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Losing love for things you don't recognize

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feelgoodlost
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15 Jan 2008, 9:44 pm

I always feel terrible because if someone I love changes their appearance in some way, I have to learn to love them again...life if my mom gets her hair cut or dyed, I still have the same tremendous love for her (that's always there), but maybe not as much as I used to because I loved the old mother. I took my dog out to run around yesterday and it started to rain and she looked totally different wet, and I found myself having to remind myself that I love her (whereas normally all I need to do is look at her and feel an overwhelming surge of love for her). Does anyone else have a hard time feeling the same about loved ones if they need to re-adjust themselves to their appearance??



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Deinonychus
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15 Jan 2008, 10:07 pm

That's pretty intense. There's definitely guys who might not love their girlfriend if their looks got scarred. But if you're doing this because your dog gets wet then I would imagine you are constantly reevaluating people. I'm not like you and I think it would be bothersome mentally to be affected by such minuscule changes.



pineapple
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16 Jan 2008, 1:09 am

I can't say I deal with this, but I kind of know what you mean. I have a hard time recognizing people, and what you're talking about seems like it could be a more extreme form of that...



Sifr
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16 Jan 2008, 2:43 am

I've shut my eyes from such harsh criticism to people I am close to. I can't stand differences, and I cannot stand not taking in everything the first time. When I meet a person that I am interested in, the second or third time out I wonder what I saw in her.


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Asparval
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16 Jan 2008, 3:40 am

feelgoodlost wrote:
I always feel terrible because if someone I love changes their appearance in some way, I have to learn to love them again...life if my mom gets her hair cut or dyed, I still have the same tremendous love for her (that's always there), but maybe not as much as I used to because I loved the old mother. I took my dog out to run around yesterday and it started to rain and she looked totally different wet, and I found myself having to remind myself that I love her (whereas normally all I need to do is look at her and feel an overwhelming surge of love for her). Does anyone else have a hard time feeling the same about loved ones if they need to re-adjust themselves to their appearance??


Its not that you are losing love for your Mom or your dog; more that, because their appreance has changed, you need to match their new appearnce to the person (or animal) you love.

For example, your love for your dog remained the same; you just needed to realise that this creature with a different appearance was also your dog.

I remember as a child being completely spooked out if, while lying on the floor, my Mom leaned over me from behind; because her face appeared upside down I could never match this 'new' face properly to my Mom.

I reacted as though a complete stranger had just peered over me and freaked out.



ChloeK
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16 Jan 2008, 4:46 am

When I was twelve my dad shaved his beard off and I couldn't really look at him until it grew back. He looked too different without it and I just couldn't deal. My mother talks about cutting her hair and I strongly discourage it because she would look so different- I'm scared I would stop being able to recognize her.