Does anyone else feel like they're never good enough?

Post Reply New Topic

I've always had very low self-esteem and I'm something of a pathological perfectionist, which causes a lot of problems.

I recently got super triggered by something which actually made me cry (I'm usually not a person who cries a lot but things have been tough lately) and hit myself in the head. I feel like I'm never good enough. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I work, I feel like I'm never good enough. The thing is I would never hold others to my own high standards. I sort of know my standards are way too high but I still can't accept what I see as failure in my own life. My biggest problem when it comes to these things is feeling like I'm not smart enough. I know that might be really silly but I can't really help it. So here I am, hating myself for not doing good enough and therefore not being good enough.

This is most likely not something that only people on the autism spectrum experience, but I still wanted to ask if any of you have the same problem. If so, how do you deal with it?

Try distracting yourself. I like to watch tv shows to get my mind off depression, and you probably have a hobby of your own.

Yes, I can relate. I'm 26 years old, come from and affluent family, have a BSc in business, and consider myself well put together; I'm expected to make a very limited number of mistakes at my part time job (less than what I do). I'm expected to have a full time job, to be aware of what's going on around me, to fill in the lines, to not ask "judgement questions" or "common sense" questions like a little boy, to be somewhat comfortable with women and flirt a little, and always having weekend plans.

We grew up being told we have the potential for a normal, and many times better, quality life than others given we tested higher in IQ and made decent grades in school; many of our parents have well paying jobs, and often grew up with symptoms mild enough to have "grown up" and acquire NT skills on a relatively normal timetable.

The problem is that we have given too much control to people who value others based on social and work-related competence, "person x is just plain better than y, more important and more worth my caring and love because he's just better at stuff in general". Let's face it, most of our casual friends and acquaintances think we are not nearly as intelligent as what's down on paper. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being superficial and judgmental, and 1 being grounded and accepting of self and others, our culture is at a 6. So CBT for people who are victimized by these people and the thoughts they have adopted from these people is necessary.

I have felt that way so many times in my life and do often. That is one reason I love my special interests because these are areas in which I feel like I actually excel. Also I have read that perfectionism is a trait that many Aspies struggle with.

I used to have this problem frequently, even when I had a lot of support. It got so bad that I was having a lot of severe anxiety over it and other things as well. I used to listen to music, and that helped me for a long time. The only problem with this for me was that I was constantly listening to music to make myself feel better. It was only masking the problem instead of actually treating it. Later, I was prescribed abilify, and it has helped me live a much more improved live without all of the anxiety and stress of feeling as if I'm not good enough. Once in a while, I still get those moments... but I can easily think of what's most important to me and distract myself from actually thinking too hard on it.

In every aspect of life.

CONSTANTLY.

You are only not ever good enough if you fail to meet the standards you set yourself. Trying to meet someone else's expectations depends on the respect you have for them and their position of authority over you (parent, teacher, boss) and your desire to please them. But one person in your life has different expectations of you than another person and another person. So if you try to please everybody you end up going crazy. At the end of the day when you look yourself in the mirror, you are the only person you have to please and the measure of whether you come up to expectations depends on the standards you place on yourself (ethics, morality, abilities at school or workforce, respect for parents and institutions etc.).

I have made myself miserable for all of my life doing this. This has pushed me to excel at most everything I do; but, the success just tastes like ashes

It can and will probably get better with age. Either it gets worse or it gets better.

But it requires a different view on life. Realize there is more in life than the fake standards in which people hold you up too. How much money you earn, Career. pointless fake stuff like that.

Its about learning to enjoy life for what it is. take joy in the small things. Every day i seek people out in the realm world. They act like zombies running around with all their future goals. Never even having time to stop up for a sec or deviate from their predetermined path.

Ive come to not care what other people think off me, its a really good thing to learn.

It definitely is hard to accomplish goals and other things, based on how bad your diagonisis is. I personally wanted to go to fitness like and workout my entire life. So like i can become stronger and handle stuff and help my mom and stuff, if she needs to move lift washing machine and other heavy stuff. That was when i was 14. now im 30. Ive finally started to work out at home, nothing fancy. You can fail much more than that. Imagine spending 16 years wanting to do something, but not having the nerves.

Not to mention working out takes mental focus. and the outside world even a public place like a gym, would probably be sensory overload and nightmares, music going at max volume, people standing around talking, people asking questions, having to wait at equipment, not being able to follow a plan.

You just gotta accept your different and your short comings. I dont think its a bad thing. i would rather accept myself for what i am, than lying to my self and keep trying and failing, because that will never do any good. I mean i know im pretty dumb, and terrible, like TERRIBLE and learning. and i would honestly imagine that my parents is disappointed in me, i imagine.

I just think its important to learn to accept reality even if its really hard. I know when i was younger, kept trying to fit in, getting told i was just lazy, trying to keep a job, had one for 4 years. kept failing at every aspect of the NORM of life. that was what lead me down even more depression and lead me to become very negative as a person. In stead now a days i focus on the small victories. for me its a big feat to get out shopping for food before my kitchen is entirely empty and cleaned out. Getting out a getting a hair cut, before its 10 cm's long.

Sometimes.

I have days when I feel every action or things I seem to do just feels or just isn't good enough and then I find myself wondering, why did I even bother with anything. Feels like a God given talent that I had for whatever reason has gone down the drain and wonder if I even had a talent to even start with. Surely I'm not the only one that thinks this?

I have a voice in my head that angrily attacks me over even the slightest mistakes. "You stupid f**k" it yells. Now I know it is under my own conscious control, at least to some extent, but it is hard to suppress the viscous and sudden attacks. No matter how much good work I do, Any flaw feels like evidence of a complete and total incompetence. Yeah, I know it's stupid, but I haven't found a good way to circumvent this kind of thinking.

Absolutely. It's a constant thing for me, and people often tell me that I should be more confident and assertive. It's kind of hard to do that when you're nearly always feeling down on yourself.