Physical attractiveness — a rant

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I find that pretty woman (I have dated a few short-term), seem more narcissistic/arrogant than their average or less than average counterparts.

Average women seem more human....

Where there's a problem though, as I tried to say at the beginning of the thread, is that many women who think themselves unattractive assume that any man showing an interest wants to use them for sex then dump them. This is sad. Those women and the men who try to date them end up sleeping alone, but the only men who would actually do that are playas. Meanwhile the women who are conventionally attractive can hook up as much as they want. They don't have to worry about commitment etc. unless they want to.

This does not make any sense. Women who are attractive get used for sex, too, and probably just as often. It doesn’t just happen to women who “think themselves unattractive.” Sexual abuse does not discriminate, either.

You make valid points.

I hope my original post didn't offend - I was only relaying my personal experience.

No, I was just responding to Max’s post which I think misses the mark by a very wide margin.

In my experience, people who are a**holes don’t restrict their assholiness to one subset of the female population. It’s not like they would use “unattractive women” for sex and be decent to others.

My post is not about a**holes, sexual predators, etc. It's about ordinary people who are lonely. I am NOT "wide off the mark". What you said is true in and of itself but not germane to the point I was making.

In my opinion, “players” or people who use others for sex are a**holes, and they don’t just target unattractive women. People worry about commitment, no matter what they look like.

In your OP, you said:

That’s an example of an a**hole. I doubt they would treat attractive women any better. Sometimes it works the opposite: people will have sex with someone and use them because they are attractive without desiring a relationship. Either way, it’s sh***y behavior unless both people want a casual hookup.

In other words, anyone can be used for sex no matter what they look like.

Finding a committed relationship with someone they love and who will treat them decently is something that most people worry about no matter what they look like.

What I said indeed happens.

Maybe we should do is propose a Sex Ed curriculum in which boys are taught to turn down opportunities for sex with a woman unless they are certain they want to commit to a LTR with her. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. Average people behave like a**holes all the time, women too.

People often have sex and realize they’re incompatible afterwards. That’s different than using somebody for sex unless both people want a casual hookup. Then it’s a mutual, fully-informed, consensual situation.

Obviously, people of any gender can be a**holes. I was just responding to your specific example which was about a man using a woman. It can happen to anyone no matter their gender or what they look like.

Decent people don’t behave this way.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 08 Sep 2023, 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have heard of people who use other people for sex. So called 'fuckbois' or 'female players'. I think there has to be an element of sociopathy to that, in the effort to use people simply for sex. It is an awful thing.

Not sure what part of my post you're focusing on. I was thinking more of the case of a man, especially a young man, who is horny and has reason to think a young woman will have sex with him. He pursues her, and sooner or later the two of them have sex. But after being with her for a while, he comes to the realization that he doesn't want to be with her forever, in fact he can imagine a life partner and it's not her. This is what I meant by "do better", not that he specifically wants someone more attractive etc. just that she's not "the one". It could just be some annoying personality trait he didn't notice when he was wooing her, but now he thinks he doesn't want to spend his whole life living with somebody who has that trait. So he breaks up with her, however she was ready to commit. At least when I was young, women seemed more willing to commit and at an earlier age then their male peers, maybe that's changed. So this young woman may feel used. He had his fun with her, then got tired of her and left her for new conquests. But he didn't consciously plan to act in that way. However he could have been blinded by his impression that she might be attracted to him sufficiently to have sex with him and didn't think beyond the sex (and other short-term benefits of having a girlfriend) however she was thinking that way. I think this occurs "naturally" so to speak, and is probably more likely if the man is on the autism spectrum, but it leads to women distrusting men in general.

To me, using someone for sex means that one cynically takes advantage of another person's feelings as a way to achieve sexual gratification. This happened to me once. I know because she admitted to me later on that when I was hitting on her, she actually thought me the most annoying person she'd ever met but as I was clearly looking for sex (as would most unattached men at that age) she saw an opportunity to relieve her own physical cravings. Usually the sex roles are reversed in this situation but the fact was she was using me.

I am not angry about this but (without having concrete proof) it seems to me that most women, but particularly women who believe themselves to be unattractive, can be emotionally hurt, even traumatized, by this, which may lead them to distrust male suitors, even sincere ones, to the detriment of them and those sincere suitors. Women who believe themselves to be attractive are less vulnerable. Yes they can be used for sex but they are confident their looks won't prevent them from finding the sort of relationship they want.

What a creep! Fun? Conquests?! Decent people don’t see things that way.


Your understanding of women is off.

No matter how a person looks they can be hurt and traumatized if they feel like they’ve been used, especially if they had feelings for/were in love with the person who was using them. It doesn’t really matter whether they can find another relationship or not. It’s not that easy or simple. Being attractive does not necessarily mean that a person will be confident, either.

We are all human. It’s not like attractive people are a different species unless they are lizard people.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 09 Sep 2023, 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think very good looking women are even more vulnerable of being judged, hurt, and abused, and they know it.

Yeah, it can be hard to know what people’s intentions are. Do people like them for who they are or do they just want their body (can happen to anyone, of course, but very good looking women might be more susceptible)? That’s the issue they face. Then people make assumptions about them and think they’ve got it easier because they are good-looking.

Or they think they're sluts because they've had a lot of dates.