Why do people have sex outside of marrige?

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Yup...some of the things people say are selfish....I once heard somebody say that it's selfish not to have kids too.

As for the OP's question, I guess the answer is "why not?"

Because sex is good and marriage is nothing more than a contract. And one doesn't necessarily needs the other to function.
Unless you are religious, there's no reason for marrying. A domestic partnership should be enough.

Premarital sex is nothing new. The Western World did not invent premarital sex.



Orgasms!



Again, nothing new. What's with Abstinence Only Sex Ed in public schools?! Back in the good ol' 1950's when misogynists are so certain everything was better, girls were still getting pregnant out of wedlock as teens, they just had drop out of high school to get married or give the baby up for adoption. So during eras when prudes believe morality was the mainstream, abstinence certainly wasn't being practiced like it is being fondly remembered.



I understand it and I admit that I'm only confused by your confusion.



It's acting on chemical attraction to another human being with instinctual mating behavior that we have evolved into being an emotionally and physically pleasurable experience. There's nothing crazy, insane, new or irresponsible about it. It's pretty simple. The average human male mind thinks of sex several times every day and I believe the average female mind is capable of the same. Check out http://www.kinseyinstitute.org to learn more statistics and facts.

I can't understand why anybody would choose to wait until marriage to have sex.

We could just be getting too inept to keep relationships in a lot of cases? It wouldn't surprise me.

Then again I guess I'm thinking of that more in terms of why have it outside of a committed relationship - providing obviousely that they are committed to keeping procreation in their control. That I understand, however going out for one-nighters on a regular basis though, I know people who do that and I can't really relate.

There is a number of reasons, but the very fact you are even asking this question demonstrates how niave you are about modern adult relationships.
People have sex outside of marriage because it allows them to understand compatibility with a future partner. The whole no sex before marriage thing is an out of date standard that is something that is in highly patrairchal societies where women are seen as playthings, property or pets. It is where women's worth was placed on thier sexual purity, not on their humanity.

It is also completely outdated for modern life and extremely restricting.

Marriage is nothing more than a legal formalization of a relationship. In fact it is best for society to see it as nothing but that for the most part.

Because of the fact that humans are a sensual species, and that sex, when done well, is appealing to all five senses. The fact that if precautions are taken, you're in no more danger than you are when just driving a car (condoms are usually very effective, despite pseudo-scientific myths that are still being perpetuated. If you have any doubts, just try breaking an unexpired condom... you can shove your fist and part of your arm into one, and then spread your fingers before it will break). The fact that enjoying sex doesn't make someone a bad or shallow person. I have no reason to believe that there is anything unethical about consensual sex outside of marriage, or that marriage creates some sort of holy magical explosion via a PIECE OF PAPER so that sex is suddenly not a no-no anymore. Sorry, superstition isn't my thing.

I agree with almost everything you say -- the one caveat is that condoms don't stop genital warts, if they are on areas outside of the condom. Other than that, completely agree.

You're right, and it's the same for herpes. That's why it's a good idea to look.

I don't agree that marriage is "just" a legal contract-
it's obviously quite meaningful and sacred to a lot of people.

That being said,
not everyone desires marriage,
and not everyone has the largely-religious aversion to premarital sex that some do.

Though no method is 100%,
condoms combined with the birth control pill,
used consistently,
are hugely effective against pregnancy and STD's-

NEITHER of which, btw, are somehow prevented by getting married.

A few years ago I was devoutly Catholic and wanted nothing to do with sex outside of marriage. Now that I'm in my mid 20s and have more life experience, I'm still a very faithful follower, but feel that sex with a women is an important ingredient in a good relationship, which can lead up to marriage. When I was in college in 2002 to 2003, I had a fling with a girl. She, for whatever reason, was madly in love with me and wanted to have sex with me. I wanted no part of it, despite wanting very much to have sex with her, I was so rigid in my thinking that sex should wait to marriage. She respected this and understood how I felt, and knew we both wanted to go at it like rabbits, but never really pushed me or pressured me, which I respected her for that. But keep in mind I was still a virgin.

Now, being much less rigid, and after having two relationships with girls and knowing how great sex is, I often say "What was I thinking?". All though my life I've tried very hard to be a good person, and very true to my faith. So in trying to live up to this Aspie way of thinking in trying to do the right and correct thing, I was very adherent to the rules of the Catholic Church. Sex outside of marriage was an absolute no-no. Even when people would say that sex outside of marriage doesn't hurt anyone or do wrong to people, which I was very adamant about doing the right thing, they still could not convince me.

So, with more life experience under my belt and two relationships with girls that involved sex, I feel that if both a girl and I want to go at it like rabbits again, I definitely won't turn her down. We'll both enjoy it, make each other happy, and no wrong would be done to either of us in the process. I can still be a good person.

Yes, marriage doesn't appeal to me at all personally, but if two lovers want a marriage to represent their bond, then more power to them. It's just the ones who think everyone else should be obligated to do the same (and that their bond is invalid if they don't) that annoy me.

True, but not everything is visible -- someone can be a carrier, but not actually manifest the warts.

But I'm with you, sex is more than just mere procreation. It's one of the most enjoyable things in life.

Not sure if Britain is a lot better. Same crappy advertising (though, to be honest, our TV is nowhere near as bad as American TV), same greedy business style of living, same underage pregnancies and welfare cheats, same formulaic tripe we call pop music, same spend-earn cycle. Thankfully conservatives are making the country a more sane place unlike Blair/Brown who sucked up to Bush and all the litigious do-goodies.

Though same-sex marriages are accepted in Britain but they're known as 'civil partnerships'. We also don't get all the Evangelical schooling 'no sex before marriage' ed either, which is good. Churches need to get up to date with it though. Marriage is just a pointless contract and it's like being put in a straitjacket for the rest of your life.

I, for one, want a relationship with a girl, maybe have kids, but not ever marry. A lot of people get married just for the weddings but they're too expensive and overrated. Why waste £15,000 on a wedding when it can buy a decent car or plenty of posh meals out together. The church are still trying to apply old testament culture to the 21st century. Back then slavery and stoning was the norm. Civilised countries just don't do that anymore.

I'll assume for the moment that you're talking about Christian churches. Marriage, according to the Bible, is not a worthless piece of paper. It represents a commitment to each other in front of God. Also, your comment about applying Old Testament culture to the modern world shows that you don't understand the significance of the New Testament, which trumps a lot of the Old Testament. Both the Old and the New Testaments are taught in the Church today, but the emphasis is on following what is (mostly) in the New Testament. It is the New Testament, which follows the life and teaching of Jesus, which separates the Christians from the Jews.

I think you have the right idea about the OT. I'll add this:

The OT fascinates me. The reason why is it is such a LONG portion of the Bible. The NT is a fast read. To get through the OT, you really have to carve out the time to do it and disciplined enough to stick with it. Just reading it is not enough. You need to spend time with it to understand what it means. It's not an easy book. If you REALLY want to get hardcore about the later religion that developed from the OT by Jesus' time, you need to read and understand the Talmud, which is incredibly dense. I personally don't read the Talmud, but it is useful for gleaning cultural clues on how adherents to the Hebrew religion viewed it in those days.

One thing I want to point out that might be misleading is that the NT does not "trump" the OT. Since we're talking about marriage here, we're talking about law. The significance of the law is in instruction on a) how people are to relate to God and b) how people are to relate to each other. When it comes to God, the point is that man is born with sinful human nature and ultimately falls into that nature by sinning. In order to accept God's grace through faith, we have to humble ourselves and acknowledge God's sovereignty in our lives by offering sacrifices. In doing so, we are to celebrate specific holidays, provide specific sacrifices at certain times of the year, observe laws of purity, and so forth. This is ceremonial law. These laws are only for God's chosen and those among them who chose to participate with them. Certain people groups are actually forbidden from doing this because of their history of mistreating the Israelites. Non-Israelites of other nations are not REQUIRED by God to take part, and you'll note certain holidays/festivals could only be celebrated in Israel.

Other laws exist for the purpose of separating God's chosen from the nations. You find these in the dietary laws as one example. Circumcision is another example. One tiny detail worth mentioning about circumcision is it was practiced long before God called out Abraham. God's instruction in the covenant merely served to confirm that this was also God's will for HIS covenant people. It is a mistake to read racism into the marriage laws forbidding intermarriage. Culturally, marriages back then also represented family and political alliances. Intermarriage meant that the Israelites would follow other religions, which was strictly forbidden. It was acceptable to intermarry IF and ONLY IF the person marrying into a Hebrew family was wholeheartedly willing to convert and put away "detestable things." Israel's identity could not be maintained with such external influences.

Note that in both cases so far the laws do not apply to those born outside the Israelite nation.

Now, the third kind of law consists of moral laws. Do not worship other gods. Do not kill. Do not steal. Do not covet. No extra-marital sex. These laws extend to statutes that exist in order to establish a Yahweist theocracy. Particular emphasis is given to making and keeping promises. Penalties are imposed for breaking laws. Anything that is an affront to God (worshipping other gods) or threatens the life of a man and the continuity of his bloodline is punishable by death. Adultery constitutes such a threat, which was why such a big deal was made about it back then. Even sex between two people who are unmarried and not promised to anyone in marriage is forbidden because sex with a virgin woman means taking what is not that man's to take--her future husband's right to father children through her. That's why there were special cases in which sex was NOT punishable by death, but either marriage or monetary compensation was required for such a violation of a woman (whether consent was given is irrelevant). Best-case scenario is the two genuinely love each other and wish to spend their lives together anyway. Divorce would be denied if the man became unhappy. Sexual slavery, as another example, was rendered extremely difficult by these laws. It was not uncommon to use slaves/servants as surrogate mothers. But being made a surrogate essentially gave a slave girl the status of wife, and this institution had a number of stipulations that existed to protect the rights of the "sex servant."

We might be disgusted by these kinds of things today, but I think it's only because we don't fully understand the harsh realities of ancient life. Things are much different now and slavery is all but eliminated as an accepted institutions virtually everywhere that Christians and Jews have maintained a strong influence. Paternity testing and birth control ensure that a child belongs to a woman's husband and that unintended pregnancy is less likely. Pre-marital sex and extra-marital affairs somehow still cause emotional upheaval, something that is avoided in committed relationships. There exists an innate "wrongness" about these things which we can mask with our own desires to commit these sins. Not meaning to go to extremes here, but if there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING AT ALL wrong with extra-marital sex, why do we in modern society make such a big deal about pedophilia? If the child doesn't mind engaging in sex, it's just play, right? But we enact laws to the effect that state children as old as 13 or 14 are incapable of consent. Um... Really? I've taught in schools where 7th graders were getting pregnant. They knew what they were doing and went along with it. In some places, that age goes all the way up to 18. So if premarital sex is OK, then we need to do away with statutory rape laws and pedophilia definitions since there is nothing wrong with it. It should be OK as long as it's just non-violent, innocent play--a couple of kids just enjoying their bodies.

We don't know WHY, but there IS something wrong with it. Without resorting to religion, particularly the Bible and the OT, you're going to find it difficult to explain why it is that people find something EXTREMELY WRONG with rape, child sex, and adultery. And what's funny to me is that even people who are not Christians can sometimes be the most vocal about these atrocities.

So when it comes to moral laws, the OT is still very much relevant. The NT NEVER attempts to trump the OT when it comes to morality.

Jesus only came to say that He is the fulfillment of the law--that is, the redemption of all people which had not yet happened through the Israelites, a "kingdom of priests." In no way did Christ even hint that Jews were to abandon their religion. Jesus merely took the place of the sacrificial system through His death on the cross. Jesus predicted the destruction of the temple, which was the center of Jewish religion. It is not now even possible to offer sacrifices that are acceptable according to the OT. The holidays have to be understood in a completely different context now--observed in the hope that proper worship will be reinstated, or observed giving reverence to what Christ has done in fulfilling what was promised when the holidays were observed before. Nothing has been "trumped."

Ceremonial laws and dietary laws have no relevance for us. We have our own ways of asserting our own national identity. But we are not BOUND by any BIBLICAL laws that say we MUST do so. There is a general advisement that we Christians should not intermarry with unbelievers, and there is a good reason for that. But two believers who wish to marry could very well do so even if they are of mixed heritage. The NT places no prohibition on this. A better reason not to "mix races" is for the preservation of one's own culture. But in this country that is a personal decision, not a moral decision.

What IS relevant, however, are the moral lessons of the OT, summarized in "love your neighbor as yourself." Though not Law, the NT puts forth certain guidelines as to what ought to be preserved from the OT pertaining to non-Jewish Christians. Monogamy, for instance, is one of those things.