Asking people about their lives

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Hi! I've been learning more and more about my...difficulties...and I realize that part of my trouble is that I don't remember things unless they're exciting to me. So, is it better to ask and just explain that "I probably won't remember...", or "I don't remember if I should already know this but...." or is it better to not ask? I tend to either ask and then feel like an idiot because I don't remember and I've started to just not ask, but I think that's probably not good either. What are your thoughts? Thanks in advance.

It's fine to mention that you have a poor memory and ask again. That happens to me all the time. Don't beat yourself up over it.

(Hint: this is only going to get worse with age - learn to roll with life's punches.)

Be honest. You won't feel an idiot because it's not idiotic. I always share my discomfort of being with a lot of people at once. It's who I am. Only with people I trust though, sharing stuff with people who might use it against you is not a good idea.
One of my students opened up my own group for me on Wattsap called "Reminder" and I write stuff to myself constantly. Sorry I don't know how he did it but I can ask him if you would like to know.

I play word games on the computer to exercise my brain and try and challenge myself.My short time memory is definitely weakening. It's inevitable. We work with what life brings us.

I wish you a pleasantly exciting life so that you will have much to remember :

Generally if it is important, I write it down. I have shopping lists. I have "to do" lists. I also have small blank pads of paper strategically placed in my house to capture the thoughts that seem to arise at 4AM when I wake up.

I am 70 and my memory has not deteriorated very much. But I have in my old age become better at note taking. It more than compensates.

When I am stressed, I will struggle to remember something that I know I should know or finding a word that I know is a perfect choice. I always have, its not something that's gotten worse over time. It just is.

Lucky you jimmy m with my ADD I write lists and never take them with me shopping, or I forget that I have written them.
If they are in my phone at least they are accessible if I remember. I am paranoid about losing my keys or my phone, and I keep forgetting to leave a spare key with the neighbour.

Things like that are challenging, organizational stuff. I've had that challenge since birth. In the work setting though hey presto I would remember complicated treatment plans for patients, and have never forgotten a task or missed giving a treatment. With ADD it's a matter of motivation, I focus when motivated. There is also a mischievous entity in my house that puts an invisible cloak on things like my glasses, or keys, money. They are there, but I can't for the life of me see them. It takes a day or two and woooosh! The cloak is removed and there are my misplaced items.

Then I say to myself "easy girl easy, your not going mad, just a new challenge to deal with, no sweat."

Being patient with myself is paramount. The more I beat myself up the faster the decline.
I believe in the attitude of gratitude. I try and appreciate the things that I am blessed with and don't fight the little insidious changes that old age brings. Basically if I wake up in the morning that's a bonus, if I also remember who I am then the sky is the limit.

It's high maintenance being "vintage" though.

I usually say something like "I'm so sorry, I should remember but I am terrible with names...can you remind me?" And that helps. Or writing it down. I can also sometimes remember better if I can relate their name to a fact or something I already know. Like if their name is Liam, I may link it to the actor in my brain.

Or being Facebook friends helps, since I see their photo and name together. But I usually wait for people to friend me so I don't accidentally seem creepy.

I do pretty well with stories about their lives since I like stories, and it's kind of like remembering who the author was to know who told me which story.

I have the same problem, but I ask people about their lives anyway since it's considered rude to not do so if they ask about yours first. I don't always remember stuff, but when I realize I have to/have asked something I should already know, I just apologize for forgetting.

The least I ask people about their lives the least they ask about mine xD Generally if they ask about mine I just assume they are being nosy for some odd reason

An example of this springs to mind for me. I was in my university dorm kitchen and a friend of one of my housemates was there, who I had never met before. He told me his name, and then we proceeded to have a conversation, generally about the kind of topics that interest me. Then he told me he was leaving, to which I said "Okay, it was nice meeting you...er, sorry I forgot your name?" He was clearly, or least vaguely, annoyed by that. Similarly I can watch a movie/TV programme or read a book and remember specific details of the plot, but still not recall the names of the major characters. I suppose names aren't that interesting to me.

If you do not ask, sometimes they act like you are curt




If you ask sometimes they bark "none of your business" or "duh"




Someone asked what type of documents I typed at work

They were trying to be "friendly". Granted.


But I was getting a headache and wanted them quiet


Sometimes I ask questions or make statements that lil dips**t bark at me for. They took it the wrong way.

As someone diagnosed with Gender identity Disorder and autism, it's like, the social interaction is good until it is bad and it doesn't get better




For this reason, among numerous others, I feel reluctant to ask precious lil "people" about their lives



One other large problem, is that "most people" appear, to me, to effortlessnessly flap their trap so loud, that I can hear them 20 feet away. Without exaggeration.

While talking takes a lot of energy for me. Lil dips**ts often grunt ""huh" and "what" . Like it is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"



Oftentimes the precious lil "people" are all buddy buddy and indulgent and too good to be true ,. Until you do or say the slightest thing they do not like or understand. Then it's like, inciting a riot . It was like the idiots wanted to exterminate me

Hi! It's been a while since I've been on here. I guess, without an official diagnosis, I just keep thinking, "Maybe I'm not actually Autistic." Recently I've joined a chat group on discord and many of the girls are autistic and one even asked me if I was after I displayed several signs. You all have given me some great responses. I can make "notes" on contacts in my phone, so maybe I will do that for important stuff and I already use reminders, but just being upfront is what I've kinda been doing. The more I notice Autistic signs in myself the more I just point them out and let them show instead of masking. Thanks everyone for all the input. Sorry, I didn't reply for so long.

I just fudge it as best I can. I often forget names and I fail to take in much background information about people unless it touches on something I've experienced myself and feels important. On a good day I might ask somebody a question or two about their lives, but mostly it just doesn't occur to me. I've heard a lot about these things being practically essential to social success, but although I can see how they'd be useful, I don't think they matter quite as much as they're often said to.

I suppose what I do is to play to my strengths. I prefer deep, detailed conversation to shallow fluff. If somebody has a problem that my particular skill set seems able to help them with, I'm interested in looking at that. To my mind there are more important things in friendship than remembering names and absorbing relatively indifferent details. There's no point me trying to cope at the NT level, so I just try to do what I do best with people, and hope that enough of them like it, and that some of them even prefer it that way and see me as something of a refreshing change from the norm.

As for the usual shallow stuff, I don't even try to address people by name very much. I just try to look as if I'm glad to see them, I listen to them and try to address the matters they talk about, even if I'm going to forget most of it soon afterwards.

But what with this pandemic thing, it's more a question of what I used to do before that started. It's been a long time since I've "socialised," and it'll probably be a long time before I do so again.

I have a very hard time remembering names. I have to ask someone their name until I remember it.