Aspergers: Learning to fake feelings and emotions.

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Aspergers people find it hard to express emotions and feelings. They must learn to fake their feelings and emotions and present the suitable feelings and emotions for the right situation. Society expects people to express the right feelings and emotions at the right time. There are rules in society that everyone must obey to be regarded as normal and fit in with societal norms.

NTs can easily feel the appropriate feelings and emotions by instinct. A person with Aspergers needs to learn to express the right feelings and emotions to appear normal. A person with Aspergers can not naturally express the right feelings and emotions and the right situation.

Aspergers can study others. Learn through trial and error how to express the right feelings and emotions at the appropriate times.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 on 08 Jul 2011, 9:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

This is what I had to do. In some ways I'm better off for it, but in other ways it's not so great, like the fact that if you do this often enough (because you have to) it leaves a hollow tang inside. Fun becomes a foreign concept, mainly because you need to have real emotions in order to have fun. Caring about others also becomes difficult, I mean genuinely caring about others. It's a tricky line to cross. Going back and forth on it can be tough to navigate. I'm not sure if I recommend it.

Some days I am capable of having real emotion. and my happiness will show with a real smile.

Some days, if I am happy, I can fake a smile but it is obviously fake and it annoys me that I feel like I have to do it.

I guess it depends on how much you want to WORK to fit in with people.

I think you have to find where you are comfortable. For me, it means limiting my friends and not trying to fit in when it doesn't matter. When it's important, for a job or for my children, I try harder.

What Mindslave said.

I can fake some emotions and such, but I can't do it for too long.......takes too much effort to be honest so as a rule people just have to deal with me as I am whether they like it or not.

This really isn't specific to Asperger's syndrome or the autism spectrum, and NTs actually probably fake emotions more. Here are some key terms from social psychology and sociology:

• Emotion work
• Emotional labor
• Surface acting
• Deep acting
• Emotional self-regulation

For example, you're going to the funeral of a friend's relative, but you never met this relative. You may be in a good mood that day, but when attending the funeral, you're expected to show a somber demeanor out of respect for the deceased's family and friends. You probably wouldn't be expected to show the level of grief of a spouse or child; in fact, bawling during the services would be inappropriate for you. Still, you probably shouldn't be cracking jokes or talking sports even if you're in a pleasant mood. Likewise, emotional regulation means that, if someone insults you or does something that annoys you, you can't let your anger make you punch them in the face.

I don't think NTs always show how they really feel; they go with the socially appropriate emotion most of the time whether they genuinely feel it or not.

On the other hand, psychopathic adults and children with conduct disorder with callous/unemotional traits are known to "sham emotions" and not really feel anything deeply. Specifically, psychopaths exhibit a general shallowness of affect, meaning a general lack of emotion spiked with brief, dramatic displays of emotion that seem intended for manipulative effect; psychopaths are also known to be glib and superficially charming, meaning they will use flattery and a superficial appearance of friendliness to get what they want. Psychopaths are also considered callous, lacking in empathy, unconcerned with the feelings of others, and specifically lacking in feelings of guilt or remorse when they harm others. Irritability is considered a diagnostic criterion of antisocial personality disorder. The psychopath's "deficient affective experience" is far beyond NTs' emotional work and any emotional/social difficulties people with Asperger's syndrome have, though.

I think it depends on the level of work that is required in order for a person to display an emotion they are not feeling on whether or not they should fake it. For an NT, they may have this skill more naturally, and it takes less energy to accomplish it. But if they are grieving the loss of a loved one, and had to fake happiness, it would naturally be harder for them.

So the amount of work an NT compared to an ASD having to fake the same emotion may not be the same. For an Aspie, it may require more work than it is worth. If it causes stress, exhaustion, etc it may be better to not to do it. If it's important, like a funeral, then the work and headache it causes would be worth it.

So, it's not an all or nothing issue. Learning the skill is beneficial, but not necessary to do at all times I think.

I don't try... I just tend to consider it absurd that I should have to fake something to please others, and be putting on a constant act.
But then, I don't have any particular desire to 'fit in' with others, given the way most others tend to behave.

I can do a little faking here and there. Perhaps faking reactions, like showing more empathy then I care to. But then when I try to all out fake something, I start to choke on my words and I start stuttering because Im too busy trying work on my facials and vocal tones.

f**k society! I used to care what people think but now I tell them to deal with, I go through hell every single day, I don't need s**t from other neurotypical sons a b*****s!