Where is my..... [Game]

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On the shelf, next to "How to wear pink slippers and still appear rugged" dvd.

Where is my box with candies?

I think you've almost certainly eaten them! The box as well....

Where is my Slow Cooker?

Ah no, I've actually eaten it instead, since I couldn't find the candies (or the box), and was in the mood for something metallic anyway....

Where is my garbage can?

You've never owned one - you just eat everything that other people would throw away!

Where is my psychiatrist?

He couldn't stand to hear you moan any longer so he eloped with his nurse to Mozambique and decided to change his profession and grow there turnips instead.

Where is my insurance policy?

It was programmed to self-destruct after a period of time, to prevent you making a claim. Premium non-refundable. Read the small print.

Where is my sense of rhythm?

Your sense of rhythm was given to some poor African orphan who gave you in exchange sense for melodrama.

Where is my sense for punctuality?

It tried to get out of town, but turned up late and missed its train. It will be back with you at 8-30 tomorrow morning (unless it's late!).

Where are my Kiwi fruits?

I gave it to that poor African orphan who was bestowed with your sense for rhythm.

Where are my bananas?

In your pocket

Where is my hamburger?

In your hands right now. Eat it before it goes cold!

Where are my sleeping pills?

Took yours by mistake - not that they are any good . . .

************

Where is the remote control?

It was only remotely interested and not under control, so I hit it with a sledgehammer and put it in the bin.

Where is my night of passion?

Your night of passion for watching snail mating rituals is on next Sunday at Manchester City Library.

Where is my copy of that blasted Lucretius' book?

It has reverted to its constituent atoms. That's in the nature of things.

Where is my brain activity?

Ummm according to latest EEG measurements you are in delirium!

Where is my pet pig Charlie?