My Future Life

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Hello, i am 24 years old. As you know i have never had a girlfriend before but this is about my future life.

I can't cook, i can only use the microwave, I seem to get the simple things wrong. I get confused about how bills are payed, how i could by my own house/rent somewhere. How i can get internet for my new place, how i get a job. How jobs/bosses pay you.

I don't know if i even clean myself properly or correctly and its really getting me down. How could i ever find a girlfriend and maybe become a father in the future if i can't do these simple things. I feel like a child sometimes, what steps could i take

My mom had taught me to cook as a kid but my planning ability was bad. Watching Rachel Ray's Thirty Minute Meals helped me not make a mess and get the food done sorta around the same time. The show let me watch the steps in almost real time so I could see what I'd been doing wrong. I kept watching cooking shows and now I'm able to cook pretty well while keeping the mess to a minimum.

As for bills and financial stuff I still need a lot of help with that too, and I'm in my 40's. If you can get someone to help you set up a sorta kit for everything that might help or at least fix up a folder of info to tell you each step so you will always be able to refer to it. If forgetting is a problem you might set alarms on your phone to remind you to pay a bill.

As for cleaning yourself properly, that is a tough one. My mom was some help with that but I was rather slow learning proper grooming. It took me forever to learn to trim my nails regularly and keep them clean. Do you have a relative you trust enough to ask about your hygiene and grooming? Or a therapist?? And check a bit online, there must be some sites with grooming tips for men.

Hope something I wrote is useful. If you find any better ideas about bills and banking, ect... post them, please. I am still always looking for good ideas.

Hey cricketman, Your not alone here.

I am in the same boat you are. I hope it gets better.

I am the same, and I'm married and have a child.

I struggle with a lot of the practical stuff. Fortunately, I met my husband when I was at university and easing into adult life.

I can cook, but I struggle with big projects that include a lot of timings, so I avoid those. I'm excellent at budgeting (it's a special interest) and managing my finances, and I can pay bills by Direct Debit, but if that wasn't available I'd struggle. I've had jobs, so that's not a concern - I apply, I go through the interview, I turn up on the day they tell me and the rest they walk me through. Easier than it sounds.

I have never looked after household things - utilities, rent and dealing with the landlord, internet or any of that. It's all be done for me and I wouldn't know where to start. If I had to move house, I would not have a clue how to even get started.

So, as someone else mentioned, a pack is a good idea. My husband is in the process (though it's taken months) of putting together a step-by-step pack that explains these things clearly, so that if anything happened to him (he died, or left me) I would be able to keep the house running.

There are nurturing women out there who are willing to partner with someone with significant needs. Finding that person is the trick, but I know they exist. I have seen many men with various significant disabilities who have wives. I'm significant needs myself so these things cross my mind. A step might be looking into a matchmaking service that has an outstanding reputation.

I think I can say that I know how you feel; I was pretty much the same before I moved out of my parents' place. Aside from knowing how to pay bills and prepare very simple meals, I had to learn pretty much everything more or less at once. However, I lived the first year and half together with a relative who knew about my problems (on a theoretical level), so I got help easily when I needed it and my parents only lived a half an hour drive away. I count it as living on my own since I paid half of the rent, water bills etc, cleaned the place when it was my turn, bought and made my own food and so on, but my relative had to teach me most of the things while we lived together. I thought it'd all be really hard, and while I still struggle with some things most people do naturally, living on my own wasn't as hard as I thought.

Of course, I don't know what kind of situation you are in in your life right now and it might turn out that you are very different from me, but my point is that it all might turn out to be easier than you think when you actually end up in a situation where you have to do it. And if you don't understand something you can always ask people. They might think you're somehow ret*d if you ask about something they see as simple, but I think that's something that happens to most of us. It's not something you need to be too ashamed or worried about.

My mother taught me how to cook and I even ended up as a chef for a while when I was in my late teens.

I'd recommend starting simple. Learn how to boil an egg and make toast. I know that sounds almost too easy but it involves checking the freshness of produce (check the date on the egg or try the bowl of water test), timing (5 minutes for a runny yolk), seasoning (a little salt and pepper and butter on the toast), knife work (slice that toast into soldiers), cooking two things at once (the egg and the toast) and trying to get them ready at the same time. Another plus for egg and toast is that it's very cheap if you keep getting it wrong Then move on to other egg-based dishes: try scrambled egg, then poached egg and finally an omelette (omelettes teach you how to be creative with your cooking and which ingredients work well with other ingredients). Once you've got your eggs sorted you know a fair few techniques (frying, poaching, boiling, simmering) and can move on to more complex dishes.

You'll know you can really cook when you can prepare a perfectly timed English roast dinner with meat, roast potatoes, two types of vegetables, Yorkshire pudding and proper gravy

Also, use a notepad or whiteboard to remind you of timings (when to take something out of the oven, when to start different parts of the meal) and get a student cookbook (the recipes are usually simple and cheap). I'd stay away from TV cooking programmes as they can make it all look very complex when it really isn't.

As for bills? Yuck! No one likes them or paying them. Direct Debits are a life saver and stop you worrying about when to pay something. Just make sure you have money in the bank when they're due else the bank will charge you. If you have a job or other type of income, I'd recommend setting the direct debits to come out a few days after the date when you normally get paid. So I get paid on the last day of the month and my direct debits are set to run on the 3rd of the month.

Cleaning yourself. Follow the same procedure every day and try and make it a habit. I'm really bad about shaving (every two weeks or when my wife nags me) and cutting toenails (I can't see them, therefore they don't exist!).

Good luck!

I recommend getting a daily planner. They cost about 20 bucks for a good one where you can write several things in every day. I used one when I was very busy in grad school. But it's also good when you're feeling confused or lack motivation.

For the lady situation, you should work on the other stuff you mentioned and then the right lady will come your way. Of course you'll have to be a little proactive, but you'll have the confidence for that once you've gotten a good routine with the other stuff.

Figure out how often you need to shower, shave, cut your nails, etc. and schedule those things. I agree that it's helpful to ask a mom, but you can also look these things up online. If some things feel unpleasant, you could find ways around the unpleasant parts. Like, if you don't like shaving, you could grow a beard and keep it nicely trimmed. If showering is hard, you could take a bird bath most days and just take a full bath or shower every two days or so, and only when you're emotionally prepared.

I would not worry too much about not being able to cook. If it really bothers you, I like that suggestion of learning to boil an egg and make toast. Once you've mastered that you can learn something else.

But every single thing you need to do you should write in the planner. If you can't bear to do something, cross it out and write it on the next day.

Bills are great for putting on a planner. And if you can do an online/automatic billpay, that works great.

An alternate to the planner is to use the calendar on your phone. They usually have alarm reminders to tell you to do certain things.