Censoring bad thoughts in your head

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Do you ever censor your negative thoughts? I mean – is there the total “freedom of speech” in your head even if you don’t express your negative (for example about killing or torturing someone, committing crimes) or controversial thoughts in public? Do you happen to be ashamed of what you sometimes think about because it’s for this or that reason inappropriate according to you? Do you take attempts not to think about some stuff?

I’m asking about this because once I read on some forum that one its user always used to let himself think about everything he wanted and wasn’t ashamed for his thoughts and his approach surprised me a bit because before I always thought it’s natural while this guy was writing about this like it was an extraordinary thing not everybody does. I would never be able to guess that people actually could experience embarrassment caused only by their not following the mainstream or cruel thoughts (cruel deeds following them is a different matter).

Yes, I do censor my thoughts. Mainly because I don't really like inappropriate things.

No, I do not censor my thoughts at all. I assume that people want to hear the truth or frank opinions secretly, even though they do not admit it. Most people get bored when all they hear is groupthink around them all the time and everyone being agreeable.

But then I usually get into trouble with whatever little social clique is trying to enforce groupthink in the environment. They take my freewheeling as some kind of threat to the community, as if it were an insidious thing.

The problem is that I am learning new verbal skills and I have found that in order to regulate my speech, I have to limit my thoughts. And the only really effective way to do that, from a software engineering perspective, is to preprogram blinders, dead ends and prejudices into your mind's landscape. This is how groupthink imposes its intellectual limitations on clique members, along with its behavior codes.

Perhaps when my verbal skills become more sophisticated, I can self-censor without having to do so by putting in intellectual limitations, or shuttering my thought.

edited to add: I reread your post and think I got it backward: I think speech censorship leads to intellectual limitation. that was not necessarily your point.

Last edited by ephemerella on 08 Dec 2008, 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't really censor my thoughts, but then again I don't really have a lot of cruel thoughts to begin with.

You could possibly have obsessive compulsive disorder. Having bad, distressing thoughts enter your mind and then trying to repress those thoughts is a symptom of OCD. I used to do that and I have OCD. For more information, search the web or check out this site- http://www.anxieties.com/ocd-more.php

Last edited by Isthisreal on 08 Dec 2008, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have AS and OCD................a balanced approach of neither censoring nor entertaining such attacking thoughts works well for me............banning just incites and entertaining is damaging.

Chris.

ephemerella, I've noticed the same thing. In order to lie well, I have to lie to myself, limit my own thinking and focus more on the lies than on my truth. Sadly, we have to brainwash ourselves to a certain extent to lie convincingly.

No, it wasn’t about me, it was only such a general example of what I meant by those “negative thoughts”. (But when I am angry at someone, thoughts of this sort are very entertaining ). The reason for starting this thread was my pure curiosity how it looks like in your case.

But that’s true I do have OCD tendencies , only tendencies, nothing more.

I have to do a certain amount of redirecting. If I get angry, I know that the thoughts that stem from the anger do need to be kept in correct perspective. Anger demands immediate action which is the last thing it should get. I also have the spikes associated with OCD. Fortunately I don't share in any noticeable way some of the other more crippling traits you tend to think of as being OCD, like fear of germs or extreme obsessive activity. But I have come to accept as routine the truly ugly thoughts that can arise... the suddenly image of the knife laying on the counter slicing into my skin, for example. I used to be more troubled by them, mind you, until I realized something. I'm not going to pick up the knife and cut my skin, or push my kid in front of a car, or jump from a bridge. If I happen to be in these dangerous places and see the ugliest possibility in a flash, I will grip my kid more firmly or make sure my feet are on solid ground, or put the knife into the sink. I know that part of the trouble of OCD is sometimes having to act upon the ugly thoughts, but as a mother, my milder OCD has served me well since I learned to channel it this way. It certainly keeps me sharp, which helps work against my raging ADD. It's amazing though. I hadn't realized until now that I was acting OCD instead of just thinking it. Again, not a severe case or I would have known it sooner.

But to the point, I wouldn't dream of letting my thoughts run full tilt to the conclusions they seek. I have a very vivid imagination and it flows like hot lava when it gets hold of something gruesome. If I let it just go instead of gentle redirection (because it's true, aggressively trying to halt the thoughts make them worse, probably due to the increase in stress. I've had moments where I wanted to claw at my head as if to tear a thought out) then I would have my mind running the course from a moment's pondering to all sorts of things... picturing people naked, seeing people cut to pieces, envisioning all sorts of truly sickening things happening to my kids, rapes, blood, gore... and curiously, the thing that limits me picturing the human body for a story or something else I'm trying to think up: calf muscles detaching from the bones. UGH! Every danged time I picture a leg. Bleah, that makes me queasy. Anyway, it sounds scary but it's my reality, in my head, if I fail to refocus. It's pretty routine these days. I have some pretty good mental resources built up.

So I guess some people can let their thoughts run freely. Personally, I don't consider it best for anyone, though. It suggests that nothing you think about is remotely wrong, and that thinking wrong things will never have any bearing upon your actions. If positive thinking can improve actions and outlook (I hear tell ) then letting ugly thoughts run can do the opposite. If I allow a sulk to go unchecked to the total self-pity stages, I feel the difference between that and when I tell myself it'll be better later. It takes a physical toll, and I'm more likely to shoot off my mouth at people than if I commit to riding it out without overreacting. I guess what I'm saying is, we have freewill as much inside our heads as outside, more so really, and choices within the mind are just as much ours as the choice to haul off and smack someone, and bind us just as much to consequences. It sounds like so much philosophy, but this has been my experience.

There was a lot of meaningful stuff in your entire post, but I just wanted to limit my response, so focus on the last part. I suppose I have the opinion that my thoughts, even if they are not all benign (some of them are really bitchy sometimes), will work themselves out if I let it. I.e. the things that make me feel mean are actual problems that I have that, if I let myself engage in the verbal behavior, observe myself and think about it, I will work out those things that are making me feel that way. I have new verbal skills and so I tend to view this as a work-in-progress that is quite recently begun project.

I get the feeling, from your post, that there is also a kind of responsibility and maturity in how to speak (think) in a more restrained way to be more constructive. Instead of there being a kind of "let the chips fall where they may, I'll speak my mind" sort of attitude that can get you started into things you don't want. But then, if you start doing that, don't you start assigning value to your ideas before they form? Like this kind of idea is better than that? Perhaps there is a way to make the verbalization of thought more selective, without imposing rules and assigning values to one's mind's contents?

I suppose there is an OCD aspect to not being able to control thoughts when they are unconstructive. I mean, if they have no constructive purpose, why have them at all? It's a kind of dysfunction in that case, and better to try to limit them instead of have their way with your mental voice.

Thanks.