Why NTs might find autistic people annoying

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KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 4:54 am

I just had a revelation. I've seen my online autistic friends who are struggling with something and I've replied with something sympathetic/empathetic/supportive.

e.g. 'Oh good luck, I hope you get enough money for your needs.'

'Oh a rainy day is miserable isn't it. I had one of those days yesterday. I'm glad you've got enough money for food etc. though.'

Only for the autistic friend to pick my comment apart because I've used the wrong word or slightly misunderstood.

I feel like I am on the side of the NT people in these cases. I was just being nice and supportive, autistic friends. Please just appreciate that. I have problems too, I'm tired or fed up or hungry or sad etc. Just because I happened to use the wrong word and wasn't 100% accurate, I was still being supportive.

I think the autistic habit of trying to get a precise meaning out of sentences can be annoying sometimes.

I've been trying not to do that lately but trying to understand that someone making a nice comment is just being nice. They aren't asking for an examination of what the words actually meant and how they were slightly inaccurate and didn't precisely apply to my personal situation.

What do you think?


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Last edited by KitLily on 22 Sep 2023, 9:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

timf
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22 Sep 2023, 5:40 am

The ability to focus attention is often at the expense of peripheral attention. This focus can make slight (insignificant) details stand out while simultaneously make one less perceptive to the annoyance sharing such observations may cause.

Hopefully, as the years pass, one learns to be less spontaneously sharing observations and more aware of causing offense.



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22 Sep 2023, 7:58 am

You should ask my NT wife, I've been irritating the hell out her for 30 years. And I have the bruises to prove it. :lol:



KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 8:05 am

timf wrote:
The ability to focus attention is often at the expense of peripheral attention. This focus can make slight (insignificant) details stand out while simultaneously make one less perceptive to the annoyance sharing such observations may cause.

Hopefully, as the years pass, one learns to be less spontaneously sharing observations and more aware of causing offense.


Please can you explain and clarify what that means? Because I don't understand it.


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ToughDiamond
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22 Sep 2023, 8:12 am

I've certainly annoyed people with my tedious attention to detail. It's probably put off a lot of people who weren't much into precise thinking. I think having a science job most of my life helped me to stick to people who weren't so averse to data. I like to think that I've improved over the years, and that I don't often annoy anybody these days. I've also had some kind of sympathy with people who have to put up with the kind of things I (used to) do. Listening to too much detail tires me out and I lose focus. There can't be a 2-way conversation if either party starts data-dumping.



KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 8:33 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
I've certainly annoyed people with my tedious attention to detail. It's probably put off a lot of people who weren't much into precise thinking. I think having a science job most of my life helped me to stick to people who weren't so averse to data. I like to think that I've improved over the years, and that I don't often annoy anybody these days. I've also had some kind of sympathy with people who have to put up with the kind of things I (used to) do. Listening to too much detail tires me out and I lose focus. There can't be a 2-way conversation if either party starts data-dumping.


I think I know what you mean:

My autistic friends were data dumping. I was wishing them well. But they thought I'd misunderstood their comment and tried to correct me. But all I was doing was wishing them well with no other motive. Because I'm busy and don't have lots of time or energy to go into the extreme detail they wanted me to go into.

Is that what you meant?


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cyberdad
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22 Sep 2023, 9:05 am

Is it possible to teach an AI to translate autistic into NT and also the other way around?



KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 10:55 am

cyberdad wrote:
Is it possible to teach an AI to translate autistic into NT and also the other way around?


That would be a fantastic use of AI. Or an AI to prioritise what information is the most important in any situation for autistic people.


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blitzkrieg
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22 Sep 2023, 11:09 am

I know what you mean, KitLily.

I think some autistic folk are a little too pedantic also, but that is natural & to be expected, so I don't hold it against people.



naturalplastic
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22 Sep 2023, 11:30 am

KitLily wrote:
timf wrote:
The ability to focus attention is often at the expense of peripheral attention. This focus can make slight (insignificant) details stand out while simultaneously make one less perceptive to the annoyance sharing such observations may cause.

Hopefully, as the years pass, one learns to be less spontaneously sharing observations and more aware of causing offense.


Please can you explain and clarify what that means? Because I don't understand it.

I think that he means if you focus too much on the trees you might miss seeing the forest.



Benjamin the Donkey
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22 Sep 2023, 12:05 pm

Every discussion with my autistic teenage son shows me how annoying I was when I was younger. It's impossible for him to have a conversation without deviating into a monologue of no interest to anyone but himself. I didn't learn to avoid that till I was in my 20s, and I still have the tendency.


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KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 12:26 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
I know what you mean, KitLily.

I think some autistic folk are a little too pedantic also, but that is natural & to be expected, so I don't hold it against people.


It is just annoying: when I'm trying to be kind and supportive I get told off. So I end up feeling 'why bother? Sort your own problems out, why should I bother if my good intentions are criticised and misunderstood? I'll focus on my own life and be selfish.'


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KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 12:26 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
KitLily wrote:
timf wrote:
The ability to focus attention is often at the expense of peripheral attention. This focus can make slight (insignificant) details stand out while simultaneously make one less perceptive to the annoyance sharing such observations may cause.

Hopefully, as the years pass, one learns to be less spontaneously sharing observations and more aware of causing offense.


Please can you explain and clarify what that means? Because I don't understand it.

I think that he means if you focus too much on the trees you might miss seeing the forest.


Erm...?


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KitLily
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22 Sep 2023, 12:28 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Every discussion with my autistic teenage son shows me how annoying I was when I was younger. It's impossible for him to have a conversation without deviating into a monologue of no interest to anyone but himself. I didn't learn to avoid that till I was in my 20s, and I still have the tendency.


My daughter is a bit like that! She's always away with the fairies and it's hard to get any sense out of her most of the time. I'm sure I was the same! :lol:


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22 Sep 2023, 2:25 pm

I've always been annoyed with people trying to comfort me with some kind of reassurance that others have been through similar things. I know it's meant well, but it never makes me feel better.



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22 Sep 2023, 2:52 pm

I have heard that our quirkiness is one of the things that gets on their nerves.