Using other people as proxies?

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I have been studying my own social behavior with a fine toothpick even since I found out I had AS. One of the things I find myself doing is trying to use some NT that I know as a friend and have relationship with as a proxy to communicate with other NT's that I don't know. For example. If I'm with a group of people and one of them is a friend and the others are just strangers. I will try to use my friend to try and tell me what the other in the group are doing. Do any of you find yourselves doing this as well?

I had one back in 1st year high school. She was one of the very few best friends I had in my life. She's practically a popular NT (who befriended me) and an honor student, plus has more brains than I'm, minus the typical teenage drama behavior. She's practically more sensitive than I'm, up to the point I became her sort-off a bodyguard against certain harassers (due to her popularity). It's a huge plus that time, she was practically the 'leader', so it was very easy to request to her.
I don't know if she has experiences with any forms of autism, but I'm sure she's not some 'people user' that I kept seeing everyday during those days. She simply knows why I'm annoyed, and ignoring my body language that people are putting off.
She left a year after, which is the worst. After that, it was the worst year of my current life.


Right now, my mom is. Sometimes my sister. Except sometimes they're doing it wrong but ah well.

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Oh yes. For me it's my cousin. Even on forums he's fielded stuff for me. What you really have is an interpreter.

Definitely yes - my wife.

I guess....if I was more motivated to be "social".... that my wife might serve as a sort of "proxy."

Yes, in situations that in any way feel like a confrontation, because I can't stand that and it makes me very uncomfortable and agitated.

My wife doesn't serve as a proxy in our arguments; rather, she IS the "other side."

Yes. I have three. My therapist, my sister, and my Dad. My therapist is my proxy for dealing with the healthcare/government stuff having to do with my therapy and Case Management. My Dad tries to help me with the daily stuff. My sister does what my Dad can not or will not. I may have a fourth after meeting with Case Management after the holidays. Appointment yet to be set.

Yes! I ask people I know for information on people I don't know so well. People sometimes perceive it as being nosey, but really it's a way for me to find out whether someone can be trusted or not. I've been burned in the
past by people, who I thought were being nice to me but we're actually making fun of me. By asking people with normal social skills about someone else, it allows me to find out what kind of person they are.

Proxies can help, though the best solution is to learn how to analyze NT behavior. I think 'Emotions Revealed by Ekman is a great book to start with.

Absolutely. My best friend is my interpreter and often helps me deal with NT stuff that just makes no sense at all.

No, I usually try to do everything myself, whether I have the skill or not. If somebody else has to speak for me, I feel cheated out of my right to behave like an adult. I'm not saying I'm right, just perfectionist and annoyingly independent.

It is not too often that I am working my way into a new group of people. When it happens, though, my husband is a help to me. He helps me keep track of names and tells me who goes together (married couples, parents/kids, etc.) I often cannot keep this information straight for quite a while.

It also seems that he is able to pick up tidbits of information somewhat better than I am and will pass it along. However, I am the one who tends to have better intuition about the character of a person (not always, but usually). This only works, though, if I am not in the midst of conversation with the person and have an opportunity to quietly observe and do some reasoning.