Is it other people's fault for not wanting to be friends ?

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I know it sounds quite harsh but I seem to think its other people's loss or fault that they didn't that they didn't want to befriend and hang out with me at school, college and uni or invite me to gatherings or parties. I don't if that's because they didn't know me too well or left me alone because they didn't see me as their type to hang out with and that they could tell I maybe was different to them and thought it would make me uncomfortable if they talked to me. I seem to think more social now than I was in my late teens and feel quite annoyed with myself for not having the social skills I have now back then and that maybe I would have had a more social life and be hanging out but I probably would still not have gone to a nightclub though.

I think that you would be better off to thoroughly examine the single most common feature in your situation.

How could it be other people's fault when there's only one common element?

The subject matter is too complex to simply answer yes or no as to what is responsible for your situation, I wouldn't even frame it like that to be honest, in terms of fault and responsibility.

There may have been a cultural or mental mismatch. I guess you can either try to change yourself to fit in with those kinds of people or find people more like you. IMO if a relationship of any kind is high maintenance, where you're always feeling like you have prove yourself to the other person, its not worth it.

You’re not missing anything NOT going to nightclubs.

College shenanigans is not something that one should “miss,” either. It’s just juvenile, sophomoric “fun.”

No use thinking about the past. Think how “social” you’ve gotten recently, and take advantage of that. You will succeed more if you don’t allow past regrets to influence your future.

Here are some of the reasons why people struggle to have close reciprocal relationships with friends:

• COMMUNICATION STYLE: Do you respond to your friends' overtures as well as initiate contact?  Are you available online or by phone, depending on your friend's preferred mode of communication?

• DISABILITIES: Unfortunately, because of stigma, people shun individuals with mental or physical disabilities.

• INSECURITY: Do you feel like you can't measure up to the people you want as friends?  Are you able to trust other people?  These may be barriers that create distance between you and others.

• LACK OF EXPERIENCE: Regardless of age, some people lack the skills needed to make and maintain friendships.  Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend?

• PERSONALITY: Is there something about you that others find grating?  Are you needy?  Too pushy?  Too talkative?  Too controlling?  Are you fiercely independent -- wanting to call all the shots regarding what, when and where?  Sometimes, there is something off-putting about a person's behavior and that individual lacks awareness of the problem.

• PREFERENCE: Are you introverted?  When push comes to shove, do you prefer being alone rather than spending time with friends?  Do you think people know this when they're around you?  Or, are you extraordinarily social -- so preoccupied with making lots of acquaintances that you lose out on making close friendships?

• PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES: Do you have a history of difficulty establishing intimate relationships with others?  Are you uncomfortable with people knowing the real you?

• SITUATIONAL OBSTACLES: Do you live in an area where it is particularly difficult to connect with others?  This might include living someplace rural where there are few people or, because of a history of frequent moves, being someplace where you feel like an outsider.

• TEMPERAMENT: Are you shy and uncomfortable around others?  This can make the people around you feel uncomfortable too.

• TIME MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS: Do you have a hard time juggling all the responsibilities and demands placed on you?  Do you consider making time for friends selfish or frivolous?

• UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Have you led your friends to believe that you will always do the organizing?  Do you have an unrealistic, romanticized notion of friendship?  Do you expect all friendships to be perfect and last forever?

Source:  This Psychology Today Article 

It's not "their fault" that they don't want to be friends with you.

But it might not be your fault, either.

There are times when it's just "not in the cards." Same with romance.

I would seek to hang out with people who have similar interests as you.

I don't think it's "wrong" to not want to be friends with someone (even if it's not nice), therefore they're not acting in a faulty way.

Over my life, I have had a lot of short term friendships with quiet a few different types of people.
I have one or two who are constants, who I are my real genuine long term friends, which I include my parents in.

Now my communication skills aren't so bad that it is really hard to communicate with me,
although there are aspects of my rigid psychological make up and what I expect in peoples behaviour that determines why I fall out with some, and often over the years, it is I who choose to fall out with certain individuals because I do not like their behaviour rather than being rejected.

I was brought up with strong morals, and am fairly rigid with regards to what I consider acceptable.
In some ways to me its like keeping a moral code, as the Samurai do, religious folk do, and as the fictional star wars caste call the Mandolorian's do things, "it is the way". (with the Mandolorian's I guess being based on Samurai code).

My parents brought me up with kind honest Christian values, which i like.

When I was around people who were getting involve in petty criminal behaviour, such as stealing, blackmail, bullying etc. I rejected it, and distanced my self from these people.

I do not see myself as above these people. It simply feels wrong to me.
The people who I hold long term friendships with generally have the same value set as I do.

Apart from on a couple of occasions where people have pretended to be decent, honest, but it was all just an elaborate act which they portrayed themselves as righteous people, while they did disgusting things in covert.

What is interesting, is that although the moral code I follow rigidly is greatly inline with Christianity and Buddhism,
I can neither say that i am either a Christian or Buddhist.

Perhaps Chris should consider the moral values that he lives to, and consider his world view and
try and look for people who are compatible with these values. That's if Chris is rigid in his behaviours and thinking.

It's not anybody's fault, but those people are missing out on a lot, because you're a great person.

Plenty of truly innocent people said, "I'm innocent!" Not a single person in the lynch mob agreed, so strung up they were. I can't get behind this "If everyone else says you're wrong, then YOU are the common denominator and must be the problem" belief.

The difference is this isn't describing a mob situation where mass hysteria (and/or racial prejudices) overwhelms individual judgment. Being less likeable doesn't make someone a bad person but it does make socializing and making friends harder. I know this from experience.

Because when you have tried every method known to man to try and communicate with them, help them, care for them and love them and they still won't listen to you...

There is nothing you can do but let them carry on and keep to yourself. It's no good blaming the self, after all you have tried your heart out every way you know how in the hopes they will understand and accept you and no matter what you do it is never enough. You can only do so much and you cannot be what you are not. They expect you to be exactly like them and anything different to them is apparently defective or wrong.

Have you considered that human kind is not as compassionate as it likes to think it is and that is a judgemental, ego dominated species hell bent on shunning any kind of difference it comes across?

While it is true that humanity generally lacks compassion for others who are not one of their own "tribe", it is equally true that social desperation -- e.g., "trying your heart out every way you know how in the hopes they will understand and accept you and no matter what you do" -- will also drive people away.

Yep...I used to be earnest like that----it got me nowhere.

Now, I'm a court jester.....

Not everyone is equally likeable and no one is obliged to act fond of someone they're not. Blaming humanity because so far the parts of humanity one has interacted with didn't become fond of them isn't going to improve things.

Being resentful over past social rejection can't possibly lead to improved outcomes in the future. And as Fnord says, neither will being desperate.