit in"

It is a spectrum. As person with Aspergers may not have all of these traits. And people who are "fine" might have some of these traits. And a person can be "mild" for one thing more "severe" for others.

A person with Aspergers usually knows they are somehow different and may feel like an alien dumped on earth without being told. That is why the website is named the way it is. But we may think the way we think or perceive a specific thing may be usual when it is not.

Time for the bottom line.
Is she having real difficulties, problems functioning in the world.?
If not, just resume enjoying your relationship.

If so, whether it's Aspergers or something else she will need help. Then we need to talk further

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 27 Feb 2014, 3:43 am, edited 5 times in total.

The fact, that she has a clearly autistic brother makes it liable, that her expression covers some of the same.

Hmm dig deeper for more symptoms like sensory issues, need for strict routine, narrow and obsessive interests...things that are not ambiguous.

oh, someone else beat me to it.

meh, doesnt matter,

if she's doing well enough to get a boyfriend, she doesn't really need to know.

besides, her symptoms sound small, if theyre there at all.

I agree that it's true that most people with Asperger's typically have more noticeable (stronger) social awkwardness, though many introverts (especially the ones I have observed) seem to be quite socially awkward. Trouble with eye contact is stereotypical of autism, though not limited to it. A shy person can have extreme difficulty looking at another in the eyes, and be neurotypical. I didn't post anything elaborate, but what I should have said was that there was far too little information to form any reliable conclusion. My efforts in posting have been drained by university, sorry. XD

Asperger's presents itself differently in women than in men. I'm embedding a chart of female Aspie traits below. From the bottom of the second column: Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as her male counterpart's (less likely to be a 'train-spotter').

[img][800:656]http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG[/img]

She seems to be a shy person. Please let's not confuse introvert with shy.
she could also be an aspie, of course. Girls tend to be better hiding it.
besides everything else people here said that I don't want to repeat, like sensory processing issues, repetitive behavior etc it's important to differentiate socially awkward because of shyness or because of lack of social skills.
have you two been together for a long time? Shy people stop being awkward when they get used to the person and feel comfortable around the person. On the long run, they end up much better socially than aspies. If you are together for a very long time and she still doesn't know how to behave with you it could be a good indication for aspergers.
can you tell us more details?

Last edited by linatet on 27 Feb 2014, 6:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

From what you've told us, she just sounds socially anxious. Granted, having a family member with autism makes her odds of being on the spectrum higher, but that's not immediate grounds for it. What you do need to keep an eye out for is whether has some repetitive behaviors (this could be constantly using the same phrases, wringing her hands obsessively, wearing the same clothes, insisting on the same restaurant for every date), very narrow, but intense interests, sensory issues (does she seem usually startled by loud noises, seem uncomfortable with eating certain foods, seem to dress 'comfortably', do bright lights bother her?)

You appear to be a very caring and compassionate boyfriend, regardless. She's lucky to be with someone like you.

Strong dislike of change is another trait. If a person does not like change they do not react well to things sprung on them the last minute.

We gave a lot of information. I hope we did not overwhelm you. If we did just take it in a little bit at a time

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