Do You Feel You Are Behind in Life?

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Do you feel like you are stuck at a certain point that is way behind others? That your neighbors or old school friends have moved on with their lives in terms of settling down with career, family and that somehow you feel that there are milestones that have been long overdue for years?

Yes...I feel I am behind in life.
Academically...I am years behind. I left school officailly at age 15 because of bullying. Now I regret it as I am so far behind.

As far as having a family...I am 16 and not even contemplating that yet.

Ooooohhhh boy.... ok, how'd you get in my head??? Wait... I KNOW I have that tinfoil hat around here SOMEWHERE....

Seriously, this is the way I felt for years... and I was angry and bitter about it... Then my youngest son was diagnosed with Asperger's and my world changed. I started reading... and then I got hold of my best friend and had HIM read it... it was like a sun rising... we both realized WE had finally found out what the HELL was different about us. I realized right away how I'd managed to stay married for over 10 years (at that point) since my WIFE was clearly and Aspie too, as well as our oldest son (diagnosis for all of us confirmed by multiple doctors for the boys since then as well). Once I learned, about WHY I reacted the way I did, and what triggers and warning signs to watch out for... Within a couple of years I was made an Assistant Vice President, followed a year later by being made Department Manager at the bank I work for... Controlling my traits, and keeping them OUT of the workplace made a HUGE difference in my life. I've seen other Aspie's, who didn't. Some of them were fired, and some of them are frequently afraid they WILL be fired. Because of behaviors they recognize, but haven't taken control of. If I hadn't found out about Asperger's seven years ago, I might have been one of the ones fired. The funny thing is, there's now a large group at work who actually seem to LIKE me, which confuses me no end... Most of them I have nothing but pity for because they're soooo limited. I make sure I keep my distance, make a few jokes here and there, which was a learned defense mechanism I developed in school, and suddenly I'm popular? I NEVER will understand NT's.

Yes, in almost every way.

I have had family and lost them (twice to death and once to the breakup of the family).

I have never managed to make it all the way thru college and so have no degree or professional certifications. (have nearly 20 years experience in my field, so that is less relevant these days)

Financially, I am treading water - have been ahead at one time and lost it all to care for a dying family member. (Wouldn't change that decision for all the money in the world.)

Aside from being nearly totally alone in the world, I suppose everyone thinks I am doing fine. But it's the alone that is slowly killing me. And that is the part no one sees.

I dropped out of highschool at 16 and never went back to school.

I dont know how to drive a car.

I've never held a job for over a week

I'm single, have no friends, and still live at home.

And I'm 22.

I'd say it's safe to say that I feel pretty behind in life

.....

I seem to be behind everyone with similar education and/or come from the same socioeconomic background.
Things teenagers or young adults do in groups I never had the chance to do. I never took my car and drove off to some other place for holidays. I've also grown accustomed to my dad arranging everything for everyone in my family - social isolation, depression and low self-esteem have kept me without the strength to actually hatch out of this. On top of all this, my father treats every mundane task like some bomb deactivation task only himself can do and keeps everyone else in the dark about it's details so I have to pester/interrogate him about things and that also consumes a lot of effort and time.
I do live a somewhat independent life but it took me alot of time to get to where I am - and so I'm behind. Also, I still have a lot of ties to cut before I can feel a real person.

Interesting story.
What kind of behaviours? Are there subtle pitfalls or is it more obvious stuff?.

Last edited by Whisperer on 02 Jan 2008, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

Once in a while I feel a wee bit left behind. Not as much as others, but still noticeable at times. For instance, it took me 7 years to get a career related job.

I'm not behind--- I simply took a different road.

I was going down the hall at work, bouncing along with my usual joie de vivre and it occurred to me that I was nearing 60 and I was still wondering when I was going to 'grow up'. About two weeks later I heard about AS and started researching it and a year or so later now I am going for a DX so I can maintain my job in the same company in another facility.

In my life, I have been with single and newly married people and we would all be friends and then they would start their families and I moved on, and then I was older than the young single and newly married folks and then when the babies started coming I moved on. Then I was very old and still hanging with the singles and young marrieds and when the children came I was Auntie and then Granny. The 'milestones' never happened to me, either.

So, maybe it is part of who we are?

Merle

Behind in some aspects, ahead in others.

From a family standpoint, yes. I never married.

From a career standpoint, no. I have a Ph.D. and am a college professor.

Maybe it is a tradeoff.

Yes I have felt I was behind in life. When I left high school, I saw my other school mates had gone to school, some stayed home and went to the local college in our valley but I saw they had jobs, lived on their own and I didn't. I knew this because I would run into them in stores so that's how I knew.
Then when I finally was living on my own, I saw some of them already had kids, have a relationship and I felt behind.
Then I finally got a boyfriend so I felt better but we both didn't have any degrees or were going to school. We both had disabilities and both struggled in school so college would be hard for both of us, it be even worse. He quit going to community college because he wasn't passing his courses, plus the school didn't carry a degree for martial arts he wanted so he was screwed.

I still feel I am behind because I am not going to school, how can I if I live on my own, I work full time and how can I do school and afford to live on my own at the same time. There is my boyfriend but I would hate to be dependent on him because I can't afford to pay all my bills due to not making enough money.
Hopefully I'll figure something out someday.
I can't work high paying jobs because I don't have any degrees or training experience. I wouldn't leave my job for another job that pays less and gives me less hours. But I would leave for a job that pays more and is full time and is something I am able to do and I can get to by bus or train and isn't very far away.

I do, yes.

Why all this stress to be like everyone else?
You are what you are. I'm at least 10 years behind in some regards, but I don't care.
It just means 10 more years of fun.

Yes.

I've just turned 24.

Still living with parents.

No driver's license.

A current bank balance of about $7.

No full-time job, although I'm working on that.

I do have a uni degree, though.

I am confident that I will catch up with the NTs, though: my path in life has simply been delayed, not altogether stalled.

Yes.
Some of the people I went to school with have good paid jobs overseas, or have moved to a capital city. Sometimes I see announcements in the local newspaper of former classmates getting engaged or having kids.
I still live at home, single, just getting my drivers licence and I don't consider my job as my career.