Mother thinks I'm "fine"

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I've come to the conclusion that my mother thinks having aspergers is something benign. She doesn't realize, or doesn't want to acknowledge, that I struggle every day with many of the problems many of us deal with, including poor self esteem, isolation, alienation, anxiety, and obsession. I'm speaking about 1 1/2 years after my diagnosis, and don't know whether I should tell her she needs to make accommodations with me, because I don't think it will make a difference.

It took my mom a long time to begin to understand as well. I sent her lots of articles and youtube videos to help her understand what Autism is and how it affects me. That really helped. Now she makes efforts to really be understanding and supportive. She still has a long way to go but she is coming along. It might help to ask your mom to read articles and look at videos and even come here to WP to learn. If she is willing, that might make a difference.

Yes to this^ And sometimes it is more difficult for them if they are very close to you like a mom and child situation. Sometimes it helps them learn if they learn it from strangers or people with which they do not have an emotional attachment or history. She thinks she knows you because she raised you. The relationship might be too close for her to learn directly from you right now. Having her learn from people she has does not know and has no connection with will enable her to learn better.

Personally, I interpret what your mother said as:

"I love you just the way you are. You are a fine and decent person. There's nothing 'defective' about you."

I agree with what the other posters have said.

From what I have noticed, your age group (late teens to early twenties) is where adult aspies seem to have the worst bump in the road. This isn't true for everyone- it's just a generalization. You don't have the same structured systems in place and you have to figure out how to deal with employment, friendships, romance, and daily living on your own. How do you want these things to be and how do you make it happen for yourself, you know? It's not easy. Not for anyone, but it's harder if you're a social minority such as a person on the autism spectrum.

If your mom is neurotypical, she could be seeing this time in your life as exciting and the best years you will ever have. Some great things may indeed happen to you in the next few years, but it may not be the kind of experience that you will always look back on fondly and wish you could do again. Your life will probably get better each day from here, incrementally, not be a roller coaster. *I* think that's a better overall life, but it can be a little difficult for some people to understand.

So although I agree that she's probably just trying to be positive and supportive, I think it's really important for her to understand where you're coming from.

The next time I get angry with her, which invariably results from a misunderstanding of Aspergers, I'm going to have a talk with her about it.

You should not cut yourself any slack, and others should not treat you any different.

Regarding your mother, well, I'm a man so I can only speculate, but I think it would be hard for a woman to accept that what came out of her womb is sick and diseased. So denial is to be expected.

It's ridiculous to say that somebody with Aspergers is sick and diseased.

As compared with other disorders, Aspergers is usually relatively benign

Not everyone with Asperger's kills his/herself.
Not everyone with Asperger's feels "sick and diseased".
Et cetera.

It's also literally not a disease and people with Asperger's aren't "sick" for having it.

Your perception of Asperger's doesn't extend to everyone else.

...which brings up an interesting consideration: if the OP's mom is also on the spectrum but at a much lower intensity / higher functioning, she may indeed experience the difficulties but to such a slight degree that she doesn't see what the problem is. It's hard to convince someone that what they experience is not an objective truth but rather, a subjective one.

It's also possible that she is also on the spectrum but like my mom (and myself, to a lesser degree) was raised in an era when admitting, much less expressing weaknesses or flaws was to be avoided at all costs. Even the cost of one's emotional health. Such people can often appear NT until they snap (or commit suicide or become alcoholics or other unhealthy "coping" mechanisms), due to repression, depersonalization and other defenses. Which indicates forcing autistics to be "normal" causes trauma, but that's a whole 'nother topic...

Anyway, just two other possibilities which would indicate different strategies for educating Mom.

I feel that Aspergers significantly affects my life. I feel that I need some sort of understanding from those who I interact with on a regular basis and who I experience conflict with. I can't modify my behavior beyond a certain point to fit the expectations of others. Lately, I have been having much difficulty dealing with my mother, which could be possibly be alleviated by talking to her about what it means to have Aspergers.

Unfortunately, many people contemplate and commit suicide---mostly for reasons other than the suffering which people with Asperger's go through.

I had a girlfriend who wasn't Aspergian at all--but she committed suicide.

Please....don't think I believe that Aspergians don't suffer--they certainly do. Especially when co-morbids rear their ugly head (whether related to the Asperger's or not related to the Asperger's.

I just don't believe, for the most part, that Asperger's, on its face, is a particularly malignant disorder--like Bipolar alone could be. Of course, Asperger's combined with Bipolar Disorder is not particularly benign.