I'm looking for an FTM I can talk to

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I would like to PM an FTM (it doesn't have to be just one!) because I'm having struggles with my gender identity and I'm not sure if I should attempt to transition or not. I'm not trying to date anyone--I just want more in-depth help understanding myself. Usually in other cases people automatically agree that I am male or are extremely against me attempting to transition. I feel like if I talked to an actual FTM I may get a better understanding of what it actually means to be a transgender man.

Not an FTM here, but I do hope you get the support you need. *hugs*.

I have no idea, I need advice from an FtM too.

I'm not FtM, but ftmguide.org is an excellent website I found while looking into it. It goes more in-depth into different aspects of transitioning and stuff. It helped me to kind of see what transitioning would actually be like. Which is why I ended up figuring out I'm genderqueer instead.

I don't think someone FTM can tell you what's right for you. The best advice I got from one is that if you feel like a gender other than the one you were born into, then you are who you say you are. I'd suggest self-research, maybe with a therapist as well.

The problem is my therapist is a graduate student who has apparently done some shady things (she took my consent form allowing my parents to know about my case out of my file), and I don't think she's specialized in ASD or gender issues.

I will try that website if my computer lets me. And thanks, everyone, for the support!

I'm sad to hear.

Yes! The website works! Thanks for the support, everyone.

Hi... fancy meeting you here. You can talk to me if you want.

You're welcome.

I do not currently identify as FTM, but I did at one point in time; that should immediately make you cautious.

I went through feeling like a boy and being convinced I was a boy when I was very young...then through a period of time where I just preferred dressing like a boy, but didn't feel like I WAS one...then I went through about three years of a girly stage...followed by my most intense stage of what I would call gender dysphoria, which lasted about three years. I was absolutely convinced that I was transgendered, and became loathsome of the idea that other people saw me as female. I came out to my mother and began to see a therapist. While nice, she didn't really know much about gender identity issues, and I eventually stopped seeing her because I couldn't afford it. I eventually stopped having feelings of gender dysphoria, and have happily identified as a very awkward girl for the last six years. I will sometimes have little pangs of jealousy of boys when I'm not feeling entirely girly, but this rare.

I'm sharing this because, as aspies, I think we have to be extra cautious in dealing with gender identity issues. It's common for people with Asperger's to stray from gender conventions and to not always feel like one gender or another. I would find a therapist who is qualified in both ASDs AND gender identity issues, if possible.

One thing to consider is the consistency of your feelings...has there ever been a break in your certainty that you were truly male? If so, did the changes in your gender identity have anything to do with outside stressors? I was molested during my the stretch of time that I identified as fully female, and this caused me an enormous amount of stress; I went through the three years of identifying as FTM right after.

If you can say that you've consistently felt as if you were in the wrong body, that it's honestly stressful to be in a female body and to be seen as one (I would lie and tell my therapist that I HATED my period, so much that it caused depression...but that was not true. I didn't really mind it any more than a typical female), and if you can successfully live as a male for at least a year (a requirement before starting physical or hormonal transition), then I think you should certainly consider it. Although my GID was caused by my Asperger's and a traumatic event that occurred because of my femininity, my feelings during that time were very real, and I know how painful it can be. Just be sure that you KNOW.

I am an actively transitioning FTM, and I agree with fragileclover. There is a chance this could be just a phase. You seem to want to ask questions to make sure what this is all about which is good.

If you are not sure, you have to discuss these feelings with a gender therapist. You should never transition in anyway until you feel 100% absolutely sure this is what you want. Therapists can help see where your feelings come from. These feelings might come a traumatic experience like fragileclover's or it might come from a legitimate conflict between your body and brain. That is why you need to see a good gender therapist and non-gender therapist.



Very wise. One should never date until they have matured to the point that not much will change. Young people never usually stay with each other because they are still just discovering themselves. I won't date until I am done with the transition.



I would like it if we talked about this in the forums (if you don't feel comfortable with this then PM me). The reason being that other gender questioning people could be looking at these forums for further clarification.

What it means to be a transgendered man (or a transman) to me:

A person who is transman is a person who feels significantly at odds with their female body. This pain can range from spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, some of these characteristics, or all of the above. These feelings often manifest at a young age. Young children have gender-neutral bodies so these feelings usually are not intense until puberty or teenage hood.

I am a more extreme case of transgenderism. As in, it was so extreme that I had to transition to save my sanity and life. If I didn't start to transition three years ago, I wouldn't be here. Keep in mind that people have had cases far less extreme than mine and have successfully transitioned. So here is my case:

I first said I was a boy when I was four years old. I actively said this all throughout early childhood. These feelings were never explored because it was secondary to the concerns of my autism. Then I hit thirteen years old and started puberty. Most people, when starting puberty, are excited with their new changes. I was horrified. I mutilated myself. I wore sweaters in 100 degree Fahrenheit weather to hide the fact that I had breasts. I wore clothing two sizes too large so I could hide.

Sometimes, to this day, I flashback to the point that I started to develop. I have panic attacks. Puberty was so traumatic for me that I have a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder associated with it.

My dad forced me to wear tight fitting girl clothing. It was too the point I couldn't take it anymore and had a mental breakdown. To this day, I cannot hug him or even really talk to him, because I feel he hurt me so badly. When I had a mental breakdown I said "I am a boy" over and over. In response, my dad threatened for me to take estrogen to make me "feel like a girl". I almost didn't recover but I did, and I went to college a broken person.

In college, away from my father, I talked to my counselor about my feelings of being born into the wrong body. I was given the diagnosis of "gender identity disorder". I was hanging by a thread about to have another mental breakdown. The LGBT center recommended I tried wearing a binder and to cut my hair shorter and see how I feel.

Being transgender has been my own personal salvation. I don't consider myself necessarily a "transman" but rather a man who has the transgender experience. Typing this, my throat tightens up with emotion as I recall how awful it was before my transition.

You can be a successful transgender and not do any surgery or testosterone. For example, I already am seen as male without hormones or surgery. If you saw me on the street, you would think of me as a freshman in high school. Also, most transmen do not get bottom surgery. Some transmen do get chest reconstruction surgery in cases where they are at odds with their chest. I will be having one this August. And I know I won't regret it.

Further to what fragileclover said: I was molested quite a few times growing up. The last time it happened, I was at university and I had a period of gender dysphoria from that. It was horrible. Before then, I'd usually felt mentally and spiritually in between the genders but I was okay with being physically female. For a period of about a year when I was 18-19, I hated it. I'm now back to the way I was before.

Whatever you decide to do, diniesaur, you've always got a place here you can find support.

hey,

i'm a currently transitioning ftm, have been transitioning since mid-2010 and for me personally it's been the best thing i've ever done.

however, i went through several phases before finally going ahead.

when i was a kid growing up i knew that i was different (turns out i'm different in more ways than one lol!). i didn't want to do what the girls did, and although i liked to play with girls, i often used to get elft out because i would end up ruining their pretend play by getting stressed out if they re-arranged my perfectly arranged toys. my parents bought my dolls and houses and cars to play with...but i spent most of my playtimes either making them fight, copying scenes off tv programmes or putting each tiny piece of the dollhouse set i had (over 300 pieces) in the exact right place. playing improv with the girls was not my strong point or my fave way to play.

when i was older i insisted on having my hair short and buying clothes only from the boys' section. this led to a lot of bullying, verbal and physical in school (around age 13). when i was 17, after some teenage years of trying to pretend that i was happy with what my body was doing (puberty) and trying to be the most girliest girl ever...i hit a deep depression, so bad that i literally couldn't get out of bed at all.

i had my hair cut short again, the way i wanted it and started wearing the clothes i felt comfortable in again. i went back to college on a course that was below my level just to see if i could do it, get back into society. the bullying struck again. at first look, people assumed i was a boy and treated me as such, then when they saw my chest and found out i was a 'girl' i was an easy target. i dropped out again and entered into a depression.

by this time my parents had divorced and both had met new partners. i was living with my dad and his now-wife (:D) and they didn't know how to help me. my step-mum was the one who ultimately helped me. she treated me the same as she treated her own kids, with my little differences (i'm actually surprised she put up with my 'strange obsessions and compulsions such as only eating with certain cutlery and having a mini-tantrum if this wasn't possible...her kids were younger and she hadnt dealt with an older child before (i was still 17 at this point...but she stood by my dad and his weird kid).

she sat down with me and told me that i was allowed to do anything that made me happy...anything at all. after all the experiences of bullying i'd been through i didn't believe her. but i tried to be like her. i figured maybe before when i went through a girly phase i'd been doing it wrong. so i bought clothes like hers, i got her to teach me how to do my make up and hair properly and as much as i loved the time and effort she put into helping me, it still didn't feel right.

i was having trouble with my real mum, so i decided to go away for a bit and stay with my grandparents. i went to college to do my A levels and on the course i studied psychology. i loved it, and had found my passion. but another thing from that year at college was that part of the course taught us about transsexuals. during the first lesson i thought what a load of bull. no-one can do that...it's not possible. then i went home and researched it. i watched youtube video after youtube video, learnt all the terms (ftm etc) and identified with the plight they were all sharing. i had found what was wrong...i wasn't just a boyish-girl, i was a boy...and i needed some medial help to make my body show this.

from then i came out to my parents who were fully supportive and who both said it made perfect sense. i've been so much happier and after a period of time on JSA i found my first job as the real me (which i still have) i got a place at college (where i still am) and i've been accepted at university to study the subject i love.

for me, transitioning has been and continues to be an amazing part of my life. i#m excited for april 30th (when i hopefully get prescribed testosterone to start the physical changes) i dream of th day i can walk along the beach topless and feel like myself.

i know this post is long, but for me, it's the best thing i've done. obviosly everyone is different, and perhaps, like i did, you need to experiment more with your gender identity and see what makes you happiest.

I'm about 18 months into transition, and 10 months on hormones. I have an atypical trans story, in that I didn't really profess to be a boy when I was a child. I thought I had to be a girl. I didn't feel right as a girl, but I didn't realize "oh, maybe I'm a boy."

My mom was always comparing me to her best friend's daughter, who was close to my age. I spent a period of my childhood trying to act girly for my mom, so that she'd stop making me feel bad for not being like her friend's kid.

While I was still a girl, I identified as a lesbian. I knew I liked women from the age of 7. I never subscribed to female social conventions, never liked wearing makeup, though I did sometimes. I rarely wore a dress. When puberty hit, I was mortified and didn't like what was happening to my body, which led me to develop an eating disorder.

But still throughout all this, I never realized "oh, I'm male."

I think the reason why it took me so long to realize it was because I had experienced some physical and sexual abuse growing up, and I learned to dissociate myself from my body. I am working in therapy to reconnect with myself, because I still don't know how I feel about a lot of things.

Finally around the age of 26, it occurred to me like a flash. I realized that I was miserable and that I really felt male inside. I started putting together the pieces of my life and it all added up to wanting to transition. I started seeing a therapist to make sure it was the right decision. I started attending a transgender support group and met other trans men. I talked to both my therapist and the people at the support group in length about transitioning.

I cut my hair, started binding, and started dressing in male clothing. All of the sudden I was feeling better. It felt like I had been acting my entire life, and I was finally starting to be myself and not have to act any more.

But maybe 4 months after that, I got scared. My family wasn't very receptive to me being trans, and I was afraid of the cost and being rejected by friends. So I stopped binding, and started presenting myself as sort of gender queer. The misery returned though, and again I felt like I was acting, hiding myself.

So after about a month of soul searching, I again began presenting as male. 4 months after that, I saw an endocrinologist, and talked to him. He decided I was a good candidate for hormones, and I started hormone therapy.

I have never since doubted my decision. I am so much happier now. People say I am more approachable. I feel more like me, and I like myself more. Every time I am called 'he', 'him', 'sir', or any male pronoun, I at first felt amazing, like I didn't have to hide any more, and now that I've been passing as male for at least 6 months, it just feels right. Like I shouldn't be called anything else. When people call me 'she', it feels weird.

What I would advise you to do if you want to know if transitioning is right for you, is to explore this as much as you possibly can. Cutting your hair and binding are both reversable changes you can make. Hair grows back, and binding can change the shape of your breasts, but only after a long period of binding. Find an LGBT centre, at your school or in your community. Get the people there to start calling you 'he' and by a male name. See how that feels. Find a counsellor.

I am open to PMs, if you want to PM me. I will answer questions as well as I am able to. In the end, the only person who can tell you if transitioning is right for you is YOU, but talking about it can help you uncover your own feelings.

I feel like I like/identify with your argument, but... I don't see why one needs to be cautious about assuming GID about the self, I think it's a healthy exploration of one's identity. I haven't had any intervention for GID yet, and I know that there's a lot of pressure in the trans community to operate/take hormones. One should be careful of the latter because of health consequences. But I don't see the problem in altering one's body surgically, I think it should be available to everyone, even if they're NOT trans and they're just struggling with that body part (there's a name for that), or are just body dysmorphic. And I feel like there's nothing harmful in referring to yourself by a different gender to your sex, even for a while. I know others who did, and stopped, as well.