Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,739

21 Jan 2024, 8:27 pm

What kind of long term grudges did you hold against someone? What did they allegedly do wrong?

What kind of long term grudges did someone hold against you? What did they tell you, you did wrong?



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,991
Location: Alpena MI

22 Jan 2024, 7:42 am

if I understand somebody did something deliberately to harm me, embarass, shame, or otherwise make me a victim of their actions, I am pretty rigid and slow to forgive. Many people have grudges against me, and have stopped communication or interacting with me, but until I learned about my autism I did not understand why. One or two folks were offended by things I said or did without the intention to cause hurt, (but I did hurt them, I think) and took revenge in sabotaging my work, setting me up as a scapegoat for blame for things I did not do, etc... I still have not forgiven those folks. That happened maybe 4 or 5 times in my life, 3 of them were family members. I still don't interact with them on any level if I can help it. I am very slow to forgive.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


kokopelli
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,657
Location: amid the sunlight and the dust and the wind

22 Jan 2024, 8:09 am

I generally don't hold grudges long at all.

There is one, though that I still have thirty years later. I was head of R&D at a company years ago and we were defrauded badly by another company that owed us a lot of money. It was so bad that it drove us into bankruptcy. At the time, I was the fourth largest stockholder in the company. If we hadn't been driven out of business, I would be worth tens of millions or hundreds of millions of dollars by now, maybe more.

I have never lost by grudge against the fraudsters in the company that drove us into bankruptcy.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,515
Location: Stalag 13

22 Jan 2024, 10:58 am

I held a grudge against my dad for a long time because he underestimated the type of future I'd had and showed displeasure towards my accent when I was 12. I no longer hold a grudge against him.

I'm still holding a grudge against Ken Livingstone because of what he did to London's bus system.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,307

22 Jan 2024, 12:46 pm

Hmm.....grudge...."a feeling of resentment harbored because of some real or fancied wrong"........"a strong feeling of anger and dislike for a person who you feel has treated you badly, especially one that lasts for a long time."

I don't think I have much in the way of long term grudges. Maybe a little bit towards one or two of my schoolteachers back in the 1960s, but strangely not towards my mother who must have given me as much pain. I suppose it's because I can see that my mother was a rather disturbed person, and therefore somehow beneath the required level of responsibility for judgement, while those cruel teachers seem to have had a lot more of a choice about their behaviour towards me - in those days teachers had a lot more freedom to do as they liked, and they certainly didn't seem terribly overworked or unhappy.

I have trouble resisting the temptation to discuss and lampoon some of the naff behaviour of one of my ex-wives when I recall it, but I don't think that's really resentment. It's more light-hearted than that, though as we were married a long time I do feel a bit of resentment that the relationship wasted such a large chunk of my life. Still, I understand that nobody forced me to stay with her, and when she'd crossed one line too many I got rid of her and thus "had the last laugh," if I may put it so crudely. I've had other partners who gave me more pain but these days I feel more sorry for them than I do for myself. I probably tend to emphasise their unreasonable behaviour when I talk about them, at least to a degree, but I think a lot of that is down to my desire to justify my own actions rather than to demonise them particularly.

I do tend to rather strongly resent people who are currently messing up my life or the lives of others who I care about. My neighbour who lives in the apartment above mine makes a hell of a racket, often right through until the small hours of the morning when I'm trying to sleep. I've named him "Tinkerbell" which is deliberately ironic because he's a clumsy "big-footed elephant." I would also like to take revenge against him, at least I think I would, though if I got the chance to seriously mess up his life then I'd probably not actually do that. But it's different because he's a current problem and I'll very likely stop denigrating him to myself and others as soon as he stops causing me pain.

I guess I entertain quite a lot of ignoble thoughts, and they can sometimes take the form of grudges. I don't feel particularly guilty about it because my behaviour towards the targets of my resentment isn't anything like so nasty as what goes on in my mind. I think it may be dangerous to try to sanitise my inner feelings too much. So I allow myself to denigrate in my own head as a kind of safety valve. I know I don't really mean it.



DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,873
Location: PNW USA

22 Jan 2024, 1:18 pm

I don't tend to hold grudges at all. If I have to, I will simply remove that person from my life but even that isn't something I do lightly.

I've never seen the point of holding on the anger, it doesn't harm the other person in the slightest, but does have negative effects on my well-being, which doesn't help anything.

I don't know what grudges other people my have towards me, its none of my business.



Suicidal_Vampire
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 124
Location: Silicon Heaven

22 Jan 2024, 1:45 pm

I hold grudges for a ridiculously long time. Like so long I oughta have a written list because I keep forgetting why I'm mad at people in the first place. Someone told me that holding grudges against people was bad, so I tried to stop.
When I was younger, I kept getting picked on/bullied for reasons I don't remember and I'd put my hands over my ears and repeat saying, "don't hold a grudge" over and over again.
When that didn't help anything, I just gave up on the concept of forgiving people, especially when they don't apologize.


_________________
MAN
"You know, I have a doctor friend I think can help you."
EDWARD
"Really? I'd like to meet him."


DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,873
Location: PNW USA

22 Jan 2024, 6:16 pm

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 68,458
Location: Chez Quis

22 Jan 2024, 6:24 pm

I don't hold grudges but I have a very good memory.
When I'm triggered by something else, the memories sometimes flood back.
That happens even if the trigger wasn't related to that person.
It's like an insecurity reflex.

I have to talk myself through them so the person won't think it's a grudge.

I actually have the opposite thing, in general.
I forgive people far, far too easily and too often.
I take the blame for everything because of my guilt / shame spiral from CPTSD.

That all being said, screw with my kids or someone I love, and I will hold a grudge.
I'm more affected by others being wronged than myself.


_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


homurathought
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2023
Age: 19
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 19
Location: georgia, US

23 Jan 2024, 2:09 am

if you apologize to me it is incredibly unlikely that i dont accept said apology so it's rare for me to hold grudges unless someone is just a dick in general in which case that's less of a grudge that's just me not liking them



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

23 Jan 2024, 2:48 am

I find long term grudges are cured by alcohol and memory loss