Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

thatcondowasmylife
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 14 Oct 2016
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

14 Oct 2016, 1:27 pm

Hi,

I'm a 28 year old female who suspects I might be on the spectrum. I have recognized this as a possibility for about 12 years now and have thought about it but I've avoiding identifying because it seems... unfair. I'm pretty high functioning and I don't want to be a person who just jumps into claiming a psychological or developmental disorder because they think it excuses their behavior.

I want to begin by saying that while I have read a little bit about autism and (formerly) Asperger's, I am not well-versed and I purposely did not re-review symptom lists for high functioning individuals before writing this because I didn't want to convince myself that I have certain symptoms and start looking for things in myself to fit into a definition better. So what I have chosen to write about comes from my memory in studying autism in school (I work in mental health, have a BS in Psychology) and popular media like TIME magazine, etc. I apologize to begin with if I am getting any of this wrong or basing my assessment in stereotypes.

1. When I was a child I was exceptionally sensitive to stimuli on my skin, particularly in regards to clothing, to the point of what a parent might describe as temper tantrums or meltdowns and what I would describe as full blown panic attacks over the threads in my socks and the un-smooth layering of clothing. I eventually worked my way out of most of this by about age 7 when I remember I started being able to wear sweatshirts with shirts underneath. But I still continued to be very particular about materials. I also reacted negatively to loud noises (more than other kids).

2. I used to be shy in new environments to where I would cry and refuse to go places if I felt like I didn't belong and other people would know it (still something that pops up now) including places I went to every summer like the swimming pool, because I thought no one would remember me and would see me as an outsider who shouldn't be there. However, I wasn't chronically shy. Once I grew comfortable I was fairly talkative and I loved interacting with kids who were also uncomfortable, because then I didn't feel a power disparity.

3. I developed OCD (undiagnosed) at a young age that I tried desperately to fix on my own, but over the years I also developed compulsive skin picking, trichotillomania, and an eating disorder. All of them I would describe as moderate to mild. I eventually realized I was dealing with ongoing, chronic anxiety that was unrelated to the social anxiety I also had.

4. I did and still do have a very, very hard time understanding that people behave one way in some environments and another way in others and do so easily with little thought. I regularly say things that aren't socially acceptable for that particular environment because I can't always understand that it's not ok in some places. I hate how people say awful s**t behind closed doors and then lie or deny to cover it up. That inconsistency is infuriating and also sad to me.

5. I can push people's buttons in ways I don't realize are causing harm because it seems to me people are pushing buttons all the time. What bothers me doesn't seem to bother a lot of other people and the expectation I continually encounter is that I need to get over that, when the reverse doesn't seem to hold true.

6. I tend to be a very logical person. Not in that I'm always right, but that I think of things in concrete logical forms. When most other children were accepting what they were told even if what they were told didn't make sense, I would immediately notice the logical flaws and push against them hard. I could not comprehend anything that hit a logical dead end to which others would shrug their shoulders.

7. I've been described as both cold and uptight/high strung. As in, it took me years and years to understand why people were upset about some s**t (blunt statements) but other people were not accepting of what made me upset (pushing me about my belief systems just for fun until I got angry). Maybe some of that was just teenagers being teenagers, as it's mostly worn off, but I'm still more robotic than others and more emotional about people getting into my personal space than others are.

8. I don't like to be touched. Not all the time, not in every circumstance you can imagine, but in most of them. For example, a massage is something I enjoy. It has it's purpose and I will engage with it. A hug by an acquaintance? No thank you. Being touched when I'm irritated is so overwhelmingly awful I can't fully describe it. A comforting pat on the arm? I don't get it. I'd prefer to nod and shake hands with almost everyone I interact with.

9. I prefer interactions when they are in strict social confines, like at work when I have specific boundaries because I work in a treatment facility. Clients are not allowed to touch me. Period. I can refuse to tell them personal information and there's no haggling about what is polite and what isn't, it's just boundaries. I live for this. The less ambiguity, the better.

There's more, of course, but considering all that, is autism a possibility? Or am I just an anxious person who's not the best socially? If autism is a possibility, how do y'all feel about self-diagnoses? Is it appropriate to identify as such? Is there any benefit to it?



mistersprinkles
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Feb 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Toronto Canada

14 Oct 2016, 1:38 pm

I'm autistic and I check all of those boxes too. You are almost definitely on the spectrum.



thatcondowasmylife
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 14 Oct 2016
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

14 Oct 2016, 2:07 pm

mistersprinkles wrote:
I'm autistic and I check all of those boxes too. You are almost definitely on the spectrum.


Thanks for the reply! In your opinion, is there somewhere I should go from here or just... acknowledge it as a part of me and keep on keeping on?



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 38,103
Location: Long Island, New York

14 Oct 2016, 2:10 pm

You have a lot autistic traits

Self diagnosis of autism is a very controversal subject.
While I favor it under certain situatuions I do think a person doing it needs to have much greater understanding of autism then can be be gathered from the popular media. People with other conditions such as OCD and ADHD share many traits with Autistics.

Linked below is an 18 part series by the blogger Musings of An Aspie about realizing one is autistic. It starts from the beginning a point you are probably past and takes you all the way through. Self disgnosis and proffessional diagnosis are discussed.

Adult Diagnosis

Do not let the haters and the doubters which you will run into get to you. This process about what is best for you, not them. Self doubt and questioning asumptions are good, too much is toxic and paralyzing.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


StarTrekker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant

14 Oct 2016, 2:48 pm

You definitely sound autistic to me. Whether or not to get professionally evaluated is a personal decision, and each option has merits and disadvantages.

Self-diagnosis is free, and doesn't go on your permanent record if you ever decide you want to join a government agency like the police or military, however, it doesn't get you services at work or school, and for me personally (this may not apply to you) I always had a frustrating nagging voice in the back of my head doubting at every turn. I couldn't rest easy until I knew for certain one way or the other.

On the other hand, a professional diagnosis can put your mind at rest and clarify a lot that was and is confusing about your behaviour and experiences. You can use it to get help at school or work (or even finding work; I got my current job through my local department of vocational rehab, which I wouldn't have had access to without my disability diagnosis), and you can get on SSI or SSDI (assuming you're in the US) if you decide you're not cut out for work or school. The down side is that it's quite expensive, anywhere from $500-$2,000, and it can be difficult to find a doctor who specializes in diagnosing adults.

Personally, I think it's worth the effort to be properly diagnosed, especially when you're still so young with a lot of life and potential challenges ahead of you. Like I said though, it's a personal decision that only you can make once you've weighed all the options. I accept self-diagnosis as valid, assuming the time and research have been put in, however there are some out there who are less than inclined to accept you as a "real" autistic without the paper to prove it.


_________________
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!


EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,828
Location: Twin Peaks

14 Oct 2016, 5:10 pm

I would say at the least you can definitely identify with those who have autism. I think if you are experiencing knowing something is wrong with you or different about you but you don't know what, it helps to have an idea of what it might be. To know for sure you have to see a specialist. If 'I think so' and 'it sure sounds like it' is good enough for you, then I don't see any reason to go further than self diagnosis.



mistersprinkles
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Feb 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Toronto Canada

14 Oct 2016, 7:07 pm

thatcondowasmylife wrote:
mistersprinkles wrote:
I'm autistic and I check all of those boxes too. You are almost definitely on the spectrum.


Thanks for the reply! In your opinion, is there somewhere I should go from here or just... acknowledge it as a part of me and keep on keeping on?


That depends on whether you consider it an impediment to your quality of life.

I am much better since being put on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. You might be too. If you dont have coverage though, these drugs are pricey.

I don't know what else to tell you.
We are here for you.