What aspects of social interaction are especially tiring?

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Yakuzamonroe
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19 Oct 2019, 5:04 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Thank you for your kind words, Yakuzamonroe. I'm already "doing me" because I'm reclusive and seldom leave the house. My list reminded me the reasons why. I can relate to everything you wrote as well!

I didn't put "eye contact" on my list because I don't even fake it. I have so many other things on my mind in social situations that it doesn't cross my mind to actually look at the person or have a strategy of looking at other parts of their face. Most of the time I'm not looking at the person at all, and that's fine with me. I'm always acutely aware that the people are looking at my face, though ... and this stresses me out.

. And ditto on the eye contact thing.

lvpin wrote:

However my new dilemma is how do I interest people without making them too uncomfortable, should I say anything too familiar, dark or strange. a little of any category is fine I just can't do too much and I haven't mastered that yet which has led me to making others uncomfortable.

There is also the constant struggle of trying to get people's intentions and trying to not take anything at face value or let it be warped by anxiety so that I obsess over it for days/weeks/years.

I'd say these are leading problems of mine as well. I'd say trail-and-error are the best ways to confront it since there isn't really a limit to how many bridges you can burn (in context, of course)

But the second thing ... I'm thinking my social life could take some very dark turns if I don't learn to stop taking people seriously. Like, REALLY dark turns. So, ditto here and I'm thinking I desperately need to find help in this area.

Jakki
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19 Oct 2019, 8:54 pm

lvpin wrote:

Knowing what is appropriate to say and what isn't. In the past the way I masked made life hard as everything I said was so normal that I didn't make any real friends as I just regurgitated the sort of things they would say and people found me very boring for this reason. However my new dilemma is how do I interest people without making them too uncomfortable, should I say anything too familiar, d ark or strange. a little of any category is fine I just can't do too much and I haven't mastered that yet which has led me to making others uncomfortable.
Stop that.... let them be uncomfortable ... i watch regurgitators .. just stop it
Your intitled to your thoughts , original or not .. if the world was just black &
WHERE WOULD WE BE , its the bloopers that makes life more fun.. Original ideas are just that. Some situations , if you dont say it noone else will .
Viva la differance . Being yourself is prolly much more important than being anyone else. And actually probably more interesting . If possible avoid outright rudeness , if ? If not , oh well , least your not inhibited .
My Soapbox Bergh for the evening !

*******************************************************************

There is also the constant struggle of trying to get people's intentions and trying to not take anything at face value or let it be warped by anxiety so that I obsess over it for days/weeks/years.

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darkwaver
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20 Oct 2019, 7:53 pm

Staying focused on listening for any length of time without zoning out
Keeping track of what everyone is saying in group conversations
Thinking of anything to say, much less the "right" thing, quickly enough
Trying to stay still and not fidget or move around too much

shortfatbalduglyman
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20 Oct 2019, 8:09 pm

Making eye contact

Talking correct volume

Jakki
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20 Oct 2019, 9:52 pm

darkwaver wrote:

This reminded me , very sadly am exceeding poor at following group
Convos , they all talk so fast , how does anyone ever process , what is beening said ? Or am i missing a part? These folks are actually talking AT other.
And :roll:

this is my missing link ?.

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mr_bigmouth_502
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21 Oct 2019, 6:25 am

Hiding my true self from people. I pretty much have to do it to survive.

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auntblabby
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21 Oct 2019, 6:36 am

a big part of my social problems is that I seem incapable of hiding anything about myself, everything is on my sleeves for the whole world to see.

GiantHockeyFan
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21 Oct 2019, 6:36 am

I can't stand the whole phoniness of it. I am going to a networking event tomorrow and I would rather drink poison. The whole pretending to be your friend, everyone putting on the super social persona and making themselves out to be high paid CEOs in order to attract more money. Ugh. The only reason I am going is the faint hope that someone, somewhere will recognize my talents that can't seem to get past any HR departments.

Jakki
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21 Oct 2019, 10:11 am

auntblabby wrote:

a big part of my social problems is that I seem incapable of hiding anything about myself, everything is on my sleeves for the whole world to see.

Hide your sleeves ?

And actually in hoping for blossoming friendship , thought that was the idea..?
And so my social dilemma balloon becomes, more evident ? In a field of thorn bushes

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Jakki
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21 Oct 2019, 10:19 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

entity that is the networking event says: "hello, here is your glass of poison,digest this slowly please ." Welcome to our event ,
" btw , beware the HR bot over there, it can only process correct buzz words"

PS : hope you recover well .

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Jakki
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21 Oct 2019, 10:24 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:

Hiding my true self from people. I pretty much have to do it to survive.

SSSSssshhhhh... do not post this in the areas that may have NT prying eyes,
Written in jest ,
Btw .. sorry to say ..this very often the case with lots of us , am thinking ?

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Fnord
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21 Oct 2019, 10:47 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

What aspects of social interaction (both in-person and online, both one-on-one and in groups) do you find especially tiring?

It's a tossup between having to explain what my real intentions were after someone has already made their own assumptions, and having to repeatedly say "I did NOT say that!" -- usually to the same people.

Mona Pereth wrote:

And under what kinds of circumstances is social interaction less tiring to you than it would be otherwise?

When playing AD&D or other table-top RPG.

Mona Pereth wrote:

What kinds of social interaction do you find most tiring, and what kinds of social interaction do you find least tiring?

Most: Crowded meetings, parties, or worship services. Least: On-line correspondence and social websites.

Mona Pereth wrote:

Also, if you were in a position to dictate social customs, how would you change the ways that people interact, so that you could make friends more easily without tiring yourself out as much?

Record every conversation, and play it back whenever someone tells me, "You said..." when I didn't.

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Jakki
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21 Oct 2019, 8:15 pm

Jakki wrote:

Interesting here .. am sorry On average , Aspies
That are not intimidated by being inclusive . Or even just sharing ..no issues with after initial awkward ness . Nowadays find myself relieved when can escape NT CONVOS . Needs a NT proof vest?

Clarification here . Please strike ealier comments about self diagnosed aspies please .
Brain was not well engaged in this response. Been larger problems in real life here. Causing some psychic disturbances in my force? Mental resources temporarily exhausted. And please , btw thank you for any patience you can extend me when am verbalizing misdirected poorly thought out things .

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auntblabby
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21 Oct 2019, 11:54 pm

Jakki wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

a big part of my social problems is that I seem incapable of hiding anything about myself, everything is on my sleeves for the whole world to see.

Hide your sleeves ? And actually in hoping for blossoming friendship , thought that was the idea..?
And so my social dilemma balloon becomes, more evident ? In a field of thorn bushes

IOW it has been considered ok or even salutary, for somebody like prince phillip to show the world he is a bit of a rascal, but not somebody like me.

magz
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22 Oct 2019, 1:16 am

I have most problem with body language. Noticing it in others and controllling it in myself. Ability to do it makes things go smoother but it's exhausting.

I like ritualized forms of social interaction. Especially singing together, I play guitar and sing and I love to sing with others. Other forms of ritualized social interaction may include structured dance, sports (I don't like the noise and competition but it is structured and ritualized), board games... In such settings you know what you are expected to do. It lifts a lot of stress.

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JD12345
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22 Oct 2019, 2:45 am

What is commonly known as 'small talk'.

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