I'm so sick of this whole aspie women have it easier crap

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Eureka: Yep. I'm saying I took steps to become more attractive to others, including learning body language and behaviors which aid that sort of endeavor. I also learned not to resent those behaviors--why resent the rain for falling, the earth for turning and society for demanding I adapt. Seriously, we ALL have to learn to do things we wouldn't otherwise do to attract others.

billiscool: Dude, even women have to learn behaviors suitable for attracting others. Everyone has to adapt.

billiscool: My point is that in order to get dates, everyone but very few people should expect to have to adapt as necessary, and not to get angry at the world for not "providing" them a date.

If that avatar is you, it's not like you're bad looking....

Eureka: I figured it out a bit earlier, but mostly in self-defense. I don't think of myself as particularly attractive, but a certain subset of men seem to think so (nerdy, older, kinky) and some kinds of women (younger, blue collar, kinky).

I'm geeky and couldn't get a date from my own high school to save my life because I'm "weird" and "intimidating", but older men really liked me as a group. I picked up skills from them ranging from social skills to self-defense, in part to stave off the creepy ones. (Sometimes older meant a year or two, which is fine. Sometimes it meant old enough to be my father, which is not okay but happened rather a lot during my late teens and twenties. I spent a lot of time getting groped and hitting people growing up.)

Creepy attention, however, is not sincere dating attention, of which I got a rather small amount.

In the defense of kids in my high school, it takes a sledgehammer to flirt with me most of the time, because I have no idea what the hell someone is on about. I assume they're talking to someone else and I try to move out of their way so they can go about flirting with the woman behind me. Or I assume they just want to talk to someone and so I listen. I hear a lot of people's life stories if I sit in coffee shops or public for long.

Generally speaking, I have trouble noticing until someone says something blunt. Or, in the case of my current partner, picks a fight with me, the sneaky bugger (I like a challenge.)

I agree: I'd rather be lonely than in a sh***y relationship. Being female is not what gets me asked out--I alienate people regularly enough to tell me that it's not effortless for me to find dates. I'm way more interesting online (not coincidentally how I often get a date.) I also have very little in common with most people, so I'm always pleasantly surprised when I get along with people.

Want words of wisdom? Be happy. It usually helps a lot.

I'm an Aspie woman and I'm sick of this stereotype as well, not ALL Aspie women have it easier just like not ALL Aspie men have it harder.

Everyone is different and those with AS or whatever express their condition and personalities differently...

S

I'm curious... how is it not considered 'easier' when the norm in society is that the male approaches the female and she gets the say in if it becomes a date/relationship/whatever?

Yes, you may get approached by creeps or guys just after a one night stand. You may get approached by guys you wouldn't even touch with a 10ft pole. You may get approached by guys that you have no interest on. Point is: You get approached and you decide.

From the male perspective you either succeed or blow it on the approach phase. It takes a tremendous amount of social performance to succeed and it is precisely the area AS cripples.

Disclaimer: What happens DURING a relationship/date is EQUALLY hard for both sexes with AS.

Everyone has been talking about the 'norm' for males approaching females. I haven't really paid attention, because it's true - that is the generally accepted perception of what is the 'norm' for dating.

But then I started thinking back, and I realized that in all but one relationship I've had, I have been the one to do the approaching/initiating. So now I'm wondering if that is truly uncommon, or if there are a lot of other women who have been the ones to do the approaching/initiating.