I think I finally get social anxiety

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I posted a thread here not too long ago about finding social mishaps embarrassing - that was way too light. I find it terrifying. Conversations are terrifying now. The whole time I anxiously watch to see the slightest indication of danger, that I've taken a wrong turn and I often do. They will make a face or their tone will change and I will have no idea what I did wrong or how to fix it so I just continue and wait till I inevitably fail again. The whole thing becomes this anxious wait for the inevitable slip up.

This is something I've never experienced before and as a result I am finding myself unable to cope and will probably avoid my friends for the next week and stop talking to my peers because it is too much. I can't handle it. Probably self sabotage but I can't think of alternatives. Someone unfollowing me which then lead me to the conclusion that somehow all my classmates secretly hate me triggered this lol.

How do you guys deal with this? I don't want to teach my brain that when times get tough I should withdraw from everyone and destroy all my relationships. As someone on the spectrum I will mess up a lot and I want to be able to use tools to fix it.

To start with there is a natural ebb and flow to social relationships and one should be cautious not to read into the departure of a social connection an exaggerated sense of failure.

You are correct to be concerned that social isolation can have long tern negative effects.

Some attempt masking and even if successful find it draining.

Others usually find that operating a a level of lower social interaction provides a workable buffer for most social situations and only open up more with a select few of long time friends.

Work and school situations might feel like close social situations and lull one to open up more than one should. However, the frequency with which one encounters social failures may indicate that less openness would be called for.

As of late I've taken to studying my social interactions (even while they are unfolding) and trying to rationalize my feelings of anxiety almost as I'm a 3rd party to the event.
So far I've learned a lot by this new perspective and it almost makes these interactions a little fun.

I'm reading a book (Confidence Gap) that suggests distancing oneself from thoughts. I'm not in the habit yet of using the book's techniques but I've done a little and it's been promising. It's similar to EFT (emotional freedom technique) --- look that up, it's really helped me during times of panic and is similar but more physical.

"I am going to mess up and can't deal with it"
becomes "I think I am going to mess up and can't deal with it"
becomes "I notice that I think I am going to mess up and can't deal with it"
until it's gibberish.

The book presents mentally visual ways to do the same distancing.

It might not work with the big stuff, but perhaps the little to start.

As always, is this thought helpful? If not, put it on the mental river to float away... so you can "catch" and focus on tools as you desire to.

Some ideas. Wishing you find relief and wishing you well.

How many relationships are you talking about, on average?
How do they break down... as in, family, very close friend, classmate, etc?
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I evolved such that I became pretty good at superficial relationships with short term interactions.
I accept that I am not a party person. Too many voices sending input from all around me, noise level too much especially when trying to talk to someone else, drinking alcohol (which I just don't like the taste of), and other characteristics of social behaviors that I don't do well, or well with.
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It used to be painful when people would stop talking and walk away from me. This would happen when I tried to hold several different conversations at once, or my impulsiveness would put them off, or I'd get overly excited when talking about something that greatly stimulated me.
I eventually stopped forcing myself into those situations.
No parties... well, very few, and I will always walk out even if it's outside to be alone for a few minutes. I may play with the cat or dog to give myself some time away.
No big public social functions.
I keep my social circle small and deliberate. I have a group of friends I like to mountain bike with. I don't have to talk while riding
I have neighbors on my dock (I live on a sailboat) that I can chat for a short bit with and move on.
I am at a new job and have been careful not to try to be part of some big social crowd there. Something I failed at with other jobs... so... I'm learning!
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I wish I could have my friend comment here, which would be more appropriate than I... I think.
She went from extremely painful but very little eye contact at work, to building her own way to engage socially while at work, even when people were joking around.
I felt like she did so much, but it seems it was all for work.
She participated in outside interests like martial arts, but I don't know how she managed relationships in that space.
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Maybe just take stock in the relationships you have been involving yourself in and see which ones are more forced than others. Then perhaps concentrate on the ones you don't have to work so hard on?
If you can become comfortable in a smaller number of social relationships, then maybe start adding one more at-a-time?

I generally just don't worry about it. I do not do social masking. In a sense I am very much like a loner. I leave most of the social interaction to my wife who is an extreme extrovert who is very adept to social interaction. If I feel I have screwed up, I will generally apologize even if I do not see the logic of the interaction or if I feel justified. Generally it is counterproductive to battle over the fine points of social interaction.