My Asperger's has caused social anxiety - a vicious circle

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In recent times, I've become a lot more reluctant to be around people or engaging in meaningful things, as repeated social failures have made me develop social anxiety out of fear of committing even further such social faux pas. This is something I consider quite rational, as I've time after time realized that I way too often make things worse for myself in social situations, and what staying away from social contact is the best way to prevent more damage.

An illustration is that I was recently called into the manager's office at my new job, that I've had for just about three months, and they complained about my conduct during lunch, towards my co-workers, that I seem arrogant and not listening to instructions, and so on, and threatened me with getting fired. Friends I've made in the past have also started to dislike me because of my socially unacceptable behavior.

What's very weird, is that in more formal situations, I'm very confident and able to function normally. The reason I got the job mentioned above was that I, in the words of the same manager who threatened to fire me three months later, was because I gave an "excellent impression" during the interview. I have no problems with speaking in class, doing a monologue in front of people, or asking someone questions. When I went to see a psychologist last week for the first time in many years, in order to get help with the issues at hand, he said that I "definitely did not appear autistic" and he casted doubts on the correctness of my diagnosis based on our 30-minute conversation.

The problem is, that while I'm able to give off a good first impression, people, like my employer or my friends, quickly begin to see the "real" me, who apparently is a repulsive human being, without me able to put a finger on how and why. This makes me think that the best I can do is to stay away from them, and talk as little as possible. Dating is even worse, as that potentially could lead to a lot of heartbreak as well.

I'm in a very vicious circle. I've been reading about social anxiety and people who suffer only from that, and that when they're treated for their anxiety, they're able to function in a socially normal manner. I, however, have an incurable social disability that makes my personality disgusting behind the anxiety. The biggest fear is of telling people about it, fearing that I'll lose what I have and keeps me up, like my job, my few friends in university, and my hobby as a student politician.

Someone, please, give me some encouraging words

First of all, your personality is fine ... it's simply different.
The challenge comes because many people are uncomfortable with differences.
Now that you are aware of how you come across to others,
you can work on correcting the incorrect assumptions of others.

No, you're not arrogant, but others see you that way ...
so what can you do to make yourself seem friendlier?
Smile, ask other people how their weekend was, or what they're doing this weekend, or how their family is, and be happy to hear about their accomplishments.

Yes, you are perfectly willing to follow directions, but others don't see you that way ...
so what can you do?
Take notes, and politely ask the person giving you instructions to please speak slowly enough so that you can keep up and ask questions to make sure you understand ...
... and another thing I've learned is, when you ask for help this way,
speak calmly, pleasantly, with a combined confidence and humility, with a smile on your face and in your voice.
If you start showing signs of anxiety while asking for help,
it makes the other person nervous, and sometimes they get upset.

You want a friendship or a girlfriend?
Keep it balanced when it comes to communication.
Don't be the guy that calls every single day, or who texts 17 times in one day ...
and on the other hand, if somebody calls you,
don't completely ignore the call (that said, waiting to answer after two or three days is acceptable),
and don't keep turning down invitations to parties, restaurants, movies, or other events.
Reciprocation is the key.

Things can get better.
I wish you the best of success!

i don't know if i have asperger's but i am sure i have social anxiety, my schoolmates think i am unapproachable and too weird. example, if i am with a teacher or anatoher adult, i behave very well and i seem completely "normal" but if i am just with another 15 years old like me, i am too scared of speaking because i think i might be ridicolous and in my whole life i done lots of gaffes! (P.E. lessons are my eternal nightmere).
i think that is just me and in my life i will be an asocial '60-music addicted and too concentrated in genetic and tv series forever
i hope you will get out of social anxiety, good luck!!
sorry about my english