Wretchedness looping in your head.

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Sometimes, if an obscenity is particularly ghastly, it can loop in my head for months. For instance, someone on Gawker.com made a snarky comment about how young Suri Cruise reminded them of a blow-up sex doll about a year ago. Now I can't look at babies without seeing mental images of fat, hairy men being obscene with blow-up sex dolls. I feel as if my innocent ability to enjoy babies has been permanently soiled. The person that made that comment and all the NTs who read it have forgotten it completely by now.

Last year in Biology, a red-headed boy told a joke thus: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven! This rather pathetic attempt at a Holocaust joke did not die inside me for a long, long time. A screechy, fractured version of it was always playing in the back of my mind. Nothing could exorcise this evil spirit. Sometimes I would scream into my pillow because the sound of that joke being told over and over and over like ringing in the ears was absolutely unbearable.

Even though I am not interested in sex, grotesque sexual imagery lodges in my brain,
too. But this is a family site, and I will leave it at that.

I have obsessive-compulsive disorder as well as AS. Torment from unwanted obscene thoughts is a common symptom of OCD. Prozac sooths the skipping-dirty-record fever, but I fear that the next tasteless joke I hear will launch me back into this hell.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Sort-of, and it's delibatating at times. When I have a bad interaction it's like day surgery. I see evidence of the wound but I numb and have no verbal reproach. Then, later, the anesthetic dissipates and I feel pain. I take a long time to recuperate from pain. I'll forget the person who hurt me, but not the pain - ever. I collect wounds. I am very forgiving but what I mean is purposeful hurtful 'schemes' NTs do with their forward thinking. I have no concept of deceit so this is just so hard for me to understand - and process.

I suffer through the pain and, yes, it just ruminates in my head over and over and over.......X 10 ^ (1/0). Sickening! Worse, I take it personally, regardless of how baseless the other's behavior/action. I know - doesn't make sense, but I still feel the pain.

I just wish I knew how to make it better so I don't agonize......

Weirdly, I really do NOT get angry. I just....ruminate. Feel perplexed. Hate that. Any ideas how to kill the pain?

I often get these "mindworms," disturbing thoughts I can't get out of my head, usually either thoughts about a relative dying, an existential topic, or something sexual in nature. My psychiatrist says they are a symptom of my OCD. They can sometimes drive me to near insanity.

I'd like to know if there's a real cure for this, too.

It's like being tortured in your own mind for a prolonged time, and it exacerbates any negative emotions one might have about oneself.