90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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Charlie Brooker - British TV miserablist.

Interesting that I resemble someone as cynical as me.

That's very sad and inaccurate to to me. Sorry you feel that way, but you would be doing a greater disservice to others by forcing all others on the spectrum to live by your pessimistic and negative views in my opinion.


M.

Then we are there NT women on this site who're absolutely in love with their Aspie boyfriend (or even their Aspie ex)? I would admit that Aspie men and NT women are quite an uncommon combination, but you're overgeneralising as usual.

Also, it's not like the only women out there are NT women. I'm very much aware of my problems with NT women, but I get along far better with women with ADHD and BPD.



Maybe. Maybe not. Nevertheless, I've had 5 exes and many other Aspies on this website have had at least on girlfriend, I don't see why we should tell Aspies they can never get a girlfriend when there are sufficient examples of the oposite on this site alone.....



I disagree. Both of my last exes are still friends and there's more than a small chance that my last ex and I get back together.

Also, I learnt a few months ago that my second ex never had any serious relationship after we broke up about 7 years ago. So it seems our relationship left quite a bit impression on her....

You have a tendendy to overgeneralise. Not every Aspie is like you and your situation is not representative of the AS situation in general. Get used to that !

so this is what ive found:

as per aspieness i cannot talk to a girl i think is pretty that i don't know, because it is literally beyond my grasp of comprehension what i could possibly say that wouldn't creep her out (after all someone you dont know is a stranger).

also i have a realllllllly hard time figuring out whether a girl likes me romantically or just likes me as a friend, im smitten by pretty girls with cute smiles and that always makes me want to think they like me, but 9 times out of 10 its just friendly.

though as far as picking girls up, i can say it helps to look for "artsy" looking girls, as stupid or stereotypical as that may sound, there's truth to it. they are usually quieter and used to awkward pauses at least a little bit, so it leaves for some room to work (whereas outgoing party girls tend to think, wtf spit it out or go away). i successfully picked up a girl from the photography lab in my school, though it took quite a few times before i got the nerve to ask her to come over...and when she did it turns out she had a boyfriend, though i also found out that she did like me as well. just my luck.

i think the reason most of us dont get dates is because we are too scared to talk to girls and get conversations going. if we tried our hardest and asked girls out and were more social im sure all of us could do better. the reason i have only been on like 2 dates in my life is cuz i get scared to talk to girls often.

Fortunately, the older you get, the more comfortable you'll start to feel among girls or women.... unless when you want to make a move on her. If they's any Aspie out here who's learnt how not to start feeling all nervous as soon as he's planning to make a move, please tell us all how you do it

I think that advice would be handy for any guy, Aspie or not.

Same here.

Will someone tell me where these women offering sex are? I need all the help I can get! LOL

I've been told that fraternity/sorority pubs/bars/cafés and fraternity/sorority events full of horny college students may be an interesting location for that. If you're not too young or too old to hang around with college students, that might be the answer for you. Anyway, I might actually try it for myself at New Year's eve with my best friends (a lesbian couple) has some connections in a local frat pub. I'm single now anyway, so what is there to lose by checking out for myself how easy it is to pick up girls over there? And with two women to coach me on the pick-up lines and introduce me to some people (I sometimes feel like I'm in a reenactment of the film "Hitch" when I'm with my friends), it might actually work

I'm really more of a steady relationship kind of guy, though, but after 5 failed relationships I believe it may be time to start to just enjoy myself without really pursuing a steady relationship any more while instead trying to make more shallow contacts by meeting new people in the process. Rumours say you're more likely to find "the right one" with that kind of attitude... I'm not sure if it'll fit me, but I really feel like it's time for a new approach. The old one's become weary as it always seemed to lead to unstable relationships with unstable women... which isn't a better alternative.

No bad advice but being 43yo, I am a little old to hang with college chicks. Also I don't have any female friends to help me out either. That would be so awesome to have female friends to coach you on what to do and say - I have never had any "training" like that.

I am glad you seem to have options in what kinds of relationships you have with women. Alas, I have not been so fortunate.

there are just so many things wrong with that on so many levels.

I wouldn't advice it for anyone at your age either. I'm 28, which is still an acceptable age to hang around college students.



I must say that I'm indeed fortunate to have a lesbian couple as best friends. Not only do they help me understand women at a more advanced level, they also helped prepare my place for my first date with my ex-girlfriend and they've helped me restyle my appearance for a few times (I'm currently undergoing a second metamorphosis in a bit more than a year). In some way, they function more as life coaches than friends

The irony is that one half of that lesbian couple (I know her for about 10 years now) told me yesterday that we would probably have been married if she was actually into guys.... but she isn't. So I guess it's all a matter of what you call luck. It's a really weird thing we have between us. We're very close and we even had sex once many years ago (even though she already was a convinced lesbian at the time).... and I've had a crush on her about twice (although that was many years ago).

Anyway, the key to finding the right girlfriend is probably related to finding the right friends. If you don't have any friends you're really close with, you might want to find them first before you find yourself a girlfriend.



Don't overestimate me. Thusfar (with exception of the one sexual encounter with my lesbian friend) I've just had 5 girlfriends and each of them I had met online before seeing them in real life. I've tried picking up a girl in a bar before, but never with success. I hope with my new look and some extra on the fly coaching I will finally be able to pick up a girl at a bar for the first time.

Also, these two lesbian women are the only women I've ever been really close with and who isn't an ex of mine. I find it just as difficult as most Aspie men to befriend myself with neurotypical women, but lesbian borderliners are a hell of a lot easier to befriend yourself with. Their BPD makes them more openminded than most women and as soon as both parties are aware of their sexual preference there should be far less sexual tension than with heterosexual women.

I agree that you are doubly lucky in that a) you have female friends (even if it is only two) who help you out and that b) your friends are not quite "mainstream" so they are indeed more likely to be sympathatic to you. I think it is so cool they help you out with your look and whatever else is going to assist you in finding a girlfriend. I don't have any female friends and haven't ever really. I simply have no idea how to communicate with them on any level. I think you underestimate yourself - having 5 GF's by the time you are 28yo is awesome for an Aspie. Keep in mind I am 43yo and have never come close. The big difference is that you have a body of experience to draw from and can take some confidence from the fact you have been successful in the past. I on the other hand, have zero experience with women to draw on and my complete lack of success with women has not helped my confidence at all. Quite honestly, women scare the hell out of me because I don't understand them at all.

If your lesbian friends were motivated they could write a dating tips for Aspie guys. This might take a lot of work but it would be greatly appreciated by all the lonely Aspie men out there (just a thought).

At any rate, imagine me turning green as I envy the success with women that you have.

That part hasn't worked for me as yet, I'm sorry to say.