Page 1 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

i_wanna_blue
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,113

20 Jan 2009, 1:10 pm

I ask this simple question, because despite its apparent triviality, it's a major source of distress to me.

Here's the reasons why:

- I walk with my head down, and I usually don't notice others.
- If I notice someone, I wont make direct eye contact.
- I'll will probably be nervous and thus mumble a greeting.
- I sometimes show a clear look of apprehension while encountering someone.
- I feel empty exchanging pleasentaries with people, especially strangers. It just feels weird, like I am forcing myself to do something which to me isn't natural.
- I usually make a fool of myself because I am so unsure of myself.

The reason why this has been so tough for me is that it is considered rude not to greet people especially your elders. I almost always avoided this distressing situation, but knowing that I did something (not greet) which is frowned upon, made me feel just as bad.

Fortunately over the years I have improved, but I am certainly not at the level of those around me. Does anyone have a similar problem? And I am wondering the procedure you use to greet others on a daily basis.



Sora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,906
Location: Europe

20 Jan 2009, 1:47 pm

Depends on what people.

My friends I'll always great noisy, loud and with a hug and lots of laughter.

If I meet an acquaintance I want to be good with I smile at them, make eye-contact, wave from far away if I can. Go over to them, may hug them if they do too and have a little chat. If we're in a hurry, I'll just say and 'I gotta call you' or 'you gotta call me'. Doesn't matter if that's actually true or not... but it signals: hey, I like you.

If it's just some acquaintance I may just nod and say hi. Smile of course, make eye-contact... maybe I do small talk, if I feel like it and if the other feels like it, but maybe I'll just go away then too. Without saying good-bye obviously. That would be rude, seriously... to just say 'hi' and 'bye'...

Since I'm kind of a rude person if I want to be, I may just not greet others whom I don't care about. But you got to be aware of that this really gets you in trouble with those people usually.

I do not ponder over reason or nonsense of these whole greeting rituals. I did none of this before. It's just something I learnt I got to do.


_________________
Autism + ADHD
______
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett


Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

20 Jan 2009, 2:25 pm

say "hello [whatever their name is]" when you do recognise them, that way when you miss them, they're less likely to feel insulted; even if it's not a 'typical' greeting, people will still appreciate that you acknowledged them: better to come across as friendly and shy than rude.

I find waving helps a bit too as I'm not great at remembering to smile.



pakled
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,015

20 Jan 2009, 2:48 pm

insert name, then 'how are you?' Works for most people. Depends on the situation, I suppose.



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

20 Jan 2009, 3:02 pm

I don't.

They greet me, or it stays apart (even then, I'm not the most socially giving person around).



DeLoreanDude
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,562
Location: FL

20 Jan 2009, 3:16 pm

I will say "hi", then "are you ok?" then... I will have no idea what to say!

It's rare I go up to people and say hi to them, though, there only few people who are exceptions.



garyww
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2008
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,395
Location: Napa, California

20 Jan 2009, 3:40 pm

I almost always have to let the other party make the first move, even if I know them fairly well and with strangers it is hard even when they do make the first move.


_________________
I am one of those people who your mother used to warn you about.


AmberEyes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,438
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live

20 Jan 2009, 4:26 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:

- I walk with my head down, and I usually don't notice others.
- If I notice someone, I wont make direct eye contact.
- I'll will probably be nervous and thus mumble a greeting.
- I sometimes show a clear look of apprehension while encountering someone.
- I feel empty exchanging pleasentaries with people, especially strangers. It just feels weird, like I am forcing myself to do something which to me isn't natural.
- I usually make a fool of myself because I am so unsure of myself.


That's me too.

I usually have to wait for someone (particularly strangers) to greet me first.
This is because I'm afraid and others have never really let me practice my greeting skills without giving me a ton of abuse. I was socially rejected by other children a lot when I was very young, so that probably has something to do with it. I was never really instructed step by step on how to do this either.

Since then, I haven't really had much opportunity to practice because I've been "snowed under" with studying.

I can say "hello" and greet someone if and only if I trust that person, am absolutely sure that the person isn't going to lash out at me (if that person looks lost and lonely for example), that person is a very close friend or relative.

When the other person does initiate the conversation for me, I always ask them how they are (because I genuinely care) and about their interests. This is because I've read books that have suggested focussing the discussion on the other person's interests. I have learned how to do this consciously mainly though trial and error. Once I get into the rhythm of the conversation I usually do pretty well (better than most normal people sometimes), that is until I let a comment slip or start inadvertently talking about the scenery and my own interests. I tend to find it easier to stay on topic if the person is talking about some object or some task rather than someone.

I can initiate if it's a formal request though or I need to ask the other person for advice or to do something for me. That can be planned and scripted.

There you have it. I've done Chemistry to Advanced Level, but I can't initiate an informal conversation with 99% of the human population. The irony isn't completely lost on me :roll:



lionesss
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Aug 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,305
Location: not anywhere near you

20 Jan 2009, 4:28 pm

If I know someone well, I will look at them and say "hi".. if I run into someone who I barely know or if I meet someone for the first time, I will say "hi, how are you (or nice to meet you)" but my eye contact in that kind of situation is quite poor. The more comfortable I am with someone, the more of a greeting they'll get from me.



Aspienoid
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 112
Location: Somewhere in Outer Space

20 Jan 2009, 4:42 pm

Here is a common encounter with a teacher, other adult, or someone I don't know well:

Other Person: "Hi, Aspienoid! How're you?

Me: (Nod head) (blush) Fine. And you? (Looking toward ground)

Other Person: (walks away) (tries to smile)

It always ends up awkward. I just don't know how to do it.


_________________
http://scarlet-tide.deviantart.com/

"With one good trait there is usually the sacrifice of another."


MONKEY
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

20 Jan 2009, 5:10 pm

With my best friends I greet them with enthusiasm and with a daft voice like "helloooooo theree how are things"

With aquatences or people I only know vaguley it's a different story. heres an example, Im talking to "bob"

Bob :Hi sophie

Me: hi, (says it quietly looks at floor twizzes feet around a bit, looks back up and coughs)

Me: um, how are... you?

Bob: fine you?

Me: yeah fine (stands there thinking of what to say)

They're usually the ones that come to me


_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.


jawbrodt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,766
Location: Eastern USA

20 Jan 2009, 5:11 pm

If it's someone I know, it's "Hey, what's up?", and if it's a stranger, it's usually just "Hello".


_________________
Those who speak, don't know.

Those who know, don't speak.


TheSpecialKid
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 432
Location: Denmark

20 Jan 2009, 5:14 pm

Aspienoid wrote:
Here is a common encounter with a teacher, other adult, or someone I don't know well:

Other Person: "Hi, Aspienoid! How're you?

Me: (Nod head) (blush) Fine. And you? (Looking toward ground)

Other Person: (walks away) (tries to smile)

It always ends up awkward. I just don't know how to do it.


Try making brief eye contact after "Fine"... (You could also make it look like you are doing so... :wink: )
And why the * do people keep asking how you are, if they don't want to know??
I get this all the time, and it's pretty annoying.. :!:



Greyhound
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Apr 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,191
Location: Birmingham, UK

20 Jan 2009, 5:14 pm

'Hello'.

Either that, or a smile (which sometimes doesn't even look like a smile as I have caught my facial expression in a mirror while smiling at someone and I do not look as though I am smiling).


_________________
I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept

Dodgy circuitry! Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome. Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia. Also: social and organisation problems. Heteroromantic asexual (though still exploring)


KingdomOfRats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK

20 Jan 2009, 5:38 pm

Danielismyname wrote:
I don't.

They greet me, or it stays apart (even then, I'm not the most socially giving person around).

same here.
am do not interact with anyone but those am have a routine with [eg,certain staff and close family],and am tend to go for those certain staff without thinking when they get in,usually dive to the floor and grab the legs or arms and hug the legs/arms tight or the less obvious greeting [for those do not like as much] get greeted back in makaton,TTS or memorized 'hello' if they're lucky.
am have been called rude by some ignorant agency staff for not greeting them,well they say am didnt but they dont seem to understand am rarely can do it in the ways they look for.,


_________________
>severely autistic.
>>the residential autist; http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.co.uk
blogging from the view of an ex institutionalised autism/ID activist now in community care.
>>>help to keep bullying off our community,report it!


McCann_Can_Triple
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 160

20 Jan 2009, 5:53 pm

I rarely if ever greet people first... unless it is someone in my family. (and even them sometimes I'll simply wait for them to notice)

Most of the time I'll do an akward grin that looks more like a grimance and mumble something along the line of "hey" or "hi".

On the other note... does anyone get freaked out when people are overly excited when they greet you? They make me want to run screaming.

"HI McCann!!1!! ! How are you doing???1!! IT is soooooooooo nice to see you!" *big huge grin* *hugs*

I tend to stare at them dully and mumble just enough to get the meeting over with.


_________________
QUOTE ME NOT

River: They say the snow on the roof is too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger. "

Hurley's mom "Jesus Christ is not a weapon."