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Waterfalls
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15 Jun 2015, 8:54 pm

I often feel other people play with me, but a number of times someone I like and respect has said they can't play with me (manage/manipulate) as they might others. Yet it's clear to me people play with my mind quite a bit, not sure it's always intentional.

What might it mean when someone says this?



ToughDiamond
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15 Jun 2015, 9:16 pm

Hmmm.......it sounds like the typical Aspie's plight to me - NTs have a lot of playful little ways that tend to be lost on autistic folks, and sometimes it annoys NTs that we don't join in with that stuff. I hope they haven't been too judgemental about it.



Britte
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15 Jun 2015, 11:18 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
I often feel other people play with me, but a number of times someone I like and respect has said they can't play with me (manage/manipulate) as they might others. Yet it's clear to me people play with my mind quite a bit, not sure it's always intentional.

What might it mean when someone says this?


I can't be sure that my answer is correct, but, perhaps that person means that you are too insightful or intuitive to be played/manipulated/managed.

OR, there is the possibility that he means that he cant get a 'rise' out of you, the way he does with others. This often happens to me, due to thinking mostly in literal and logical terms, which can make it much less fun for some people to try to 'play' with me/my mind.



Britte
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15 Jun 2015, 11:36 pm

Actually, I think I meant exactly what ToughDiamond expressed, however, I am not so great with getting my thoughts across, in writing (or otherwise, for that matter). I was to quick to respond and did not read ToughDiamonds post, prior to offering my thoughts.



Waterfalls
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16 Jun 2015, 3:08 am

Thank you both! It didn't seem nasty, this time, but this time the person saying this was my daughter who was mad at me and I complained she seemed to be playing with me. She has AS too.

It seems like sometimes people think I'm refusing to play a game right and are mad.

I don't want to disappoint my daughter, but I felt like I was, just don't know whether there's anything I can do about it. Know that's not a lot to go on......



Amity
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16 Jun 2015, 4:34 am

I've been told this before. Sometimes when I realise whats happening I go along with it just to see what the outcome will be, is my resistance a worthwhile use of energy, or is it just harmless. With trusted people its often harmless, but still I make a point of letting the other person know, that I know they are playing with me, but in a gentle light hearted way.



smilinglv
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16 Jun 2015, 5:37 am

you thought too much . be easy.....



Waterfalls
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16 Jun 2015, 9:19 am

Amity wrote:
I've been told this before. Sometimes when I realise whats happening I go along with it just to see what the outcome will be, is my resistance a worthwhile use of energy, or is it just harmless. With trusted people its often harmless, but still I make a point of letting the other person know, that I know they are playing with me, but in a gentle light hearted way.

How can one know it's happening in order to try to go along?



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2015, 9:23 am

Through experience, mostly. And through actions.

Actions frequently "speak louder than words."



Waterfalls
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16 Jun 2015, 9:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Through experience, mostly. And through actions.

Actions frequently "speak louder than words."

Can you elaborate?



ToughDiamond
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16 Jun 2015, 9:58 am

Britte wrote:
Actually, I think I meant exactly what ToughDiamond expressed, however, I am not so great with getting my thoughts across, in writing (or otherwise, for that matter). I was to quick to respond and did not read ToughDiamonds post, prior to offering my thoughts.

I think the ideas you brought here are as worthwhile as mine.

To the OP, I guess it's a matter of deciding whether you want to join in with a game or not. If you do, you'd need to find out what the rules are, and how to play it. I hope it doesn't turn out to be one of those things where they say it spoils it to have to explain it.



Waterfalls
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16 Jun 2015, 10:08 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
Britte wrote:
Actually, I think I meant exactly what ToughDiamond expressed, however, I am not so great with getting my thoughts across, in writing (or otherwise, for that matter). I was to quick to respond and did not read ToughDiamonds post, prior to offering my thoughts.

I think the ideas you brought here are as worthwhile as mine.

To the OP, I guess it's a matter of deciding whether you want to join in with a game or not. If you do, you'd need to find out what the rules are, and how to play it. I hope it doesn't turn out to be one of those things where they say it spoils it to have to explain it.

I am happy to get different ideas!

Starting to wonder.....is it possible I resist doing it because I don't enjoy playing with people or being played with.....but maybe what you say about spoiling it to have to explain it....maybe some people actually enjoy the process of playing with others, and not just as a path to achieve a goal. Just for fun, not maliciously. What you wrote made me wonder.



Amity
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16 Jun 2015, 10:24 am

I don't know how, I never thought about it before.

I suppose with people I know well it follows a pattern, I expect them to say xyz, eg my niece will accompany all of her ploys with a particular tone of voice, tilting her head to one side; an exaggerated method of letting me know that she wants me to do xyz. My sister does the same thing, perhaps she learned it from her. When I was younger this type of game would result in an argument, but it grew into a funny script, where as soon as I hear that particular tone, I might respond in jest 'what do you want now!'. Sometimes accompanied by other daftness/silliness. It only works like this with close family members.

Is this the type of situation that happens with your daughter?



Britte
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16 Jun 2015, 11:23 am

Waterfalls wrote:
Thank you both! It didn't seem nasty, this time, but this time the person saying this was my daughter who was mad at me and I complained she seemed to be playing with me. She has AS too.

It seems like sometimes people think I'm refusing to play a game right and are mad.

I don't want to disappoint my daughter, but I felt like I was, just don't know whether there's anything I can do about it. Know that's not a lot to go on......


You're welcome! I hope you've sorted out what she had meant.
: )



Waterfalls
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16 Jun 2015, 11:52 am

Th administrator where I work says this, other people have, too.

And kind of like what you describe Amity, except if the person cues me with a teasing expectant expression I get it, but my daughter was irritable and that's getting me mixed up and confused.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2015, 5:07 pm

It took me a long time to get facial expressions, etc, and many subtle signs that people give you.

I was only able to learn through experience.

When I say "actions speak louder than words," I am thinking of your daughter. Sometimes, her words might be unkind, and she might be irritable--but when it all comes down to it, she'll help you when you are in a pinch, because she loves you, despite her irritable words.