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Belushi87
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02 Feb 2018, 7:23 am

every once in a while, i'll go hang out at a coffee shop with a book or my laptop. its a way to get out of the house for a couple hours and "socialize", but i always wanted to have the urge to meet people and make new friends, especially when it comes to guys, i've been wanting to work on approaching guys and try to talk to them, but i know i have to start small and just talk to anyone to work up the nerve to talk to guys, but i always find that almost everyone goes to coffee shops to meet up with friends or to cram for a exam and i don't want to disturb them while their trying to studying.

what is the easiest way to approach someone in a public setting without coming off weird?



Benjamin the Donkey
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02 Feb 2018, 8:47 am

I met my wife at one of these places. Of course, she was working there, so she had no choice but to talk to me.


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02 Feb 2018, 9:29 am

Well I don't know... in my culture it would be seen as weird if someone just suddenly goes up to a stranger in a coffee shop or other place like that. The only exception to the rule seems to be places where you can assume most people have similiar hobbies or interests. It's more acceptable to talk to strangers in these places... then again, that's just here. Someone from different culture than me, from one where it's socially acceptable to just start talking to a stranger, can probably give more advice.



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02 Feb 2018, 9:37 am

In the US, it’s seen as weird/creepy for men to start talking to lone women in coffee shops. People did that more often in the 70s and 80s than they do now.

It’s actually better to start a conversation on public transport—though that’s not so great, either.



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04 Feb 2018, 7:48 am

If you are trying to meet people, it might be best to expect to say "Hi" a hundred times to get one conversation going. I don't like ulterior motives, but I might try "Excuse me, but I'm thinking of getting [what you have] and wonder where you got it, if you like it, etc." If they look hurried, don't bother.
I once travelled all day to attend a wedding, just to visit with two other guests. They had both given up on finding a partner, but they met in a book store. A comment on a book the other was choosing turned into hours of conversation, and changed their lives.
BTW, my last and best GF was a woman I met doing handyman work. She needed a major wall repair where the sun would really highlight any errors, but she lived on a main road, so I just dropped in several times to add mud and check the results. She started to think I might be interested in her, not the job. Then, we both went to an event at the HS gym. I had to be there, or I would have stayed home sick. She would have climbed the bleachers, except for a bad knee. So, we wound up sitting together.



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04 Feb 2018, 2:25 pm

Yep...you usually have to have a “reason” to talk to someone in the street.



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05 Feb 2018, 11:17 pm

It would be a lot easier if there weren't judgements, social expectations, ulterior rules, anxiety, the conversation itself to worry about. I hope Canada is more relaxed about such things.



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05 Feb 2018, 11:31 pm

Exuvian wrote:
It would be a lot easier if there weren't judgements, social expectations, ulterior rules, anxiety, the conversation itself to worry about. I hope Canada is more relaxed about such things.


The people I have met in Canada were from shared housing or work in the majority of cases. Some were friends of friends. Some were in common interest groups. Two were meeting the public professionally, enough to connect. I think that I am at least twice as likely to make some comment to a stranger in a store as average, especially if it is funny, but I have never made a friend of a stranger without some other link. However, I don't drink coffee or beer, so I may have missed some opportunities.



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05 Feb 2018, 11:34 pm

Plan it out. Go random times until you find a target. Make small talk waiting in line (decor, menu choices, weather, current events, how friendly people seem, etc.). If you like the results, go regularly at the same time as you met your target. Hopefully friendship happens. This works at most venues, including the gym. This is only creepy if you keep trying after being rebuffed.


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Exuvian
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06 Feb 2018, 12:12 am

Mudboy wrote:
Plan it out. Go random times until you find a target. Make small talk waiting in line (decor, menu choices, weather, current events, how friendly people seem, etc.). If you like the results, go regularly at the same time as you met your target. Hopefully friendship happens. This works at most venues, including the gym. This is only creepy if you keep trying after being rebuffed.

Or if you accidentally refer to them as "target" out loud. :shrug:



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06 Feb 2018, 12:20 am

i never go to coffee shops because i just make it at home.



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06 Feb 2018, 12:58 am

Generally, I don't think you can just go up and talk to someone you haven't met sitting at a coffee shop. If you're going to do that, you pretty much have to know that person at least a little bit already.

However, when waiting in line for your coffee (or whatever you're drinking), it's pretty much free for all. In that circumstance, the topic to start with will be something like how slow the line is moving, or maybe the weather.


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b9
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06 Feb 2018, 5:02 am

if i was at a coffee shop in a queue, i would stand hard up behind the people in front of me, and before long they would move aside and i would move to the front and then tell the coffee person "you scamming mongrel" and then walk out.

if someone says hello, then a short spritz of pepper spray will shut them up.



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06 Feb 2018, 5:12 am

Exuvian wrote:
Mudboy wrote:
Plan it out. Go random times until you find a target. Make small talk waiting in line (decor, menu choices, weather, current events, how friendly people seem, etc.). If you like the results, go regularly at the same time as you met your target. Hopefully friendship happens. This works at most venues, including the gym. This is only creepy if you keep trying after being rebuffed.

Or if you accidentally refer to them as "target" out loud. :shrug:


Yes... I thought that.
Target=predatory
Predatory= creepy


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06 Feb 2018, 5:38 am

Belushi87 wrote:
every once in a while, i'll go hang out at a coffee shop with a book or my laptop. its a way to get out of the house for a couple hours and "socialize", but i always wanted to have the urge to meet people and make new friends, especially when it comes to guys, i've been wanting to work on approaching guys and try to talk to them, but i know i have to start small and just talk to anyone to work up the nerve to talk to guys, but i always find that almost everyone goes to coffee shops to meet up with friends or to cram for a exam and i don't want to disturb them while their trying to studying.

what is the easiest way to approach someone in a public setting without coming off weird?


I don't think most men would mind if a woman tried to strike up a conversation with them, at least in the U.S. I'm not entirely sure about Canada.



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06 Feb 2018, 5:58 am

A woman who had seen me visiting her friends' offices once asked if I'd like to go for coffee. I don't drink it, so I just said "No, thanks." Years later I realized she was probably not just worried that I might be thirsty.