How do you deal with last minute schedule changes?

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The past week my in-laws have been really really bad about suddenly changing their minds about meeting up. Today, my MIL was supposed to come get the kids (toddlers, one on the spectrum) at 3-3:30, so I got them ready to go, letting them know what was happening, and then by 3:22 I got a text saying she wouldn't be here until 5.
I'm freaking out, my kids aren't happy, and I'm trying not to yell at anyone, but this is making me cry and want to punch things and lose it completely. It's taking a lot to keep calm on the outside for the kids and I guess this post is mostly a distraction. I just don't know how to cope with it, it takes so much out of me. Twice in one week this has happened, except the last time they just plain canceled it.

I recommend a dark, quiet room. I usually go into my laundry room, the bathroom, or the closet. The smaller the room the better, for me anyway. I know your kids are young so if you have a safe place to put your kids (like gate them in a safe room with no choking hazards, child-safe electrical outlets, etc.), put them there or turn on their favorite show and take a break. Lots of moms do it. I know moms who are not on the spectrum who go hide in their closets and cry sometimes. Just make sure you can still hear them and use your judgment on how long you can leave the room.

I'm sure I have reacted worse to lesser things.
So, I do not react well to small changes, depending on exactly what they are.

I wouldn't have liked it, but I think most people are bothered by that, too. It's probably not an aspie thing. More like a personality clash.

It makes me wonder if they've just completely forgotten how little kids react too. My toddlers can do what I want to do, and the eldest has ended up melting down because of these last minute changes. He also doesn't like to deviate from the plan.

QuiversWhiskers, I actually have had to lock myself in a room before, though I'm not comfortable leaving the kids alone (they're escape artists).

Is there any polite way to tell people not to ever do this kind of crap again? I just ended up telling my MIL how upset my eldest was, but I really don't think that helped much. It's only gotten bad in the past few months, so a recent development I guess I'll have to plan on...

I don't handle last minute changes that well, but I usually run with it because I have no choice.

It depends what moment I get the info about change.

If I am focused/busy/doing something already and someone tells me I have to drop everything and do something else I have a hard time dealing with it. I try to compromise to get a few minutes to finish whatever I am doing because before that I am unable to think clearly. If people still insist on the change before I make my mind I get overwhelmed, shut in my room and sit there, trying not to yell or break stuffs.

But I can deal with the change if I get the info while in idle mode. For example if I was about to turn on a game (planning to play a few hours) but didn't hit the button yet and someone tells me "We are going to grandma, get ready." I will deal with that easily. But if the game is already on I will get overwhelmed.

I think I deal with it by expecting social arrangements to get rearranged, so it's less of a shock when it happens, though it probably makes it harder to remember the arrangements, because I don't expect them to happen. I also limit my social involvement, so that these difficulties won't arise very often, and looking at my small group of friends, they're all pretty reliable people.

I often make a back up plan of what to do if a schedule is changed. It can help you be more prepared mentally for it, and if the back up plan is made with your kids it could maybe help them too?

I also find music helps