This seems to explain small talk pretty well:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_talk
tinyteddy wrote:
i dont mind small talk, and i've noticed a lot of the people i interact with are pretty friendly in general and also very honest, so if you ask someone how they are doing they might not always say "fine." i really do care about people, and i've noticed myself asking how they are doing because i genuinely care. dont feel bad if you can't/don't like small talk. a lot of it can be superficial, especially if you have no interest in getting to know the person, and in that case, if you must interact with them, a simple smile and hello will suffice. some people are the type who you can just start a conversation with right off the bat, about anything, and those are my favorite types of people.
Interesting. I too think that there can be more to the "how're you doing?" than the usual explanations give us. I used to think it was a bit silly to ask it at all, then I thought about it and figured it was actually a good way to greet somebody because it's really quite important to know from the start how they're doing. For example, if they're feeling bad because their best friend has just died, that's going to change the way you talk to them, if you've got any social skill and compassion at all. It seems rather a waste to just use it as a simplistic hailing signal.
The problem for me was that when people asked me how I am, I tended to try to answer very precisely, so they usually get something like "well, it's kind of hard to say......[blah blah]." I took to just saying "could be worse" rather than stick to the boring "fine!" that so many people use, and a surprising number of people used to laugh, as if I'd said something quite witty. I'd expected they'd just see it as a slightly refreshing version of "fine," and I never did work out what they found so funny about it. But they did seem to be laughing with me rather than at me.