Aspergers and Mother in laws from hell!! !

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I just wondered if there was anyone on wrong planet who had this same problem, with mother in laws?

I am engaged to my boyfreind who lives all the way in newcastle, we get on fine
the relationship is ok but the only problem is...his mother. I had a fallout with her
when I went on holiday with his family to Scotland, because I am an aspie I couldn't
cope with the service station and so I wanted to leave and wait outside but they wouldn't
let me. But I was having such a hard time I just stormed out my boyfriend made the mistake
of trying to pull me back in *he regrets that now* and I pushed him away and started yelling
at him and hid behind the phone box and burst into tears...and his mother came out and started
yelling at ME calling me a freak and things...
But yes the most up to date news is I asked her to send a letter to me which ANY normal person
would do, but she kept putting it off and making excuises why she couldn't send it.
So my mum rang her cause she was being so akward and my mum tried explaining to her why
I wanted the letter so soon and she just ended up yelling at my mym and putting the phone down
on her! So yes FINALLY she's sent the letter the first part of it is all nicey nicey stuff and pink fluffy bunnies ect...and the last part is just a total bitching rant. :s

I really don't know what to do...I don't know who to talk to about this, in my opinion she sounds a bit off her head, but i'm hopeing there's some way to get her to calm down and sort it all in a mature way. :/ I hate not being able to see my boyfriend much just because of his mother!

They should have just let you leave, not make a big deal over it, and given you a few moments. I have noticed when this sort of thing happens, when people get this way they can go someplace by themselves, on their own free will and go through this process and then the mind starts to think of it's own conclusions and a lot of the time, on their own free will, they want to rejoin again. This reminds me of what happens when couples fight with each other, or families fight. They should all go their seperate ways on their own for a few and then attempt to rejoin when they start thinking they want to be with people again.

One suggestion I have although it's tough for many people, is apologizing. Even if you know someone else is wrong and contributed to the disagreement apologizing often puts you in a better position, makes you look like a better person than them. I apologize a lot. I know it makes me look like the better person and I am not perfect, but neither is anyone else but at least I can admit that by apologizing.

Thanks for both the comments! I wasn't sure if to reply to her letter and just agree with what she has to say to make the peace and make her leave it alone... or if to just ignore it and her and just carry on with my relationship?

My boyfriend's mom is "difficult" at best.
my being an aspie only exacerbates the situation.
Example: She is cold... really just icy scary and snarky.
I have no understanding of how to react to someone like this, well, i guess I'd blow off a regular person, but this is mother of the person i love, so i tried to figure it out. How to be human, when neither of us seem apt to doing so.
this sucks

Lizzie, if it were me and if I really wanted to stay with the guy I would just try to make peace with her, apologize, do whatever, and try to put the entire ordeal behind me quickly. If she brings it up after you have made amends just say "I don't think dwelling on this is a good idea."

Sounds like my mother.
Why would you go on a holiday with someone like that and if you didn’t know her then her son should have? I would never take my mother on holiday, not even alone.
Some more questions:
Was it just the three of you that went on the holiday?
People like that usually get their power from another person. It may be that she is getting her power from her son.
How much does your boyfriend know and understand about AS?
Some people just don’t get it, ever.
Maybe I’m projecting here but is there any chance she might be a narcissist and does her son know and understand this? If that’s the case then the best thing to do is to communicate with her as little as possible.

Yes I would appologize for my part and go on. No matter what people say one usually does "marry" the family. Depending on how close your finacee's family is will determine how much time you will end up dealing with her. There will be times he will want to visit her and special family occasions that will throw you two together.

I had a good MIL and miss her as she has been gone for years now. She never mettled and treated each inlaw decently and with respect whether she thought we were the right choice for her children or not. I wish her grandchildren could know her better. My baby girl will only have pics and stories.

It is hard to know the best response without seeing the letter, but here are some suggestions:

Apologize for not being able to behave well in that situation but also ask that she try to respect that you know yourself, you know your needs, and that the best way for you to prevent such incidences in the future will be to remove yourself from the situation so that you can sort yourself out. That she please understand it may get uncomfortable in the moment, but that you will be able to explain later, and that you would really appreciate her understanding.

Acknowledge that your condition makes things more difficult for her and her family, and you wish it wasn't so, that you feel bad about your boyfriend having to make accommodations for you, but that you also feel you have a lot to offer, and that if she is patient, she may come to see the balance of it more clearly. Note that you care a lot about her son and you would not choose to be with him if you felt you were only a burden to him, and you pursue this relationship because you know you can be positive for him, just perhaps in a different way than she might have expected. That if she tries to understand your differences, she might be able to see the positives for herself.

Tell her that you appreciate her patience and you love her son very much.

Of course, none of it may make a difference. Moms can be difficult, they have visions for their kids, and girlfriends that fall outside of that are difficult to accept. Still, the important thing will be that you will have said it, that you will pass the ball into her court, that you will have done the best you can. You do it for your boyfriend. Not for yourself, not for her. Because he deserves that you try the best you can.

What does your boyfriend say about all of this? If it were me, I would think twice about marrying him. It's one thing if the MIL is nasty. That's okay as long as your husband puts you first. But, if he defers to his mother, then you are in for tough times.

My MIL is one from hell too and she also never admits to her mistakes. She even had the nerve to tell me that my social skills sucked and I know for a fact they are fine (she said it because I failed to remember a friend of hers that I haven't seen in 2 years! gosh) The woman only cares about images and is extremely superficial. At least she doesn't interfere anymore but she also had it against me when I named my kids what I wanted to, and she didn't like the names. Too bad for her. The woman never cooked a meal in her life and is just a freak. There is a lot more about her but I won't bore you to death about the rest of it. I also wrote her a letter and it started off as nice but then the real stuff was said after. She never even opened it and gave it back to my husband. The issues with MIL caused a lot of friction between my husband and myself. And he knew damn well that she treated me like garbage and he never did a thing about it until he was forced to. But he is finally seeing her for who she is. She is also miserable and isn't doing anything to improve her life.. my husband felt sorry for her for a while which got to me but he is waking up about this, thank goodness. My husband does put me first but for a while he put me at the same level as her only because he was scared of her. But he has learned a lot over the years and I am glad because it would have caused some serious marital problems. My advice to you is to make sure you are put first, before his mother. And if he isn't strong enough to stand up to her like my husband was for a long time, then you have a lot of things to consider.