Officially Diognost Today and Proud (Over 40)...

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I just turned 42. I'm American. They didn't have no "Aspergers" back in my day. They called everything ADHD and "Learning Disability". What a bunch of BS.

(BTW, I can't spell or do grammar worth crap, sorry for the mistakes).

I was the Geek, Idiot, Most talkative loser in school. But I was the smartest person in school, and no I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. When you don't seem "the same as everyone else" you are automatically claimed "less" then everyone or "slow". Everyone else is exactly the same to me, they talk the same, act the same and get the same grades. I didn't, I got D's and F's because I hated school so much. I was more interested in running home to watch Transformers (the original one guys).

I've been an outcast all my life. I was pulled out of 3rd grade and put into Special Education and Counseling because I didn't do school work or homework. But I always had the closest guess on how many jelly beans were in the jar. I made loud noises in class because I was bored to death. I got sent to the office so many times. I was a major bully target until my Sophomore year in highschool. I got beat up so many times. In highschool I got sick of it and started throwing my own punches. I got sick of everyone picking on me for not doing s**t. like I was some easy target.

In 4th grade I became a teacher assistant and taught the 6th graders how to use computers and basic math. When highschool came along I was an assistant in Video Productions for two years (easy grade). Knowone in Highschool could do anything with Video or audio except for another friend of mine which later we stayed friends for years.

In 4th grade they pulled me out school and placed me into a strict school with very STERN teachers that grade you per hour on your behavior and how well you studied. Who ever got the lowest score would be forced to watch the other kids play games at the end of the day. Everyone in the class wanted to kill the teacher. It was bad.

I dropped out of collage for sound engineering, it was the most boring thing you could imagine. I didn't want to take tests, I wanted to use the equipment they had which we could hardly ever use. I also created electronic music for 20 years. I later mastered sound design and electronic music but I quit because I needed to make a real living and support my family.

My Sensory Processing is all out of whack for Sight, Smell and Vision. I can hear any sound and replicate the sound through synthesis on the computer. I started a youtube channel about it that quickly generated 15000 subscribers in a short time, but I got bored. Once I master something I want to move on to something else, not make a career about it. I can manifest accents very easily and adapt other peoples personalities during a conversation, mostly because I have no personality.

I smell things that know one else smells. I need to work in a dim room as bright lights are torcher for me.

Unfortunately I will need to leave out my business details as it will blow my cover. I have some very popular products online in the creative area. I've made upwards to $100k in a single day and have created standards in how people present their publishing online. This is all because of my extreme sensory issues that I have used to my advantage to make a living. I have done this several times.

Friends is the hardest thing for me, not because I have difficulty making them, because my personality is non-existent. It's easier to just keep to myself and stay around my family. I'm seeing therapy right now to see about getting back my identity.

I can also make short films and do movie scores and I know everything there is to know about pixels, photoshop and photography. But I'm bored with it. And I've decided to take on a new career doing something I am not naturally good at and I'm much happier and less stressed to be perfect all the time. My deja vu is also really bad and I hear things at times before they happen and various dreams that become real.

I am not from this planet, I have all the issues you guys have and more. They are extreme, however I have been blessed to act and appear normal as any averaged person and you would never know the difference. It's hard to post on this forum, I really don't relate to anyone here other then for a few typical traits? You guys seem so normal. Seriously! If anyone can relate to me please reply or post something, would love to connect.

I'm a big fan of all the brain movies, like Powder, RainMan, Beautiful Mind, Almost all movies about time travel, 2001 Space Odyssey, and fans of other spectrum music artists like FSOL and The Orb.

I found a therapist with over 20 years experience with Autism. She said she already sensed I had aspergers after sharing my experience. Of course this is all because I said I wanted an "aspergers" test which I think limits myself for any other possibilities such as Savant or something. My goal is to go downtown and get the more expensive mental evaluation. My aspergers score is over average. But I already knew all this before taking the test. I just wanted some type of "official" testing done, but I honestly feel like it was a waist of my time. Because if I am smart, then I know what's going on with me, and I surly do. Now my goal is to find how to cope better in the real word.

Living in an NT world is not easy. You have to fake it sometimes to get by. But I will always be floating, never grounded.

What the hell is that to be proud of? I was dx'd in my 40's too. It just explained some things to me, it didn't make me proud. It's a medical condition, not a social pass.

Great story and well worth reading. You have a great spirit. No matter what you face, you take the initiative and make your own way. I can really relate to that.

Getting a diagnosis is great but again, as is so often said, everything changes but nothing changes. The diagnosis does not limit you and doesn't mean you cannot get additional evaluations and diagnoses. Its a continuum so you can be more than one state of mind.

I was diagnosed at age 45 (about two years ago). As in your case, I knew what the diagnosis would be, but just felt I needed it confirmed by someone else.

That sense that you don't have a personality and are just floating is something I can relate to. In my younger days, I tried very hard to fit in with society and ended up with a significant alcohol abuse problem that went on for many years. I am now off the booze (for six months) and am trying to be true to myself. What is this thing I call 'myself'? This is the difficulty because I have always just been whatever it is that society appeared to expect. I am the ultimate 'social chameleon'. As you describe about being able to put on accents, I do that. I can act the construction worker or the business executive. I can be the charismatic evangelical sort, but only for a brief period of time.I can do it but it exhausts me. I am trying to discover myself at the moment but I am afraid of what it might do to my career. I can't afford to lose my job. I am thinking of taking a job in another city but know that this will not change anything. The trouble I guess is I can't afford to change career and lose income and so my self discovery options are limited to things I do outside of work. I cannot complain because there any many people stuck in unwanted jobs, enslaved to underwater mortgages and unhappy relationships. My life isn't a bad one. I need to just work through my challenges as all people must do.

It is not not an easy road but we have no other to travel, so I guess we just keep going.

I’m proud to have found it myself and I see it as a Gift and advantage, not a condition.




Hey thanks for your reply. I just realized how long the post was after looking it over again. I was voted “Most Talkative” 2 years in a row in the Junior High Year book. I can talk and have conversations for an unlimited amount of time. My record is 13 hours straight.

Sounds like you already knew what was happening before the diagnosis. If it wasn’t for the internet I think I would still be lost trying to take on business projects that were based around people and constantly placing myself into bad possessions thinking I am like everyone else.

I totally fell for the “just need more willpower” to succeed. But the more I worked with people the worse things got. These days I choose paths that best fit my brain and how it’s best fit for me.

I hear you on the job thing. I was employed at 32 different places. I either quit, got let go, or walked off the job. I could not understand why I sucked at jobs. Then I realized I need to work for myself to be happy.

I highly advise you, and anyone else on this forum to seriously consider firing your boss and getting out of your job. You can start a small internet business as an Autistic and dive into CPA Marketing or learn how to monetize yourself and your talents. As an Aspie myself, I quickly learned I was trying to win a losing battle with a job. You are also making someone else rich and you are not getting paid for what you are worth. In this time and age we are blessed with technology that can allow us to have a choice and do as we please, full fulling all our needs. Just my two cents.

Regarding the different personalities, I totally hear you and it’s very exhausting indeed.

We keep going but I believe we must work smart and not hard. Longterm goals, being more self sufficient, call our own shots and be in control of how much income you can make which a job does not provide. People have a poor relationship with money, when it’s only a tool, that is all. This tool should be used and help you build a foundation overtime.

I think it’s very difficult for an Autistic to be uncomfortable because they need routine and step-by-step. They like to be comfortable being uncomfortable, but it’s truly the kiss of death. If you do what you have always done, you will get the results you have always got. So things much change and involve constantly, and if done right, can be melded into a routine that we love so much. Your new routine can be “constantly being innovative” at all times or during a block of a set time, and incorporate this into your daily routine. Anything you do NOT like doing can be turned into a habit instead. This means you can do anything. Most people quit right before they have success and anyone can master anything if they just keep following through a challenge. Winston Churchill said it well — “If you are going through hell, keep going”.

Pain is always temporary. But if you quit, that lasts forever.

Completely relate to that.I am a notorious info dumper.



I would love to do this but (here come all the excuses ...) I am not financially in a position to take risks. Notwithstanding my work difficulties, I really work hard, push out major amounts of good quality work and so I tend to be kept. People do value what I do. I don't want to rock the boat because of my financial responsibilities to my family.

if I were to get booted out for any reason I might just try going it alone as a consultant.



Yes, that is exactly the issue. I enjoy moving to new jobs, moving house but can't quite see my way to working for myself without that monthly paycheck.