What goes through your head when conversing?

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***What goes through your head when you're trying to have a conversation with someone?

(For me it's physical things like how close I'm standing and how much eye contact they're making so I can match it, but also mental things like trying to figure out if they're bored with the conversation or holding things I want to say in my head and trying to find a point to insert them into the conversation.)


***How does it change for you when you're talking in a group? How does it change when you're talking with a close friend?

(For example, I tune out way more and spend more time daydreaming, but still evaluating my physical position within the circle and such in a group, but with a close friend I forget to constantly evaluate and adjust the interaction).


***And finally... when you are thinking about all these things, are you thinking about them in terms of how the other person is feeling or more about how you are feeling in the conversation?

(I think I split my perspective, 70% how they might potentially be feeling and 30% my own discomfort)

I see images, pictures, short video clips when I talk. I spend so much time translating these images into words that I miss details like what you are pointing out.

Maybe something like being on a limited access highway and seeing the exit getting close so I'm reading the signs anticipating the exit and so focused on that and it makes me unable to just get "lost" in the conversation... like everyone else has an autopilot but I am having to manually pilot.

However, ironically, I feel like I am seeing something the others don't, but I can only suppose that since I can't read their minds. Maybe like being in a "debug mode" in a video game that gives me more actual options but "takes me out of the game" despite still "playing it" like they are. Of course this "debug mode" is probably something personal I developed for myself over the years rather than a universal thing for everyone with this issue. .....

***What goes through your head when you're trying to have a conversation with someone?

The physical 'here' -- the person in front of me, other people's presence, the settings of all it's loudness and brightness, the gravity, most of the clothes' fabric on my skin, and 'Where am I' along where my feet/hands/head/the rest is.
'When' is 'to's -- talk, talk back, and.. 'Am I mishearing or misremembering?'.
.. 'What crap does that thing called again????' As I recall nonverbal references, images or concepts, whatever. And 'Am I phrasing it right???' --otherwise, 'Does this made any sense???' as I recall whatever's relevant to the topic, or if it's relevant.


***How does it change for you when you're talking in a group? How does it change when you're talking with a close friend?

Group? The same as the above, only more chaotic.
With a close friend? Just add 'whatever crap I'm doing' and 'please be fine and don't (hopefully) worry about me'.


***And finally... when you are thinking about all these things, are you thinking about them in terms of how the other person is feeling or more about how you are feeling in the conversation?

Actually, I still feel that it's mostly me doing the accommodating.
I'd be damned if I do, I'd be damned if I don't care about someone else's feeling regardless.

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***What goes through your head when you're trying to have a conversation with someone?

Oh, great....small talk. I've got to put my acting skills to work so that person doesn't find out how I feel about small talk.


***How does it change for you when you're talking in a group? How does it change when you're talking with a close friend?

In a small group I feel like I'm being scrutinized and I hope that people don't miss label me in their minds. When I'm talking with my close friends I feel more relaxed because my friends know me well and they accept me as I am.


***And finally... when you are thinking about all these things, are you thinking about them in terms of how the other person is feeling or more about how you are feeling in the conversation?

It's a 50/50 split for me.

[quote="bluesky11"]***What goes through your head when you're trying to have a conversation with someone?
With a close friend, I'm listening to their stories, and integrating that news into my memories, while trying to keep track of things I'm reminded of that would make a good next paragraph. If I'm with an acquaintance, I try to remember not to offend their sacred cow issues. I might tease the Bible-ridden with a joke that keeps them worried about it being "clean" until the punch line.

***How does it change for you when you're talking in a group? How does it change when you're talking with a close friend?

Talking to a group, I do almost no looking around, just focussing on getting my story straight. If I'm reading, I'll try to make it sound fresh, like the author speaking. In a meeting, I work hard to stay on topic, and after the scheduled end, the only thing I'll say will be in regard to motions to adjourn. If it gets boring, I meditate. Sometimes, through careful listening, I discover something quite valuable to say about some detail. I'm learning that that's the easy part. The trick is to make some big ego think it's their idea, so it won't get ignored.


***And finally... when you are thinking about all these things, are you thinking about them in terms of how the other person is feeling or more about how you are feeling in the conversation?

I might get around to that inventory later. In my family, people with feelings were quarantined until they got over them.

First, I think, “what am I doing here?” It’s like when you WANT to jump from a high trampoline into a pool but are feeling sick and nervous.
Then, I have to remind myself smile the others are smiling. “Do I say something now?”, I’m thinking. Then, when they begin their little chit chats and act childish, I get this feeling of disgust, and I want to get out of there. If I say something, I think, “Was it okay?, they look disturbed their mouth just dropped.” By that time, I’m EXHAUSTED and want to get the hell out of there. Finally, they ask me if I’m okay or ask me a question and laugh and say that I spaced out . I also miss if it’s a joke so I laugh if they all laugh unless it’s directed to me, and then I usually missed the pun ( more corrections). After this, it takes me to recover for at least four days! And months to return to the trampoline...

I feel very fortunate when I have anything to talk about with my normal friends, but feel sad it took so long for me to do anything. I have a long way to go to catch up with them and some things will never be accomplished in the normal way because I am too old now.