Being outed as autistic vs. being outed as gay

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Since I live in a liberal area I think it's worse being outed as autistic. When I was a kid my mom decided to tell some close family friends about my diagnosis. She had good intentions and I was okay with it. Then their kids found out. I wasn't too happy about that, but I was kind of okay with it.

When I started visiting their cousins, my mom decided to disclose to them. I was kind of okay with that until their kids found out. Their kids were extremely obsessed with my diagnosis. The older daughter was weirdly extra nice to me and liked to talk a lot about autism with me. The younger son had this habit of outing me to everyone he met. This all happened when I was about nine or ten. A few years after that happened I found out that he was still outing me to other people.

I've never really been outed as gay because I'm not that obvious. It would probably annoy me, but it wouldn't be as bad as being outed as autistic. I'm going to have to make sure that little a**hole never finds out that I'm gay. If he finds out that I'm gay the whole world will probably know. He will probably even "double-out" me. That would be horrible.

In my experience, being outed as gay is a lot worse than being outed as autistic. Just last week I heard very disparaging remarks about gay people at my outpatient treatment group. There are still lots of small minded people who look at gay as being a choice. "You've chosen a bad lifestyle" or "Why did you choose to be gay?" Right. Like I would choose to be a prejudiced minority!

When I tell people I'm autistic they don't cringe or put me down. In fact, some doubt it since I don't look or behave like Rain Man. Still, I haven't been made to feel bad for being autistic. Being gay, though, that's another story.

I've had the opposite experience. I have heard people say homophobic things, but they've never really said them about me. Whenever I've tried to come out most people simply didn't believe me. So I just stopped bothering.
When people find out that I was diagnosed with autism, they treat me like I'm not human. Some people are "nice", but they're still not treating me like a human being. That is why it's been harder for me to be outed as autistic. If I'm outed as gay it's easier to deal with the homophobes. When I'm outed as autistic there is no way to ever be treated like a human being again.

I met someone that was both gay and had AS. Anyway, I think gay would be worse, I come from a family that frowns upon gays, but they don't know much about autism so when they hear that they think something is wrong with me but don't reject me.

I guess you would have to be both to be able to compare the two with any experience.

So only being one of them I have to venture a guess that it would be harder to be involuntarily outed as Gay. The level of negativity about it, the harshness can still be quite high.

Being identified to the public as autistic also has problems, but it is not as virulently negative. Not yet.

So if you come out to someone as gay you might get abused. But if you say that you're autistic they- not abuse you- but patronise you?

Interesting.

I could get abused, but it's quite taboo to be homophobic where I live. If I tell people I'm autistic 99% of people have been patronizing and there's no taboo to stop them.

ok, these two are completely different and i find it's kinda offensive to say that being outwardly Gay is worse than being Outwardly autistic.

many people are outwardly autistic because they have Classic or Low Functioning Autism, therefore its not Their choice to hide it or express it. Sure people with Mild autism can be expressive of it, but theres a difference between being expressive of it, and just letting the disability label as a way to not do anything.

and the fact of being expressively gay? being Gay, isn't a Neurological disorder, or a disability. ITS A SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Like autism, no one has a choice in what it is, and they have the right to express it just like Staight people.

Its FINE TO BE YOURSELF! in no way is it bad to act gay or autistic.


Im a bisexual Autistic and im 100% comfoterble being expressive of both, im not going to let it stop me from functioning in society though.

to me, if you cant control it, dont hide it. Because i cant help but to shut down and melt down, i dont have a choice but to express it, and if i feel attracted to a girl or a boy, i dont have a choice but to express it, but im not going to stop talking just because its hard sometimes or i cant formulate words fast enough.

I think the answer depends where you live, in some countries/areas being outed as gay is going to be worse and maybe even dangerous.

Being an aspie (which is not the same as being a full blown autistic) you're gonna get crap for being a wierdo whether you come out or not. And if you do publicly label yourself as having aspergers folks either (a) dont know WTF that is, or (B) if you're lucky will have some understanding and will substitute "wierdo" with "aspie" and stop giving you grief ( like the difference between beting a 'drunk' and being 'an alcoholic', or (C) will be jerks and will ADD the label 'aspergers' to "wierdo" and give you grief for being a 'wierd AND an aspie", or (C) they will have some vague idea that aspergers is on the autism spectrum, and will say "autism is like retardation! Right?".

I think it's probably more dangerous to be outed as gay, plus you'd might have to deal with sleazebags flirting with you just because you're gay and in their presence. (Not saying all gay people are sleazebags or all sleazebags are gay, just that there are a lot of people of any orientation who will harass anyone who is of their preferred gender(s) and has a heartbeat.)

Most times I've told people I'm autistic have gone something like this:

Office worker/secretary/whoever: Do you have/do/etc. ____?
Me: No.
Office worker/secretary/whoever: Well, do you ____?
Me: No, I'm autistic; I don't/cant do/have/etc. any of that.
Office worker/secretary/whoever: Okay, let me see what I can do/call a supervisor/refer you somewhere else/whatever.

...which is weird because I live in an extremely intolerant area. These are usually government or medical employees, so I guess they're either trained not to be douches about that or are so numb and indifferent to other people's problems that telling them I have a developmental disability doesn't even register as anything unusual.

Autistic is def worse. It means something is actually wrong with me. Being gay just means that those stuck in non-ASD rigid thinking have a problem with you.
I'm not gay, but I am bi and I wouldn't be uncomfortable being open about that, despite there being those who don't believe in bi. Because they know so much better than me what I feel But I would fear that some fanatic would target me for gay bashing. I'd never be open about being aspie (other than online).

It depends on where you live, but I'd say being outed as gay is still the worse of the two...but not likely by much.

Gay is really nothing around here save for a few clusters of people, Autistic is a mixed bag although your getting singled out either way, there is a less then whole or perhaps human aspect that comes with being labeled with it.

Last edited by rapidroy on 31 May 2014, 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

This. There are still ignorant people out there who seem to think that being gay is a lifestyle choice people make. I am not gay, but I know that a person doesn't choose to be that way any more than they choose to be autistic, nor is there anything wrong with it. Being outed as autistic, at least I won't get told I'm going to hell for being a sodomite or whatever.

Intolerance comes in all flavors and is rooted in ignorance. People may have different reasons for their intolerance, but it is still intolerance. When I look at people, I never really see "the outside", I only see the inside. It drives people around me crazy...

Co-worker: "Did you see that outfit Suzy has on ?! !
Me: "Um, no."
Co-worker: "Well, you do know Mary and Tina are an item, right?! !
Me: "Um, no."
Co-worker: "Did you see Duck Dynasty last night?! !
Me: "Um, no."
Co-worker: "Did you want to go out for lunch?! !
Me: "Um, Definitely, no."

I am attracted to people who are smart and funny and kind. By those rules, you can be gay or straight, NT or autistic, or religious or atheist and still exist in my universe. If you aren't a decent human being, you aren't allowed in my world.

In a perfect world, No one should be "outing" anyone. It would be your choice who you share your most personal information with. In reality, people can be mean and spiteful. It probably doesn't matter which is worse, because they are both bad, if it isn't what you want.