When is it my turn to speak?

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I've had this issue as long as i can remember, but every time i go to speak in a conversation, the other person speaks over me and carries on, or i start talking and they comment on how i just rudely interrupted them,even though i thought it was my turn, i can't seem to get a hang of it, always interrupting people or just getting ignored. its worse on the phone, i end up talking at the same time as them, or even not at all, waiting for them to take the lead (which is awkward).

so.... how does a person know when its their turn to talk? everyone i know seems to do it perfectly so clearly theres something ive missed.

I have this problem as well, exactly as you describe. Hope somebody has an answer.

Here's my algorithms for handling this based on intent scrutinization of the subject and lots of trial and error. No idea if any of it is accurate or useful, but it seems to work for me a good chunk of the time.

* If you have an idea you want to express, make small "almost talking" noises to indicate that you want to speak. Often times, this will cause them to stop after expressing an idea of their own and give you room to express an idea. They'll signal this either through silence or through explicit indications of you being allowed to talk. However, if you do this too often, I think it makes people uncomfortable, so there's some threshold to it where you shouldn't do it too often. Haven't quite figured out where that threshold is yet.

* If a person asks a question, it is now your chance to answer it.

* If a person makes a statement, there is usually a place just after the statement, where the period would typically go, where they will wait for a brief period. I think this is where people are supposed to then make supporting statements and such. Finding this gap is tricky, and if you don't jump in during that gap, people will move on assuming you have nothing to say. If you jump in too early, though, you are seen as stepping on people's thoughts.

* I've found that waiting can work with some people... If they're really good at conversation and are sufficiently empathic, they will invite you to share your thoughts, ideas, and feelings, without you having to prompt them. Just sit back, let them express their thoughts, and eventually, they may ask you "What do you think?" or "What are your thoughts on that?"

* A book I read on small talk in high school told me that the objective of conversations is to try to get the other person to talk about themself as much as possible. Give them as much space to talk about their thoughts as you can, and if they're competent/good conversationalists, they'll try to do the same for you.

* When all else fails, if I can't find clear spaces to speak, I'll interrupt and explicitly ask if I can share my thoughts.

The thing that gets me is when it is okay to change topics, or noticing when other people have changed topics. That gets so confusing for me. I haven't figured this one out yet.

Dunno if any of this is helpful. It's just some of the rules I've put together over the years based on reading up on how to do small talk and stuff like that.

I imagine doing all of what paradox_puree said.
I struggle with this myself.Especially in person when I don't recognize body language that indicates they are gonna continue to speak or tone of voice.
I find it easier to talk on the phone because people in my experience only want to talk about themselves and it's hard to speak your opinion.But that's only in my experience.
It varies between each and every human you know.

That's a big part of the reason I stick to one-on-one. The more people there are in a group, the harder it becomes to get a speaking part. For some reason I can't do this interrupting thing, I can't speak up or use anything but a soft, civilised voice unless it's a matter of life and death. So even with one-on-one I stick to soft-voiced people who leave gaps, and I have to follow the famous adage "avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are a vexation to the spirit." With groups, I've psyched myself up to jumping in during one of those tiny, infrequent gaps, but it doesn't seem to be a skill I can learn, I very quickly revert to type. And the subject matter moves on too fast for me to keep up, so by the time there is a gap, my contribution is out of date. I've tried that old Carnegie thing of getting the other person to talk about themselves, it's no doubt very powerful, but it's also rather a magnet for self-interested people - it's said that a bore is somebody who talks about themselves when you want to talk about yourself. And sadly, once I get to speak, it's often very hard for me to stop too. Wouldn't be so bad if I knew how to gently get rid of people. Good topic, it's reminded me of all the good reasons why I became rather reclusive.

Yeah, I have that same problem and I will definitely try to use some of the advice in this thread. Almost every time that I am in a conversation with more then one other person I end up being left out because I don't know how to join in without interrupting.

I dont even have a clue i just talk whenever the lerson im talking to stops talking. But they always carry on and never stop.

Wow, so many of the comments here are just almost word for word what I was thinking.
I think what doesn't help in my case is that my fiancée comes from a large, loud Irish family where interrupting is almost mandatory, whether as I'm an only child from a quiet, polite English family haha!
It is a regular point of contention between us actually that she says I interrupt her before she's finished her sentence or what she's saying - I'd never made the connection before that that could be another aspergers thing for me. Guess what forum post I'll be discussing with her in the morning haha!

I find "speaking in turn" relies more on popularity and acceptance than protocol.

People who others want to listen to can blather on about how they had burnt toast for breakfast, but if you want to comment on how you just found a cure for HIV, everyone responds with a "oh, that's nice" and resumes talking about burnt toast for breakfast.

At least, that's how it feels to me.