Diagnosed with AS, but one thing I read about doesn't fit.

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Hi, I've been a member for a while but just began posting. I have been diagnosed with Aspergers at 44, and much of my life questions are at least clearer now. I wish however, it was diagnosed 30 years ago. Some things would have been different.
Anyway, one thing I read about, is the friend thing. It doesn't match to me, as I've had many friends over my life. I have some I've had since a child who I still vacation with each year, and several from my 3 main jobs over the years that I still connect with. Many have been either musicians (like me), computer pro's (like me) or collector types (like me). But we are true friends and see each other often. Does that mean that my diagnosis is off, or that just a part of my AS isn't as it seems? I will say that some issues developing intimate relationships have been an issue, but I'm not sure it's just because I'm no George Clooney look alike. I've had girlfriends and am in the middle of a divorce, but never met a girl in a bar or pick up environment. All relationships have been initiatated thru familair environments (school, work, friends) and after some casual interaction. Would this variation point away from AS?
Thanks.

An AS diagnosis suggests that you have some form of impairment making new friends, but if you are persistant, lucky, or adaptive in HOW you make friends, or you make friends with people who are more likely to be patient with AS behavior, it's certainly possible to have made many friends over one's life, yes? Especially at 44 years old.

You mention that you are "true" friends, which makes me suspect you don't cast off friends easily. You are probably very selective about who you call friends, and take those friendships very seriously. I also suspect that you consider those relationships hard-won; that you appreciate the value of your relationships would be consistant with someone who has experienced difficulty in forming these relationships.

So no, I wouldn't say having formed and maintained some solid friendships over your lifetime would exclude an AS diagnosis. But if you have good friends despite social difficulties, it shows you're dilligent about your relationships. Are you the sort who can walk into a room of strangers, shake a few hands, flash a smile, and make friends with lots of people - all without raising a sweat? Now THAT might make you question an AS diagnosis. ^_-

I think it means you have some social difficulty in some area, but it doesn't always mean you have trouble making friends. It could mean that you have trouble making conversation with people who are completely unlike you, such as your cousin who's a stock broker, for example. . . I mean the social difficulties can be situational.

Maybe you're friendly and have friends, but at work, people get mad at you for "being stuck-up" because you don't make enough eye contact or you forget to say hi to everyone you walk past.

Or it could mean that your close friendships are what other people would consider casual friendships; this seems to be true for a lot of aspies. You'll think someone's your best friend and then they make some passing reference to how they have fun hanging out with you, but they don't know you very well because you're so "mysterious", "guarded", "secretive", or whatever.

My therapist (the one who first suggested AS) explained something interesting about friendships. Most people have a few close friends and a larger number of "activity partners" - people you hang out with because you share common interests. Sometimes aspies have only activity partners and they think these are close friendships, while close friendships are something else entirely to most people.

Anyway, in your case, it could be anything - hard to tell over the Internet!

I think that even some NT's can have some AS traits that make them more tolerent of AS behaviors and some NT's are just more tolerant in general. They actually enjoy diversity in people. I also think that sharing common interests can make a huge difference in your ability to become friends. Do you find that your friends tent to lean more to the AS or NT in general traits? All of my relationships have been with other people who shared a lot of AS traits and may have been AS themselves. My main obsticle in making friends has been my need for solitude as most of my personal interests are not social in nature (discussing collectiosn, music or computer issues) are things that can bond a relationship. My interests tend to be in the area doing things(reading,collecting,biking,crafting) and not in talking about these things. I would rather read to learn them talk about them...I don't verbilize well, so it just becomes frustrating for them and me.

Not at all!

I have plenty of friends, but like you they're all my 'true', 'close' friends. Not many of them know I have AS but they just accept my quirks as part of me, and a few of them have often laughed with me about things I do that are actually part of the AS (they just don't realise) and told me how much they love that I do them because it makes me, me!! The ones who do know about it just asked a few questions what it was at first but have never mentioned it again and it certainly hasn't changed anything, to be honest I doubt many of them even remember or think about it unless I do something overtly AS (like have a panic attack or something, or get super stressed and start stimming or something), and even then it's more "Why don't you go outside and have a drink of water or something? It's all good, I'll cover for you...".

I tend to make friends easily as I'm a very outgoing person, I just find there's only my core group who I really see a lot and who I bother with usually. I'll keep in touch with everyone else and we'll go for a drink every now and then, but it's my close group I have the most time for and who I love to bits. And they're my true, close, best, life-long friends. I find new situations difficult and I find new people difficult in big groups, but it doesn't mean you can't have friends or make them or keep them by any means!!