I know many people on the spectrum suffer from social skill issues, but I guess I just wanted to relay my difficulties and see if anyone else can relate.
I often feel like I just can't read people. I never thought I had eye contact problems, but lately I realise I do have them. I tend to look elsewhere rather than at people or if I look at them it is for a very short time and then I worry that I looked at them for too long or if their expression meant something bad or good or what? Or I look at people's mouths. People say you should look at other people's noses instead, but that seems too close to the eyes for me sometimes. It's very uncomfortable. I have noticed I don't mind it as much if I'm with someone I know very well, but even then I tend to look away a lot. (I often think "Am I looking for too long? Am I coming off as rude or intimidating?") I think I especially avoid eye contact if I have to tell someone something very personal or tell them something I'm afraid will cause trouble. Then I avoid eye contact because I just loose my nerve if I see their eyes and wonder why they are making that expression - is it bad or good or nothing? But I feel like the eyes give away a lot at the same time - like I can tell if someone is kind or mean by their eyes even though I don't know them at all. I find I'm often right, even though many people that are completely different to me don't see it. I also feel like people can tell too much about me so I avoid eye contact because of that sometimes too.
Another thing I experience is what I call the social bubble or glass. When in social situations with friends, I often feel like I'm an observer, but not a participator, even if I say stuff and laugh etc. It feels like there's something I just don't "get." This can be quite anxiety inducing, so often it will make me seek comfort in things that make sense to me like my obsessions. I can control those things and often facts are facts - there is no figuring them out and when there is, it's more logical and straightforward and fun!
On the flipside, I often experience a wave of emotions all of a sudden. Once I was playing a game with family and all of a sudden this wave of anger or resentment came over me. It felt like it didn't come from me though so I was looking around to everyone because I had this feeling that someone else was feeling this way. But I still don't know who it was. I can tell if I've entered a room sometimes and something bad has happened. It's almost like a big waft of air, but in emotion form. However, sometimes I'm completely the opposite and just don't realise people are sad, happy or angry. It's so confusing and I really hate it.
Does anyone else relate?
12 Oct 2015, 6:48 pm
