Does life ever feel contrived to you?

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marshall
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21 Apr 2008, 12:25 am

So many things in life just feel phony to me… like jumping through hoops.

One example is polite talk. I often feel I’m pretending to be interested even though I’m not. Even the nicest company feels vapid and draining to me when I can’t talk about anything that interests me.

Another example is instances where I’m supposed to “play myself up”. I hate having to sell myself to people. If I went to a job interview and the person just said “well…” I could never feel comfortable talking about myself. If people have questions I’ll answer, but I can’t do a sales pitch. It just feels contrived and stupid to me.

A third example is writing essays for applications. Essay questions always feel so contrived to me that I have no idea what to write. It seems the questions are always worded in a way that makes only one type of answer fit well. If the thing I have to say doesn’t quite fit the question on the application I get completely blocked. It feels way too forced.

There are other examples, but I can’t think of anything specific right now. It just seems that normal people are better at “playing a part” in life than I am. I get no emotional satisfaction out of playing a part for other people. I feel like this one thing is the biggest root of the depression and apathy I feel towards life.



Dracula
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21 Apr 2008, 1:44 am

Formal conversation is boring and unfulfilling for everyone, so in that sense you aren't alone!

I prefer conversation to be engrossing, and have a strong, interesting topic to go off of.

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21 Apr 2008, 1:48 am

With as many people, interests and beliefs there are in the World, it's no wonder everything is fake.

Didn't you hear? Fake is the newest fad. OK, not new, but damn sure enduring.


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LadyM
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21 Apr 2008, 1:55 am

I feel exactly the same way as you do, marshall.



wsmac
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21 Apr 2008, 2:00 am

Well, LIFE itself does not feel contrived to me... just the way people act in general.

Politeness definitely is one that always baffles me.
Too many things that I find normal for humans to do are considered impolite in public or even in a small group of people you know.

Formality is another aspect of socializing that seems unnecessary and often creates barriers than breaks them.


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21 Apr 2008, 2:45 am

I agree, all these unwritten rules feel fake and like a waste of time. Amazing how society can spit you out if you don't adhere to the silliness.


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21 Apr 2008, 3:14 am

marshall wrote:
So many things in life just feel phony to me


Hi Marshall.

that's because they are.

marshall wrote:
One example is polite talk. I often feel I’m pretending to be interested even though I’m not. Even the nicest company feels vapid and draining to me when I can’t talk about anything that interests me.

You don't have a personality. Humans do.
You don't need a personality. humans do.
Because you don't have or need or want a personality, you don't have or need or want to be polite, like personalities have to be. They have no choice. They must always continue to play their parts.
marshall wrote:
Another example is instances where I’m supposed to “play myself up”. I hate having to sell myself to people.

that's because you don't have a personality, which is a social 'clown suit and a painted smile'.
Because you don't have - or need - a personality, because you are actually just really you, you don't need a human ego, either.
In humans, their personality - a social defense mechanism which navigates with things like 'politeness' - is in complete conflict with their egos - which only care about themselves. This conflict cannot be resolved, and goes directly into the human subconscious.
You don't have that problem.
That's why you don't feel the need to 'sell' yourself.
Such things are alien to Autistics.
Those are human traits.
those are human problems.
We don't have them - or need them.

marshall wrote:
A third example is writing essays for applications. It seems the questions are always worded in a way that makes only one type of answer fit well.

Yeah, understood. I can't fill out forms at all.
Same thing.
Humans have very rigid personalities. Autistics don't.
Humans expect rigid personalities, and cannot conceive of anything except the rigid personalities which they identify themselves as. Therefore, humans can only make things for rigid, predictable personalities.
You don't have one of those, and humans cannot conceive of you. They cannot understand that they make personalities and then pretend they are those personalities ... so they cannot conceive of what you are - who does not have or need the defense mechanism of a personality. You feel everything they are terrified to feel; so terrified that they create personalities to live through.

We can understand them completely, but they can never understand us.

marshall wrote:
It just seems that normal people are better at “playing a part” in life than I am. I get no emotional satisfaction out of playing a part for other people. I feel like this one thing is the biggest root of the depression and apathy I feel towards life.

LOL ! !!
Humans seem to "play parts" because it's the only thing they know how to do. They are crippled.
The 'parts' they 'play' are their personalities.
They cannot feel directly, because it is too painful for them, so they create a personality and identify themselves with it and believe it is actually their real selves.
We don't 'play parts' because we don't have to. We are not crippled like humans.
Human personalities are predictable defense mechanisms. they cannot feel anything directly, but only through their personality. We feel everything directly.

You are a god among clowns who believe they're really the clowns they portray. Stop being depressed and apathetic, and take your rightful place.

Humans are crippled. They cannot feel. They are completely unable to grasp what you really are. You are completely alone amongst humans, just as you would be around people who dressed up like clowns and wore painted smiles and laughed all the time ... and thought that was really them. Pretty lonely. Pretty horrid.

Don't believe? Keep looking deeper, and you'll see everything. You pretty much said all of that in your post; I just basically made everything you said more substantial, that's all.


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21 Apr 2008, 3:22 am

wsmac wrote:
Well, LIFE itself does not feel contrived to me... just the way people act in general.



Echo that.

All of the situations that the OP wrote about bother me; especially selling myself. If someone asks me "tell me about you", it feels stupid giving a sales pitch, what, they think that a personality/attributes/skill set that have taken 24+ years to shape can be effectively summed up in a few sentences? That suggests to me that the person asking the question is either
1. Really brilliant at summarising.
2. Really boring.


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21 Apr 2008, 4:25 am

Simply put, by nature we're able to see how trivial and senseless such activities are, and because of that we don't see the need (or lack the ability?) to participate. To use an already overused phrase, we like to "keep it real." :P



Paperplate
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21 Apr 2008, 5:27 am

Do you all feel that you do fit in somewhere? If by definition we have trouble with social intuition, i.e. at work, why are ppl able to fit in at a bikers club/church group. Every place has it's own sets of social nuances. I have difficulty at most places.


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Macbeth
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21 Apr 2008, 5:47 am

Paperplate wrote:
Do you all feel that you do fit in somewhere? If by definition we have trouble with social intuition, i.e. at work, why are ppl able to fit in at a bikers club/church group. Every place has it's own sets of social nuances. I have difficulty at most places.


Certain groups or places will have a different set of "rules" as to what they desire or expect. There are so many things to do and places to go like that, that sooner or later we are bound to find one we can get on in, without too much trouble.


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21 Apr 2008, 6:44 am

I really identify with this and have been wondering the same thing. I can't really feel what other ppl feel when they laugh at something like it's soooo funny. Yet I'll laugh at something that would be seen as inappropriate. I've learned just to put on a fake and nervous laugh when everyone thinks something is hysterical. Same thing goes for activites. It isn't that I don't like a certain activity a person's doing per se, but I can't seem to get as excited as the person who shows it with enthusiasm. Also, when it comes to getting excited, I go completely numb. Weird thing is, when I was little I used to get overly excited. I cherish those exciting memories, I don't know what happened to my excitement. :(

I really wish I could feel some of these feelings or emotions as other "normal" ppl do. I luv humor but can't express in ways like my counterparts. It's like life is a stage and I'm there to perform an act. I'd luv to know what causes this. It's annoying, embarassing, and makes me come off as looking cold to some ppl. :?


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velodog
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21 Apr 2008, 6:52 am

archetype wrote:
You are a god among clowns who believe they're really the clowns they portray.[/i][/u] Stop being depressed and apathetic, and take your rightful place.


Archetype, you sound just like Magneto talking to the firebug kid. :lol:



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21 Apr 2008, 7:51 am

The world so filled with BS it's pathetic.


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sgrannel
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21 Apr 2008, 8:00 am

I feel it, too.


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