If you could talk to yourself when you were a kid...

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I would say:
"Michel, you are such a beautiful and special child, people treat you like this because they don't understand the situation, and ignorance leads to contempt, it's a way for them to protect themselves from the unknown. You have such a brilliant and busy mind, explore it and embrace it. I'll be here always right by your side to guide you, to encourage you, and to protect you. I love you."

I wouldn't give advice, because I know he wouldn't listen -- just do research and make up his own mind. That's why I love that kid, anyway, I'd expect nothing less.

I might just drop a couple books that could illuminate things a little, and show him how to hurt less.

"Hello me, meet the real me...
and my misfit's way of life"

Erm...

Assuming I could get myself to listen, I'd say this:-

1 Be nicer to people. It's surprisingly easy to lose friends.
2 Be much more open. Don't get in the habit of covering everything up, that's a problem not a solution.
3 Don't start smoking, it's a really stupid habit.
4 Try to keep your options open - maybe do several part-time jobs or go temping, and don't get into debt. Work stops being fun the moment you HAVE to earn all of the money, and it's easy to get trapped doing something you don't like.
5 You're a better person than you think you are. People will understand you better if you talk about things. Write notes if you can't say what you need to say.
6 Slow down on slippery autumn roads, or your first car will be written off.
7 Don't spend £4k buying the step-nose Giulia Sprint GT, it will cost you a fortune in garage bills. Save up for a restored 2000 GTV, it will cost less in the long run.
8 Seek help for your depression, and make sure it is taken seriously. You are in more trouble than you think.

If I were that kid, I'd think, 'Hey, I get to grow up all right. It might be a rough journey, but this guy[?] seems to have ironed out enough kinks to come across as a really nice bloke with a gentle sense of humour.'

That 'Seek help for depression ... you're in more trouble than you think' line is what really nailed it for me. So very absolutely completely freaking true. WHERE WERE THEY?

You know, for me, it is there in plain sight in the photographs. That alienation goes back all the way. That happy holiday snap featuring the whole extended family? There I am, scowling. Whatever made them think everything was all right??? I can remember thinking the best way to gain acceptance was to show anger, criticism, negativity. 'What are you looking at?' I can only rationalise now that maybe this was in response to trying the other stuff and it hadn't worked! And I suppose then at some level the negativity did work to gain acceptance of a kind: I became the person who would speak the unpalatable truths that others would not utter; the warrior for justice on behalf of the downtrodden; the adopter of unpopular causes. You can gain a certain respect for that. You can also lose a lot of friends - yes, indeed they are 'surprisingly easy to lose'...

As i'm rarely listen, i talk to myself a high voice...at least i listen an answers myself Right now but when younger i dosent talk to me too much

me too.

1) Don't start smoking. You're not going to fit in no matter what you do.

2) Ditto pot.

3) Your father is smarter than you think he is. Same goes for you.

4) I don't care how smart they think you are. Screw the college track-- go to trade school. You can always figure out the college stuff later-- and you'll have a skill while you do it. If you're really as smart as they say you are, learning college-level English and Trigonometry on your own won't be that difficult. GO TO TRADE SCHOOL!! !

hi

Last edited by LostUndergrad9090 on 24 Oct 2011, 1:15 am, edited 2 times in total.

I can't really think of anything that would have helped or made things better except maybe if I could have been home schooled.

I'd tell him to take better care of his health, like preventing bent spine caused by lying on one side only when reading, to blow the nose more gently (spare the ears). That masturbation isn't a sin but be gentle with it...

I'd also tell be more patient with people, think everything twice before you do or say something. Just be nice with girls, don't be afraid of them so much. Be better at clothing and personal hygiene.

I guess I would chase my younger self to hell with these "advices"...

So, as it was alluded before, I'd just give a long loving hug to my younger self, and wish the best... Or, if I had time, I'd play with him.

Don't be so secretive. It's not your fault. It is wrong. If it wasn't, why would they tell you not to tell anyone?

Your mum is sick, she needs help. You need some help too. Don't forget your bear. You don't have to be the one to hold it all together. Let someone hug you, it's stressful, and makes you want to bite them, and scratch them... but if you just hold on a little while you'll start to get why people like hugs. Then maybe I won't end up so clingy! Also, you're not gay, you're a boy. Sort of. It's complicated. Google it. You'll know what that means when the time is right.

Stop telling people the plague. Stop telling people trivia, I know you're genuinely excited about it and you want to share it but they don't want to hear it. Start wearing hats. Start exercising. I know you fall over a lot - oh, that's part of dyspraxia, by the way you have that - but it'll be worth it in the long run. Super Sayians aren't real.

And, you know what. You're beautiful. And you're so tremendously intelligent. Once you have something to type with instead of write you'll find you're an excellent communicator. You can write. You're not useless. But, you'll never get good at mental maths. That is a pointless crusade. Finally, talk to people you silly, silly thing.

I'd reassure myself that I was right.

This is a very good question, Starr. I did pretty well in life, all things considering. Still, I might have a couple of small pieces of information and advice.

First, I would explain the autism spectrum to my younger self. I would explain the systemizing and empathizing variables and where I was on it. Then I would say, "So, when people take you aside and tell you how smart you are, but you come off as arrogant, this is why that's happening. All the times you crack what you think is a funny joke, and it falls flat, this is why. All the times you will get asked why you did something by a boss who is on the edge of firing you? This is why. These things will happen. But you need to know your limitations and be careful of them.

Second, I would explain that the sense of disconnection is natural due to these same factors. You will never really hold onto people or friends. Family? Yes. Friends? No. But this is alright.

Third, this is a heritable factor. It's why your eldest brother is as he is and why your father is as he is. No big deal. (Of course, I really never thought letting people be themselves was a big deal anyway.)

Fourth, I would also explain about migraines. I would go into the symptoms of the aura and explain that men often have what is known as silent migraines, never getting the headache part. I would mention the heritage on both sides of the family and explain that the younger me will not be turning into a vampire in my thirties.

Fifth, just because you are different does not mean you need to accentuate the differences. While there is no true need to blend in, there is also no need to stick out even further.

Sixth, Allergies to gluten, wheat, and rice can cause the following symptoms...

Of course, any such encounter with one's earlier self would destroy one's current reality and self, unless it has already happen. Or perhaps it would create a double loop, à la H. Beam Piper's short story Hunter Patrol.

That is beautiful - should be in a book of poetry. (is it?)
as for me,
I would tell her to be strong, that she is all right, not to
be scared, that I will be there to hold her hand through
all the hard things to come, and that someday, we will
go home together.

I would tell myself "stay away from the man with the candy and the van..."

Just kidding, I would have joined the air force out of high school. I wanted to be an astronaut, instead I designed model rockets for a while:
http://ipaperus.ipaperus.com/QuestAerospace/Catalog/

Not quite the same...

Last edited by shrox on 05 Nov 2011, 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

So many things, so little space. On that basis, I've written it in a sequential numbered list, but in age order, based on my age at the time that I'd have liked to have been able to provide counsel to a younger Aspie_SE10:

1(aged ~8): those kids who are bullying you at school for being good at mathematics and science? There are three of them [who, for these purposes, we'll call A (Andrew), B (Bryan) and C (Chris)]: A will be in prison aged 19, B will massively change and become a vicar and C will go on to become a PE teacher and, unusually, B and C you'll become friends with at university.

2(aged ~11): your new boarding school in Dunblane looks like a prison, but it isn't. The fences are to keep others out, not you in. Also: your new found love of rugby will help you in the future but you've got to work on it but when the school rugby coach announces training twice a week, don't suggest three times a week instead.

3(aged 14): the divorce your parents are getting has been on the cards for years and despite what you might think, and be implied by your parents, you're not to blame.

4(aged 15): there's a girl in your CCF group called Laura Wellington: you think it's a bit weird that she wants to do remedial physics with you, especially given that she's very, very good at it. You're an idiot. She's into you, and you're not going to notice until you're about 25 and she's living overseas.

5(aged 17): you've done well and two of the university entrance exams you should be taking at 18 you're taking at 17. Stop for a minute and congratulate yourself. In July this year (1987) you'll get an A and an A* in your mathematics and further mathematics A-levels.

6(aged 18): you've spent the last year concentrating on A-level physics, chemistry and biology and you've now taken them. When, in six weeks, you realise you got a grade E in chemistry and thus you've utterly fcuked up your possibility of getting in to medical school do NOT panic. Instead, take a year out, concentrate solely on a retake of A-level chemistry and enter aged 19.

...I'm sure there's more but these are a mere six to be going on with.