Do people assume you have less common sense than actual?

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Jayo
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22 Oct 2019, 7:08 pm

Wondering if anyone has experienced situations where people think and act as though you have less "common sense" than you actually do? Like, when they explain something to you and/or repeat it as if it wouldn't be apparent otherwise? When I've had this happen, frequently I knew what the proper course of action was and didn't need them to tell me - so I will tell them so, and try to invoke a past but similar case in which I exhibited similar desired behaviour (hopefully one that they too were aware of or involved with).

As part of having ASD/HFA, it's often hard to tell someone's true intentions, so they might be covertly condescending (perverse or passive-aggressive), or they might be frustrated and "lashing out", or they might be genuinely concerned and taking an even-handed approach. When I tell them that I'm aware of what the desired behaviour should be in the context at hand, and they express doubt, I'd simply say "well, we've all made errors in judgement, but I believe we're all aiming for the same [or similar] goals."
This works especially well for a variety of reasons, because a) it mitigates any "othering" behaviour on their part, b) it expresses contrition on yours, c) it doesn't sound flippant, and d) you're taking the high road.



League_Girl
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23 Oct 2019, 2:55 am

I had a supervisor who thought I didn't use common sense but it was because I needed specific directions. Even my husband has mentioned common sense to me but that is about social stuff, things most people would know on their own without being told.

For example, someone tells me to take out the trash. I will empty it out and leave it by the trash can where the trash can is. But if they told me "can you please empty out the trash and take it out and put in a new trash liner" I would do what they wanted me to do. So the first part, someone might think I didn't use common sense. For someone who has more severe AS than me and has more processing issues than I do might take the trash out but not put it in the trash can and they leave it outside instead on the ground or they do nothing because they don't know what taking it out means. They might not even know what emptying out the trash means and they are wondering where do they empty it out at and dump it into. For someone else, they might think that aspie is lacking lot of common sense.


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SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 6:28 am

Jayo wrote:
As part of having ASD/HFA, it's often hard to tell someone's true intentions, so they might be covertly condescending (perverse or passive-aggressive), or they might be frustrated and "lashing out", or they might be genuinely concerned and taking an even-handed approach.


That. Thanks for the one suggestion. I need more script to handle these situations. I have a co-worker who is excluding me and condescending to me --- I've tried a few things, but haven't settled on something that works. Mainly I feel too strongly to respond (In EQ tests I score near 100% for knowing how to handle situations and near 25% for implementing). I am going to try EMDR.

How are you able to be even-handed?



lvpin
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23 Oct 2019, 7:34 am

I feel like I lack common sense so wish for me people set the bar lower. I find it hard to follow multiple instructions and so for example if I was given the trash can order I would probably have not put the liner in because that is a difficulty for me. I've worked past that by writing steps down or breaking things up so they seem like separate tasks. In general I take things too literally and I have difficulty problem solving so what seems "obvious" doesn't seem so to me. Ie. once my mum told me I shouldn't put oil in the sink but in a jar we had so I took that as you can only put oil in jars and no other type of vessel and so when we ran out, I didn't get rid of the oil. Multiple incidents like that make me think I lack common sense and so people should actually assume that for me personally. Sadly they don't because I'm intelligent in other ways so I don't get the support unless I explicitly ask for it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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23 Oct 2019, 7:47 am

Sometimes someone overestimate or underestimate my common sense amount

You can't measure common sense and common sense is constantly changing


Plenty of lil dips**ts don't have as much common sense, as they act like they do

Some things are counterintuitive



Edna3362
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23 Oct 2019, 8:10 am

I do have 'common sense'.
Yet it is hindered by this chaotic 'now' -- the very one that might as well resemble like AD(H)D without any positives or whatsoever.

Making both my logic and intuition unreliable, my experiences and real world knowledge cannot be expressed as it should, and it's making me stuck on this myopic, less mature and egocentric point of view... :x



The differences without the hindrances are HUGE. I get to act, think, feel and do better than my own age unlike most at the time.


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CubsBullsBears
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23 Oct 2019, 8:19 am

For me, I've thought of it as myself having a lot of "lapses of judgement", or "not realizing I did something wrong until it was too late". I've also had a lot of moments like Ivpin has had.



SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 8:41 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
Making both my logic and intuition unreliable, my experiences and real world knowledge cannot be expressed as it should, and it's making me stuck on this myopic, less mature and egocentric point of view... :x

The differences without the hindrances are HUGE. I get to act, think, feel and do better than my own age unlike most at the time.

@Edna3362, I relate to the first statement above. Are you saying you have experienced the second statement? How?



Edna3362
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23 Oct 2019, 10:29 pm

SharonB wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Making both my logic and intuition unreliable, my experiences and real world knowledge cannot be expressed as it should, and it's making me stuck on this myopic, less mature and egocentric point of view... :x

The differences without the hindrances are HUGE. I get to act, think, feel and do better than my own age unlike most at the time.

@Edna3362, I relate to the first statement above. Are you saying you have experienced the second statement? How?

.. That's what I want to know myself.
Why the 1st statement, and why the 2nd statement also happens even just less frequent?


But yes.
I've experienced what it was like to have a working executive function, what it was like to have a reliable logic and intuition, what it was like not to be disabled at all, what it was like to 'know', to have a real equal footing beyond the need to compensate, to not be on this compromising positions just because.

People also treated me differently when it happens... I became better than NT, I became more than just someone who's just different.
And it felt fricking good.
I want it, yet something is holding me back from what I already have to begin with. :x I'm being cheated by myself -- never the world but myself -- by an apparently unreachable part of myself and it's just frustrating...


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SharonB
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24 Oct 2019, 5:34 am

Edna3362 wrote:
I've experienced … what it was like not to be disabled at all. People also treated me differently when it happens... I became better than NT... And it felt fricking good. I want it, yet something is holding me back from what I already have to begin with...

I can see it in my mind's eye and have moments like that. Powerful. Next up for me is EMDR (maybe hypnotherapy) and my NT husband has suggested meds (which I have used in the past).