Flirting with a girl who thinks you are "cute"

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I'm just gonna be so random here, but it really ticked me off that you used the word "hot".
Yes i do know what it means and she looks good and etc. But i've just experienced so often that people who only care about looks say hot all the time.

So no advice from me here, just wanted to be random

OK, a few weeks later and things have been going pretty good. We've chatted a lot, we're getting to be friends but if we do end up being just friends I would be OK with that (I have thought about this since last posting here)

I guess all these girls at my school think I am like a little kid. Whenever I make a play in PE I always hear them saying "Go Mike!" and "aw, I just want to squeeze his cheeks" and I'm kinda shy under a lot of attention so I just smile and blush and say yeah. How to get a girlfriend, I'll figure that out one day but for now I feel like I should be making friends with girls before I get a girlfriend. I'm not the least bit assertive, I just learned to be myself. I had a crush on a shy girl earlier this year and that was not good for me.

Follow the advice you have been given and things should work out just fine. You are on the right track and it is all about building social status right now. You are way beyond where I was in school at your age.

"aw, he's so cute"

Has she actually used the word "aw"? If so, that's a real bad sign.

When a girl thinks you're genuinely cute, she'll say, "he's kinda cute" and wait to see how her companions respond.

Metal_Man, thanks as always

She says "aw" all the time when I talk to her, but why is that a bad thing if we're going to be just friends? I'm not very serious, and not many people take me very serious, but for me that is not a bad thing.

"Aww" is what a girl would say on seeing a puppy, or a baby, not an attractive guy her own age. If you want to be friends with her only, it might not be a problem, but there's a definite perception of inequality there.

Being female, it's not a bad thing if a woman has some puppy-version attraction to a guy. The problem is if that's ONLY how she sees him, then she'll only want to be mothering him and probably won't be thinking of him as bf material.

Go back and read the earlier posts. It is highly unlikely this girl would ever be his girlfriend. The fact that she will talk to him only elevates his social status. She is like a "gateway" to other girls. If other girls see that she accepts him into her social circle then he becomes more attractive to other girls. Yes it doesn't make any sense to an Aspie mind but that is how the game is played.

Not saying you are wrong, but I don't think it is as simple as you make it. There are many variables that can play into a relationship, and while the simple ones frequently hold true, I don't think there has been enough information given to fully assess this guy's chances with this girl. --And even still, he has said he is more interested in just being friends right now.

I understand the concept of social status and that you can't be a hermit but then reasonably complain you have no friends. But whittling it down to social status and using other people like such, that sits uneasily with me. I realize people DO use others, even in the more loving of relationships: both parties are in it for themselves and for each other. But to so consciously decide to use someone for social gain... that is not likely to lead to longterm relationships of substance, even if it does get guys laid.

So the question becomes: Do you want to get laid or do you want to have a solid relationship? Because the things one must do to prepare for and achieve the latter may be quite different from those of the former. Your suggestions sound like preparation for the former and smack of undue selfishness and egocentrism.

Play with her hair. Ask her first, though. Most girls like it, when you play with their hair.

Touch her ass, most girls love that.

It is easy to think that viewing this girl as a "gateway" to other girls is "using" her but it is not. This is how NT's engage in social interaction and is more commonly referred to as "networking". For the longest time I viewed this concept as using people but it is not. It is simply how social interaction works.

Sophist, as you can see, my original post was 2 weeks ago. Since then a lot has happened, basically she sees me as very cute in a very childish way, not in a potential boyfriend way. Right now I'm way too childlike and unassertive to be boyfriend material, but that's OK, I'm good at accepting things and it's better than a million different ways girls could see me as.

Thanks for the advice though anyways

I'm not really debating the potential usefulness of others nor the fact that using others occurs all the time (an occurrence which isn't relegated to the nonautistic population); I am referring more towards the conscious attitude of manipulation. It's the attitude you're suggesting which sits uneasily with me. It is more apt to create emotional distance rather than supporting interrelational intimacy. And since the entire point of this subforum is about relationships, then I think such an attitude is in danger of misserving you rather than fostering those relationships.

Eh, I gotta say I never did anything like that. I've never been interested in dating friends of people I didn't like to begin with, so this whole "networking" thing usually happened through genuine friends I genuinely wanted to hang out with and get to know better.

Gotta agree with Sophist here. It's a shallow way to behave, and not all NTs think this way either, including most of my closer friends back in high school.

The labels a girl attaches you aren't a very good indicator of interest. This is something that's communicated almost entirely on a nonverbal scale. The real question is how to identify and maintain that interest.

Your best bet is to see how she reacts to you up close. If she seems to get a little uncomfortable with you in her 'bubble', it's probably a good idea to back off. If it goes well, and she ends up engaging in playful affection, then you're probably in the clear, at least as far as identifying interest.