The Battlefield-Psychology of Everyday Life

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This is something that goes almost completely unnoticed by NTs, and many ND's as well (a term I coined as far as I know :> , ND = NeuroDiverse).

It's the psychology of accepting "hi's" from people, and also openly talking with people and smiling whilst doing it.
For example, a person, that works in a shop, or is a clerk at a library, will acknowledge a "hi" from people they've deemed worthy, or that they like, or that they see as being a member of "the in-crowd". (To curry favor and climb the social ladder, of course).

I've noticed that many shop clerks and librarians won't smile while talking to , nor even acknowledge a "hi", "good morning", or "good evening", from people who are poor. Or people who don't look mainstream. Or successful. You get the idea.

I've noticed some of these a**holes who run these shops and such openly smile and talk and cajole customers (who are usually rich, or cool, or are in the in-crowd), then when it comes my turn to make my purchase at the point-of-sale device, a Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde switcharoo happens. And it scares me.

I really think NT's , or maybe just people in general are true psychopaths.
And there's so much first-hand experience for this that there is no longer any question about this.

I realize I'm part of this human-ape beehive we got going here and that I have some of the psychotic traits the "normies" do. However, being ASD, or just an intelligent, peaceful person, I watch myself, my behavior all the time, and I'm VERY sure I don't do to people what mainstream "normal" people do to me and other people.

All this jeckle-and-hyde, double-faced, back-stabbing, cloak-and-dagger behavior is what happens every minute of every day in human-ape life here on this planet. And it's sickening and very very sad.
It's a never-ending mindless psychological warfare on unsuspecting people just trying to go about their daily lives and get stuff done !

The heart-sinking realization is that 95% of this subliminal psychological warfare (intuitional statistic, not empirical)
is run and operated by the subconscious. And if you know anything about the subconscious, you know it's a truly unstoppable force. (maybe able to change the subconscious using meditation or spiritual practices though)

I suspect many ND's will not understand what I'm talking about either, as they are also part of the problem.

Can you see this reality (and it is a reality , yes it is, in case you spin-doctors want to try anything) ?

It's this unchecked (and mostly unseen by most people) psychological tit-for-tat warfare that causes and leads up to large-scale violence and malice. If you've ever been maliced IRL , I assure you, it can be worse than physical violence.

Anybody understand this ? Can you relate to this ?

I feel sometimes like I'm in that Twilight Episode of the Man who emerges from his bunker after WW3 only to find he's the last Man on Earth. Feels that lonely sometimes (well , more than sometimes) when nobody has the capacity or the willingness to understand what you're conveying to them.

I think you are confusing your emotional responses to things with what may be happening. If you think you are the only one who understands things and that everyone else is the problem, then chances are the problem is in your thinking.

You are right that shop owners may be friendlier to people they think will spend money. This isn't fair, but it's not necessarily malicious. They do have to make a living. They may want to give equal time to everyone, but if that means their business will end up closing because they're avoiding too many people who would spend money, then they have a whole new set of problems. You're making too many assumptions about their behavior based on what you see. I say this as someone who is often ignored by staff when shopping or at restaurants. I know that part of that may be because I don't make good eye contact. I also don't really mind, because I don't want to talk with staff in a store unless I really have to.

I've noticed a lot of librarians are not very cheerful when I see them, but that's only an observation. You have to ask why that is. You have to understand their job from their point of view and also understand who they are as individuals to answer that question.

What is the in-crowd? Humans can be very group-oriented, but there is no secret in-crowd.

You say you are peaceful and don't do what most people do, but it sounds like you are judging and making assumptions without enough knowledge, and categorizing individuals you don't really know. Isn't this the same behavior you don't like in shop owners? Calling it psychological warfare is a bit extreme. I think what you're observing is people acting based on need and convenience, something we all do in our own ways. Invoking the subconscious also isn't very helpful. It's a convenient concept used by Freud and Jung to lend credence to the idea that their hypotheses were scientific and systematic, when they weren't. Their work is more successful at describing themselves than all people. It is too easy to attribute something to the subconscious since the subconscious is, by definition, not conscious and therefor unknown. I think the truth is that we can all tend to deal better with people who will help fulfill our needs and who we see as being like us--this is just easier to observe in social people, such as most NTs. The important thing is to realize that someone's value is not based on how they fulfill your needs, and to broaden your definition of "kind" to include as many people as possible.

most people say will reciprocate a "hello" without thinking about it. I don't think you should read too much into this.

not reading too much in it, agree
but it never stops
my next door woman has an admittance program for new ppl, park their car in front of my door!
it's not exacly big city, what gets in their head ??!

Alex,

It's obvious you've taken the NTs "be successful and happy" route in life, with nary a serious consideration for ASD people who live vastly different lives than you, and who suffer and who are at the abject mercy of this cold and upsidedown society we live in.

Unless you're a blithely successful capitalist entrepreneur of course. That's commendable. But most ASD people hardly get the comfortable chance to ease into the system of goods , services, easy living, social acceptance, and all the rest of the things most of you tske for granted as you steam-roll the rest of us out of existence. Which is of course what all this is about.

Countless millions of silent voices.
Because suffering, like a river, runs silent when it is very deep.
Not to mention , the dead never tell tales.
But sucessful capitalists never shut the f**k up. Do they.

I could care less that developed this site.
It puts you above no one.

And no, I won't follow you on facebook and twitter.

Cryos, you do realize Alex is diagnosed Asperger's, right? He's not NT.

And if he doesn't care for those with ASD, why would he make this site? The whole point was to find more people like him. This site has been here more than 10 years, and he and the site still remain active. Someone who didn't care would leave it to decay. To put this much into a site suggests he cares a lot.

What have you got against him? I have never seen anyone be rude to Alex before.

I don't really notice how store people act at the store.
I pay for my things and leave.
I prefer self-checkout to avoid interacting with people.

I'm usually in too much of a hurry to notice such things from people. When I notice such things, I chalk it up as the other customers engaging in small talk, while I just want to get out of there.

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I call it the game of life. Most of it I believe is not intentionally malicious, although some of it certainly is and that kind is usually someone wanting to feel superior by putting someone else down.

People simply gravitate to those who are useful, it is like a low level manipulation and act going on 24/7 by almost everyone. If at a glance you are judged non-useful you'll be ignored.

If you don't act the right way and give off the correct signals you're just ignored, or at higher levels actively annoy people.

The sad thing is these false impressions people have of each other matter more than objective reality, you can be the most productive worker in the office but if you are disliked you can watch yourself left behind while others climb the ladder through social manipulation.

I've been so beaten down by this, and I realize I can complain about it but it will never change.

It's true that if you say hello to someone, they will most likely say hello back; even if they don't like you. Not sure how you've taken all of those other things from what I said. Just because someone says hello, it doesn't have much bearing on anything else (positive or negative). And that doesn't really have anything to do with my outlook, it's just a fact that 9/10 times, if you say hello to someone, they will say hello back or at least nod their head or do something else to show acknowledgement.

People say hello back because they know how it feels to be ignored.

Ye gods, you're even more negative than I am. That's not an insult mind you, just... an expression of amazement.

Consider: People may change their attitude when you reach the front of the line BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU ARE DOING. On this topic here, you sound AMAZINGLY negative. Like, really, REALLY negative. And angry. Something tells me that it might not be uncommon for you to give off an "I hate the world" sort of vibe IRL. People pick up on this. How do I know? Because I bloody well do the same thing; in my case, it's often on purpose, since I've learned about this. Alot of NTs read people fairly easily. Give off a certain "vibe".... provided you can.... and many will catch it. Automatically, their brains respond to this, and their attitude will change accordingly. If I go into a store with the "EVERYTHING IS STUPID AND ANNOYING" aura surrounding me, people tend to leave me alone; cashiers tend to not say much. If I go in there while in an obvious good mood, BAM, those very same people are talkative and will try to chat with me about whatever. In my own jobs that I've had in the past, I've done the same thing. Every customer wants a certain reaction. Some like to chat with the cashier. Some just want to get their damn coffee (or whatever) and get out of there without being talked at.

Note, this isnt something I'm just guessing at. This is something I can actively MAKE HAPPEN. Turn on the happy vibe, I get talked at. Turn on the angry vibe, and it's like a light switch; many wont say much at me. It allows me to control how much/often people talk at me. It is useful.

Obviously, not EVERYONE responds like this. There are some that will talk at you ANYWAY, and there are some that are anti-social by nature themselves and will be quiet at most everyone.

But there's more to it than JUST that. Sometimes, if you see someone like a cashier being abnormally talkative towards someone... it might just be because they know that person. I've done that. I've seen that. It's natural to talk more to someone you know.

And really, that's just the start. There's way more beyond THAT as well.

My point though, is that you cant JUST consider what the other guy might be doing wrong; you have to consider what YOU might be doing wrong, regardless of how biased you might be against that possibility. Because the chance is extremely high that it's partly your own doing. Most people do not notice an "in-crowd" idea. Most people dont GIVE A DAMN about such an idea. PARTICULARLY when in a job, where, one way or another, they're required to deal with each customer in a manner that's appropriate and effective to that particular customer (thus, not talking too much to an angry dude that just wants to buy something and get back home, or talking up someone that's clearly a chatty individual). And frankly, if there is an "in-crowd", I havent the foggiest damn clue what it is. But I know I'm not in it, and I know I tend to come off as strange to most, even just in appearance. Yet still, even obviously not being part of that mythical group, I can still control this as I said I can. Which kinda proves my point. I dont have to be in some magical "in-crowd", or even appear remotely normal, to get the responses I want from people.

Note that it took a long time for me to learn about all of this. I used to think like you do. Eventually (and I really do mean "eventually"), I was taught otherwise, and had a chance to find out for myself the truth of it over time.

One way or another though, if you constantly automatically say "WELL THAT DUDE IS A JERK. EVERYONE IS A JERK. HUMANITY IS MADE OF JERKS", you'll never see the good side of anyone, because anything that MIGHT be good will bounce off of your shield of anger. Probably with a "SPROING!" noise.


EDIT: I'm *really* getting tired of this site. I'm not even going to try to explain what I had to do to make this actually post properly. Suffice it to say though, hitting "submit" should *not* take me to my profile editing page instead (???). Seriously, that sort of glitch doesnt even make sense. Among the other things it did before I got it to work. Even Youtube isnt THAT messed up. And I dont say that lightly.

Ouch, Cryos, no need to lay into Alex with such sharp knives.

Anyone can be on the receiving end of what feels like someone's sudden dropped smile or look of disapproval, because it can be for any one of a plethora of diverse reasons, and it's not even always people who look poor, odd, down on their luck, ND etc who can get the stink-eye from a store clerk or librarian, either.

It's well-known that other people respond to you based on how you appear. There are some who think controlling that is as simple as 'being positive', but that is only part of what is required.

For example, consider the black person who runs to catch a bus and is stopped by the police. When they complain, white people say 'just don't look like a criminal' - which is impossible for a black person who is running.

Or as the OP pointed out, poor people. Have you ever seen how most people respond to the homeless? No matter what they say or do, nearly everyone treats them like garbage.