Do you hate "age based" social rules?

Page 1 of 3 [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

zeldapsychology
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,431
Location: Florida

15 Feb 2016, 2:54 pm

small child paper cut perhaps while in the bathroom comes out ok no problem. fwd 30 year old adult woman does it (came out in bra/underwear) to show dad the blood see paper cut (on my finger from shaving) yet social rule "age rule" it's inappropriate etc. Not thinking that when it happen s**t! then blood then decided to show him I was "completely naked IMO I don't consider underwear/bra as "naked" my physical definition DUH! LAWS you wouldn't walk OUT OF YOUR HOME LIKE THAT! But out of the bathroom hey look to your dad but social age rule and social woman adult rule. Get called a wimp and mom said Oh he doesn't even see her in her underwear and bra!

Now I sort of feel stupid 30 and don't understand social rules or social age rules. :-(

I HATE SOCIAL AGE RULES I'M f*****g 30 YES BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I FOLLOW YOUR AGE RULES DAMN IT! OR YET ALONE BASIC SOCIAL RULES!

:-(



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

15 Feb 2016, 7:51 pm

You must be like me then, I hate being criticized about my age when doing something that is deemed socially inappropriate for my age.

You wanna meet my uncle then lol. He brings up my age in nearly every conversation, even when I haven't said or done anything. It drives me mad. Like when my mum was worrying about who will care for her elderly mum whilst she's on a vacation, and my uncle pointed at me and raved, "Jo can go to mum's and do some jobs. She's an adult, she's not a child." Or the time when my mum asked my uncle to build an extension to the house (he is a builder after all), and he started lecturing, "you've got 2 grown adult children in your house, why don't they build one?" Or when I once asked my mum when we were going on our planned shopping day, and my uncle butted in, "look at the size of you! You are adult enough to go shopping on your own!" (size meaning I am not a little girl). He doesn't seem to get the point that I know how capable enough I am to do stuff but I sometimes like company to enjoy a day out with. Age doesn't need to come into it. My uncle can become so erratic when it comes to age.


_________________
Female


zkydz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2015
Age: 64
Posts: 3,215
Location: USA

15 Feb 2016, 11:37 pm

This will sound like the old fart here, but when I was young, I abhorred those rules. But, as I have aged, I have come to appreciate them better.


_________________
Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8


biostructure
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,456

19 Feb 2016, 12:07 am

For me it isn't so much "rules" as just the kind of way people of a certain age are supposed to "feel" and come across. As an adult, I'm drawn to other adults who "feel" like kids--just in the kind of "vibe" they give off. It's a combination of the way their energy level works (more hyper, coming in "fits and starts"), their imagination, their disinterest in the mundane details of life, and just in general their sense of possibility and curiosity.

When other guys started wearing jackets and buttoned-up shirts (even when not at work), growing beards, and just generally became "established forces" in the world as opposed to being playful and running around, they started to lose me. The same with girls putting on "bolder" makeup, dressing up, wearing high heels, and carrying themselves more like ladies. "My" dating scene would involve a playground and a sandbox and a bunch of construction sets where people would get to know each other based on what kind of things they like to build/sculpt/whatever (despite obviously being technically adults).



mrfoggy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 15 Feb 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 65
Location: Singapore

19 Feb 2016, 4:27 am

I read and think it's common for aspie with older friends (who tolerate misbehavior) and younger friends (who don't care and ignorant)

Personally I click better with older people and feel more accepting and tolerance. as for smiliar age , often I find them intimidating and most of them far superior than me in many aspects. I often keep myself aware I have to be on par with their behavior and feel inferior when they give me that I approving look when I say something too kiddish, unconstructed , offensive.. U know how it feels, just like everyone trying to avoid you in class


_________________
Aspie/Austism score 33 (34 & up) ADHD score 40 (34 & up)
High alexithymic / dysthymia / Possible Borderline PD
Star children - Indigo Child Myer Brig - INTJ The Architect
enneagram most like 5w4 - The Investigator / The Individualist
IQ 120 -130 High in Visual Intellgence


886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,664
Location: SLC, Utah

19 Feb 2016, 6:53 am

I hate the ones that nitpick at my age or gender, and I mean the real frivolous and silly ones, such as hey, I'm a 26 year old man and I hate bacon (true story) you're not a real man hurr durr.

beyond that, the most important ones are the ones that should be followed. you know, practice personal hygiene, stuff like that.


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


Trogluddite
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2016
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075
Location: Yorkshire, UK

19 Feb 2016, 7:11 am

One phrase that has always frustrated me; "By the time I was your age I had...[been married X times / bought my Nth car or house / raised Y kids / etc...]". I've had that one from relatives many times in the past. Just how is a person expected to react to that? I just cannot see it as anything but insulting.


_________________
When you are fighting an invisible monster, first throw a bucket of paint over it.


zkydz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2015
Age: 64
Posts: 3,215
Location: USA

19 Feb 2016, 7:23 am

Could be insulting. Could also be a recognition of how much things have changed. My father was the first to go to college because all the previous family members had to quit school in their early teens to work and help the family. It was the norm for people to get married at ages like 14 and have children by the age of 16. When I was young, the norm was to get married soon after HS 17-19 and start a family.

So, not saying the people you mentioned were not being insulting. Could very well have been insulting. Context is everything on that, so without that, it's just wild guessing.

But it really has changed even since I was young.


_________________
Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 118,420
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

19 Feb 2016, 10:13 am

Yes, especially if they're also gender related.


_________________
The Family Enigma


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,302
Location: Pacific Northwest

19 Feb 2016, 12:24 pm

I hated them when I was a kid because I found it all confusing how to act and I didn't know right from wrong and apparently there were different rules for each age group and I didn't know how to act. Also I was still young on the inside and I was getting older so more and more was being expected and I thought I would be too old to play with toys or watching kid shows. Now they don't bother me. I mean it's not illegal to wear teen clothes or dress in junior clothes or illegal to play video games or get any Happy Meal toys when you are adults. I don't think the age rules bother me as much because I am not being told what to wear or how to spend my time or what fun things to do or being told to be tougher with things in adult life and I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing what you were wearing in front of people. Plus I don't copy children or teenagers because they are just bad role models for how to act. :wink:

Quote:
Could be insulting. Could also be a recognition of how much things have changed.


This. It's always interesting to hear our history and how things were then. Even elementary school aged children worked then to help support their families so they didn't go to school. This was before child labor laws came out. Also kids young as 13 married way back in the days and they were considered adults because humans didn't live long.

Also sometimes people might say that to compare their life to yours and how different theirs is like they might say at age 15 they were already working and by age 16 they had quit school to work more hours to support their child let's say and how they were emancipated. No way would it mean they are saying everyone has to live that way. Some kids are just adults at a younger age because of dysfunctional families they grew up in or because they made a choice to have sex and to keep the baby.

My mom told me how my uncle could balance a check book at age ten so there he was doing the work for her and he found her mistake. He was good with math so he did it for her to help her figure it out. In that context she was telling me how she had troubles with math and my uncle was good at it so there he was ten years old doing something an average ten year old shouldn't even be doing and that just showed how smart he was and how above the grade level he was with his math skills.

I think these stories just show how different everyone is at each age. I have talked about what my daughter is doing my son wasn't doing at her age because it's interesting to see how different each kid is with their development and how different their personalities are.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Lukeda420
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,640
Location: Chicago suburbs.

19 Feb 2016, 2:38 pm

886 wrote:
I hate the ones that nitpick at my age or gender, and I mean the real frivolous and silly ones, such as hey, I'm a 26 year old man and I hate bacon (true story) you're not a real man hurr durr.


Same here. Never did like bacon. I don't understand why bacon is supposed to be so "manly" anyway.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

19 Feb 2016, 2:55 pm

I'd like to study what I didn't in my late teens and early twenties, but nothing will change the fact that it'd be worthless and disgracefully wasteful now.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,664
Location: SLC, Utah

20 Feb 2016, 5:07 am

Lukeda420 wrote:
886 wrote:
I hate the ones that nitpick at my age or gender, and I mean the real frivolous and silly ones, such as hey, I'm a 26 year old man and I hate bacon (true story) you're not a real man hurr durr.


Same here. Never did like bacon. I don't understand why bacon is supposed to be so "manly" anyway.


I don't know.. it's just a running joke, it's like the country nerds who hate ford and the hipsters who hate starbucks. It's all ridiculous to me.


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

21 Feb 2016, 2:49 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
small child paper cut perhaps while in the bathroom comes out ok no problem. fwd 30 year old adult woman does it (came out in bra/underwear) to show dad the blood see paper cut (on my finger from shaving) yet social rule "age rule" it's inappropriate etc. Not thinking that when it happen s**t! then blood then decided to show him I was "completely naked IMO I don't consider underwear/bra as "naked" my physical definition DUH! LAWS you wouldn't walk OUT OF YOUR HOME LIKE THAT! But out of the bathroom hey look to your dad but social age rule and social woman adult rule. Get called a wimp and mom said Oh he doesn't even see her in her underwear and bra!

Now I sort of feel stupid 30 and don't understand social rules or social age rules. :-(

I HATE SOCIAL AGE RULES I'M f*****g 30 YES BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I FOLLOW YOUR AGE RULES DAMN IT! OR YET ALONE BASIC SOCIAL RULES!

:-(


Not walking around in your underwear in front of someone else at 30 isn't exactly a social rule like don't play with Barbies or don't watch the Tellietubbies or Barney or don't pick your nose in public etc. It's more of a privacy and safety issue. At 30 you are physically sexually mature even if you aren't sexually active or interested in sex. Because of the connotations of walking around in your underwear as a grown woman it's pretty much expected that you only do that in front of your significant other, your doctor or other medical person, or a close friend or relative of the same sex.

It makes others uncomfortable for an adult woman to be walking around like that, and it also is not respecting your own privacy nor is it respecting the other person's preferences to not see someone else in their underwear like that.

Of course this rule may not apply to all situations and people. If your family is a very casual and laid back one and adults frequently walk around like that then its fine to do that at home around family. My family is like that. I had four kids, three of which were each 18 months apart so I had to keep an eye on them all the time and they would always follow me around. I rarely got bathroom privacy and to this day I don't lock the bathroom.door when I go. I also will walk through the house in a bra and panties when I'm in the middle of getting dressed and nobody thinks twice about it. However I'd never do it in front of someone else. That part is a safety and privacy rule and not something you should just shrug off.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

21 Feb 2016, 4:16 am

If someone doesn't like seeing you in your underwear at your home, they have no business being there in the first place.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


Jensen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,022
Location: Denmark

21 Feb 2016, 7:04 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
Yes, especially if they're also gender related.

This - AND because their aim seems to be the strengthening of an overpowering super ego and a fixation of people in predictable formal patterns of behavior = straight-jacket = non-life. :ninja:


_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven