How to deal with unwanted attention?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm totally responsible for the guy who raped me, and I'll be responsible if it happens again with some guy on the bus going psycho. After all, how dare I refuse blatant requests for the use of my body to a complete stranger?

Because no man is responsible for his own choices.

And of course you understand, since you're a woman who has been a victim of rape.

*queer power!*

It was worse than that, a lot worse. I'm starting to get the idea that even if I told you explicitly you'd probably still dismiss it, or even worse use it to try and prove your point once more.

What I see of the OP is that she has a special circumstance here where she is not only dealing with unwanted attention, but also dealing with it in combination with the post-trauma of her recent sexual assault (yes, for realz full-blown f*****g rape! explicit enough?). Why are me and Kjas the only people seeing this for what it is? This wasn't intended to be a thread about celebrating knocking guys egos, but everyone else in the thread (guys and girls) chimed in and posted as if it was. This was meant to be a thread about dealing with unwanted attention in the context of lingering sexual trauma.

Unwanted attention might have only slightly bothered her before, and she probably has never done any of the things you implied she did in her life. But after something like "that" I believe her current approach towards lecherous and unwanted attention has every reason to be understood. If I was in her shoes I too for a long while would feel deeply upset at the prospect of being thought of as a sexual being in the least, and I too would become frightened and paranoid of every man that approaches me with an admiring eye (perhaps I would react with hostility too, I dunno).

Granted not everyone knows the OP and what happened to her so they have reason to miss the true context, but then there were people in this thread who know full well what happened and willfully ignored it.

Sorry meems.

f**k

This.

My girlfriend had to strong-arm some dude who kept grinding on me at a show we went to in Dallas.

I was pretty impressed that she's so strong.

Now he'll become a rapist and it'll be our fault. But at least he didn't touch me again.

Thank you for speaking up for me. I feel like I'm finding my voice again but in my life it's been really important to me when people have spoken up for me. I do appreciate it.

OMG, J-Greens. Why the f.....why would you say something like that? *facepalm* Now you just painted all men in a bad light.

I can only speak for myself, I know he doesn't speak for all men. I think most women here, if not all, know he doesn't speak for all men.

Still, he's being a jerk.

In my opinion some women love male attention and they give mixed messages to men of this sort:-

"Look how sexually attractive I am everybody!'
'How Dare you look at me like that, pervert!'

...which obviously confuses the hell out of the average man!

I've noticed that the type of woman who says she regularly gets harassed by men is
a) pretty/sexually attractive
b) exceedingly proud of the fact and overly keen to share it with others

I'd say you can't have your cake and eat it!

If I walk around in a t-shirt or any outfit that shows off my chest I would not be surprised to see men stare at my chest, possibly smile at me, possibly make comment on my chest to each other

So if I don't want men to do this I don't wear the figure-revealing outfit or wear a coat over it - simple!

Some women want the male attention but also want to control exactly how men react to them - this isn't possible and is exceedingly foolhardy in my opinion

So, Nessa, what you're saying is you didn't comprehend the original post? Or you just love the opportunity to put others down?


I don't want male attention, I've dated guys but I just don't find them sexually attractive. I like women. I don't dress in revealing clothes and I'm not pretty. I'm also in no way responsible for the poor choices other people make.

I comprehended it perfectly

I think your assessment of yourself as not pretty is incorrect as a woman who isn't pretty would in no way be getting all this male attention!

Can we see a photo of you?

And as for not being responsible for the poor choices other people make I'd say everyone is responsible for doing all they can to mitigate for other peoples' poor choices and thus keep themselves as safe as possible

Have you read this thread? Like, at all? Even the later pages? Or are you just in the mood to proselytize and throw this "blame the victim" garbage at whoever is convenient? Never mind the fact that what meems looks like has absolutely no relevance to the topic at all, whatsoever.

Yes I've read it

How she looks has a direct bearing on how much attention she's likely to get off men

Thus I was trying to establish how she looks as in saying she's not pretty, she appears to be contradicting the evidence she's given of the amount of unwanted attention she gets

I would be interested in seeing a photo of her dressed in the clothes she says she's wearing when these episodes of unwanted attention occur, so we can define exactly what it is that's drawing all these men's attention

If a person wears an outfit that draws unwanted attention surely it's better not to wear it?

I have a Jay Leno chin and I wear baggy clothes.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a367/ ... ea0940.jpg

The only difference between that picture and now is that I cut all of my hair off and I'm starting to slim down from weight training. And it's not like these guys are even close to my age or the kind of guys who get a lot of female attention .. one was extremely smelly, possibly homeless. Most of them had awful breath and didn't seem very keen on personal hygiene.

I was being really passive and I think each case was related to how obvious it was that I was uncomfortable speaking up for myself. But if people have no respect for the personal space of others, that's not anyone's fault but their own.

To say women who dress a certain way deserve what they get implies men are entitled to women's bodies if they are in anyway exposed. That's completely wrong. Women are entitled to their autonomy. No one is entitled to the body of another.

It doesn't matter if someone finds me attractive, they don't have the right to touch me or block my path to move away from them.

I don't really care what you'd like to see, my friend. This is not the "why do men harass meems" thread, so if you've really read it, maybe you should give it a reread to see if you can better comprehend what this discussion is.

I shouldn't have to wear a burqa in order to feel safe.

I'm regaining confidence and this hasn't happened much lately.