I feel like I'm ugly

Post Reply New Topic

^^ Beautiful words, but school damage can't be really undone, I am now 33.
I was so bullied for being the shortest boy.

And yes, even to this day, I avoid to engage with guys of certain physique: the very tall and well built, the typical jock-looking. I have no problem with the tall and skinny (or chubby), and so often my judgement of "book's cover" doesn't turn so inaccurate.
This all due to school days.

I can remember in middle school, when I had a crush on one of the cutest, and most popular girls in my class. I was humiliated when a kid who used to bully me outed that to everyone one day, ever since then I've almost convinced myself that I can never get the girl I found most beautiful, because I could never meet the standards they would have. This pretty much continued until my senior year of highschool, a lot of the boys would pick on me to try and ask a girl out, and when I failed it would pretty much be the school news for the day.

I still often find myself paralyzed by the strike of a woman's beauty, but I can at least convince myself that outside beauty isn't the most important thing.

There was this really attractive guy at this party I went to a little while ago. My friend and I noticed him standing off to the side of his group of friends watching them quietly. In my head I had myself convinced that this guy was too attractive and he'd never talk to someone like me, that he would just laugh at me and it would just be a waste of time. My friend thought he looked like a "model". I thought back to the times in high school when I got bullied by the popular attractive people and started to feel sh*tty about myself. But for some odd reason that I'll never understand, I actually went up to him and introduced myself. The weirdest thing was that he was really shy around me, had trouble making eye contact, and would often zone out in the middle of sentences, like he had difficulty thinking of what to say. He didn't laugh at me and he was exceptionally polite. I'm nowhere near as good-looking as he was so his nervousness was different for me. Being around him felt like I was looking at myself in the mirror, I could understand him and his behavior completely and it finally hit me... this guy is an aspie! So I guess what I'm trying to say is... you never know. That pretty quiet girl standing by herself might not be that different from you. I'm glad I took the risk and went up to that guy when I did. I usually never take risks because I'm deeply afraid of rejection, but sometimes life is weird and throws you a bone when you least expect it.

I did recall a memory of one of the hottest girls in school saying I had a "sexy ass"

Yep if you're ugly at all no one will come out and say it. But on the other hand, if you're a perfect 10/10 no one will admit it then either, so it's obviously not just about protecting the person's feelings or whatever.

Oh my god you are not ugly AT ALL. Just keep working out and work on your posture. You have a face and body with potential. I would also grow a three days beard and cut your hair a bit shorter (but that's just my person preference in guys; i think it gives a man that masculine edge).
Seriously, I think you have to potential to be a 8,5/10. If I lived in the same area as you I would take you out for a shopping spree and make you look even better.

And I also agree with some of the posters above that physical attraction has much more to do with 'visual chemistry' than with looks by themselves. It could be the way you talk, the tone of your voice, they way you roll your eyes, the way you smile, the way you move, your physical mannerisms overall.
This is the reason why people often fall for others that are not their physical type. Because something else in that visual chemistry attracts them to that person.

Never heard anyone complain before, sure I slouch when I sit a lot of the time, but who doesn't? I have a strange impediment, I pretty much can't pronounce "s" or "sh" sounds; I have hard time controlling this because I have a scar in the middle of my tongue. Either than that I sit, stand, and walk the same as most other people. I guess my only problem is conversing, but I can get to talking to someone for a few days or even in the occasional random conversation.

FrankiDelano, the problem is usually a combination of traits, without having something significantly compensating the other or at least having a one trait that makes you special or superior than others.

For example, Donald Trump is too ugly and rude, but he's frigging rich - so he had no problem in getting married or having gfs; his ugliness was balanced by his wealth.

Stephen Hawking is too handicap, but he's frigging genius, so he also could attract women as well. His extreme handicap (and its impact on his looks) got balanced or even over-compensated by his extreme intelligence.

Tome Cruise is short and barely sane in the head, but he's frigging handsome, celeb and wealthy, so no problem here, not even with gorgeous women taller than him.

It's when a male is too average (or less) in everything, average in looks, average in talents (if any), average in personality, average in intelligence, typical in interests = hard time in dating. They are usually the guys women refer to as boring.

Confidence plays a huge part in the attraction of the types of men Boo mentioned above. All of those men have the "F**k it, I'm going to say whatever and do whatever, I don't care what anyone thinks" mentality and a lot of NT women (and some ND women) are drawn to that. The problem is that a lot of people on the spectrum have extremely low self-confidence/self-esteem. That lack of belief in ourselves can make us seem undesirable.

Saw your photo and there's nothing wrong with the way you look.
I know that a million people can tell you that but it won't make a difference.
If you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) please realize that your feeling is not grounded in what you look like, but how you perceive yourself.

I have the same ideas about myself ever since I had cancer in my face. People say I look fine after the reconstructions, but I think I'm horrible. So, I went to a therapist to talk about it, and to my utter horror, he was blind! How could he tell me if I was really ugly or not. Then I realized it wouldn't have mattered to me what he said, blind or not, the problem was (and still is) in my head.

But...there is nothing wrong with how you look at all. I have a degree in fine art and as a surgeon's assistant in the operating room do a lot of plastic surgery and there's nothing I would change about you.

You're not bad looking at all. It's really just a matter of insecurity on your part.

OP, you're forgetting one thing: your age! You're 21! Even if you're ugly like you're saying you are, it's because your looks don't match your age. Just because you're bad-looking now, doesn't mean you'll still be bad-looking 10 years later or even 5 years later. Simply put, you'll age into your looks. Just like I did. Read my story.

Back I was 21, I was ugly. Disgustingly ugly. Enough for one girl to say "ew, gross!" Working out, changing my hair, or getting new clothes didn't help one bit; girls still rejected me. I wanted my face to go away read bad. So I took a drastic step: I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Despite having many radio and print ads, he turned out to be a nice man. He did a computer simulation of my new face. The "after" picture looked quite attractive, so I was elated. But when he showed me an estimated cost, it was over $10,000. Not to mention ten days of functional recovery (to be able to care for myself and go outside) and six weeks full recovery, with follow-up visits. I told him I didn't have that money, thanked him for his time, and left his office feeling worse than before.

I was out of luck. I had to hire an escort to lose my virginity. I felt kinda bad for making her have sex with a monster like me, but it was either that or being a virgin for life. Plus, I paid the full asking price and added a tip, so fair is fair. I continued seeing escorts ever since, one to five times a year, finances permitting.

Around age 24 to 26, I started having better luck. I was actually able to get dates. Now, at age 32, I have little or no problems making a good first impression on girls, a impossible task ten years earlier. And now, when I look in the mirror, my face looks just fine, even kind of handsome. Plus, it helps that women 30+ have easier standards for guys' looks than college women do. And older women on a cruise flirted with me and acted touchy-feeling with me like I never experienced before in my whole life. Now, I go on a date once or twice a month. All in all, I'm getting by OK.

And yet, on slow days, I can't help but wonder: How would my life be different now, if I had $10,000 at age 21, and actually got that plastic surgery?

No, confidence comes from success and competence, when you are competent in something, you become confident about it, let's say you are a competent student in math then you would be the first to volunteer to solve something on the board, if not you would hesitate.

Yah, what that one dude said. You could age into your looks as well. You'll lose that cute boyish look and start to look pretty manly when you're in your late 20s early 30s. Just keep working out and running so you won't get a beer belly. Not to mention when you're that age, you'll be making good moni so girls will flock to you. Just because someone was unattractive in their early 20s doesn't mean they will be when they're older. Some of us are just late bloomers, I definitely am.

Hopefully I age into my looks as well.

I don't see why you think you're ugly if that's any comfort. No intention on hitting on you, but I think you look good.