My Past and Future....

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For better or worse, all of us are jumping head-first into the 21st century into uncharted territory. To me, the world looks ridiculously different than it did even as recently as 1995. Whenever I look around me or I go outside, the world hardly seems real to me anymore. I feel like a character in a computer game and all of the people around me(family included) are just robotic figures who periodically I have to go up and talk to if I need something or have to complete a "mission." It doesn't register in my brain that other people are humans too and they have their own emotions and personal thoughts. I guess because I know 99% of them are NTs I guess all they care about is blowing their paychecks on ridiculous consumer items that are unessential to our survival as man. Perhaps becuase I am aware of my fundamental differences with my "peers", I regard them in the same way I feel about dogs or furniture; just objects in the world that vanish when they are not in my line of sight.

When I was a little boy, I used to think that if I couldn't see something, than it didn't exist until I was again in it's proximity. I didn't realize that others had lives of their own, and I thought that the only purpose of even my parents was to raise and torment me, and I thought that God was testing me to see how well I could endure their pressure and wrath. In high school, my dad would have his police officer friend who worked security at the school "spy" on me so he could report to my dad how I was doing socially. When I was 16, my parents confronted me with the fact that they knew for the last two years that all I did was walk the halls with my head down and I talked to no one and had no friends and ate lunch by myself and was the biggest loser at school. My parents ordered me to change as if by the time I was 16 I suddenly had the power to become Mr. Popularity. They told me(which I believed), that my "untouchable" status was my own fault and I was CHOOSING to be an outcast.

After I graduated High School, my mother would ban me from the house from 8AM until 6PM and she told me that I could not come back in until I had found employment. For six months until I joined the military, all I did was walk around the city like Ignatius Reilly and I mabye applied at 13 total places over that time span(and of course none of these jobsites called me back!) I would park my truck(when I had money for gas) on a quiet parking lot and just listen to the radio or fall asleep until 6, and then I would go home and tell my mom that I had been to about 10 or so interviews. I really was terrified to death to actually have a job because of the social stress and I was too inept at interviews anyway to ever get hired.

This facade of looking for work went on for four months, until my mom was wondering why I wasn't getting any calls back from prospective employers. My dad did set me up with a job as a cashier at Jack In the Box; I worked there for about a week as a cashier, doing an inept job, until one day a black family came in and agitated me to the point where I bombarded them with a bevy of racial slurs(I am not racist, but I was just overwhelmed and stressed to the breaking point.) I was summarily fired, and back out on my fake job hunt. This time, though, my dad had his friend on the police force follow me around town and see just what I was doing all day, and he reported back that he had only see me get out of my truck to go into Subway and eat and I spent the rest of the day sleeping in the truck.

It was apparent by this time that all systems had completely ceased to function. I was gaining weight because I was eating fast-food every day when I was out of the house. I began to shut down and I neglected my interests, hygiene, and self-maintenace. My mother gave me an ultimatum and gave me two weeks to get out of the house and I would be living on my own. I knew deep down that I would be unable to actually live in an apartment and hold down a job, if I could even get one. I was staring homelessness and certain death in the face. Then, I realized that my last option was to join the Army, and soon I was on my way to my next Golgotha. In the long run, it was fortunate for me that the Army accepted me and four years later I was diagnosed with AS. If I had just kept on going the way I was, I can't even begin to imagine, what sort of fate I would have suffered, such as being immolated by rich, thrill-seeking youths in front of a 7-11.

Now that I am in my early-mid twenties, life seems to have turned itself on its head since those days. When I think about my harrowing life experiences, they don't even seem real and they feel like they took place 75 years ago. It doesn't even feel like I am the same person I was back then.

I don't think it is possible for anyone to even remotely grasp, at this point in time, the magnitude of the paradigm shift that we as a society are ready to experience. We are standing on the edge of the cliff with one foot dangling over the edge. The election of Barack Obama was the death blow to "Old-America", and within 20 years, we will be living in a world that we wouldn't even be remotely able to comprehend looking at it today. I am not yet sure how this uncertain and scary future will affect my own life but the main thing I am terrifed of is losing my privacy, security, and individuality. I am horrified at the thought of being "cured", lobotomy style. Whenever I am online, I can always see two eyes looking back at me as I go about my business(at the risk of getting overly Orwellian.) The masses of people are rushing ahead with their lives at light-speed into a black hole, the likes of which we might never be able to retrace our steps and come out of.

You're opening a can of worms.

America is in decline. What made America strong was the values it was founded on, both moral and political. The creation of the welfare state, ever increasing taxation, the mass consumer mentality, the "instant gratification" movement, and more have destroyed all the things that built America and made it a place for other people to want to immigrate to.

Our economy has collapsed...largely by design because the rest of the world hates the power and prosperity our values created. It is not going to get better. We will be reduced to a status quo with the rest of the world. Freedoms are disappearing because people want the government to care for them from cradle to grave rather than realize that real freedom requires the willingness to take care of yourself.